Actually, I want to talk about where we went this weekend. If you are ever in my neck of the woods (Western NY, near Buffalo) I’d highly suggest checking it out.

Hub has been mentioning for a while, that he’d like to visit Old Fort Niagara, on the shore of Lake Ontario at the mouth of the Niagara River. I always said “Oh sure…we’ll have to do that one of these days” in an eye-rolling OMG sort of way. Like really? A fort? A historical type dealie? Not really my bag, darling. But this past Saturday, we decided to take the 45-minute ride out there. It was something to do, and if we stayed home, I’d surely be cleaning the basement, so I said “YES! Let’s get dressed and go!” And we did.

The ride was easy from our house, easier for me because Hub drove, and the kids napped in the back. When we got there, it was sprinkling a bit, but the kids were energized and ready to go. Leaving the visitor’s center, we walked a cement path for a bit before coming in to the actual fort area. The children were impressed with the draw bridge and wrought iron doors. Bud was especially impressed with the cannons. Surprisingly, I was pretty interested too. These buildings and posts set on the bluffs so strategically, I could just picture soldiers posted and watching the lake, making sure “the bad guys” weren’t coming. Bud has been playing with Hub’s old army men recently, setting them up along with their posts, and staging battles. I could see the wheels turning the whole time we were there.

Entrance to the fort

Bud checks out the cannon

More impressive to me though was the scenery. To say it was gorgeous, even on this somewhat dreary day, would be an understatement. The lake was peppered with sail boats (we found out later that we were right in the middle of one of the nation’s largest regattas), the grass and the hills were ridiculously green. Everything was just beautiful.

Even getting caught in a downpour when we were between buildings didn’t dampen the fun. Plus, with her sneakers and clothes already wet, Liv had permission to jump in the puddles.

SOAKED!!

Puddle Jumper

When we left, we followed the river in to Historic Lewiston, (Hub’s ulterior motive was checking out the gas station he used to own there) and stopped at a cute restaurant with deck seating over the river. The kids were crabby and worn out by then, but we enjoyed our meal and watched the jet boats speed by below us. It was a really nice impromptu trip. We need to do more of that.

I’m taking a break from my usual weekend recap today, to take a minute and remember my mother-in-law. She died expectedly, but unexpectedly, if you know what I mean, one year ago today. She waited until after I’d visited, til after her mother and her sisters were there, and until after she thought that Ed had gone home until evening visiting hours resumed. She had the nurses disconnect her life support system. She’d had enough of the sickness and the ups and downs. In a matter of hours, she was gone.

For as much of a pain in the ass as she was (and she was the type of person you could tell that she was a pain in the ass), I loved her as a mother. She was often the voice of reason in my teen years when I couldn’t talk to my own mother. Most people meet their mothers-in-law as adults, but I was lucky enough to grow up with mine; to have a second mothering type person. Hell, she was the one who taught me to drive, and picked me up before classes started every morning and let me drive all the way to the university. She took me to vote for the first time.

So today, I want to say thank you to Michele for being a very big part of my life, for raising her son, and for teaching me things that my own parents didn’t. Thank you for teaching me to say “I love you” before hanging up the phone or leaving someone’s side. Thank you for loving my kids more than the world. Thanks for sticking around for as long as you did in spite of all the pain and suffering. I know how hard it was for you, for so many reasons.

And know that I miss you so so much.

Well, despite my valiant efforts, she’s not singing “Happy Birthday” in it’s entirety. She does however scream for ice cream and yell at her sister, and laugh like a maniac–all in under 2 minutes.

I love this baby girl…

I’m trying to distract myself because I can’t get past the fact that one week from today is the anniversary of MIL’s death. I want to focus on the baby turning 2 next Thursday, but all I keep thinking is first comes the 26th. Yeesh. No good.

But the baby tells/asks us daily “You sing happy yoorfday to me?? I have Dora plates for my cake??” She is funny, that one. Hub keeps telling me to take some videos of her speaking because the sheer volume of words and sentence structure would blow people away. And I always mean to, but I don’t. I’m going to get her singing Happy Birthday though, that is my promise to you. You will die from the cute.

We had a very busy weekend, and I had a migraine for all of it. Bud’s Tae Kwon Do picnic was Saturday morning at gorgeous park on a large creek in the area. I took quite a few photos but haven’t uploaded any of them yet. Here is one from my phone though, of Hub, BIL and Bud. There was a Kan Jam tournament, and Hub and BIL were the champs. Cut to many jokes about polishing Hub’s trophy. (OMG)

Lucy woke up on Saturday morning with a bug ion her ear about getting her ears pierced. We’d been talking about it for a while, and I was going to take her for her 5th birthday in a few weeks, but she asked if she could just get it over with so she didn’t have to think about it anymore. (If she is not my daughter….) So after the picnic, she and I went to the mall together, and we picked out some earrings, gold flowers with a tiny pink stone, and filled out paperwork, and waited our turn. She sat on my lap and cried for a second beforehand, and then she took a deep breath, and said she was ready, and it was done. I think she was surprised at how little it hurt. From then, she couldn’t stop looking at herself in the mirror. We went to the big Starbucks as a reward, and sat in comfy chairs drinking our strawberry frappuccinos. It was all I ever imagined it to be, taking my girl to get her ears pierced. Definitely a moment to remember.

I made quesadillas for dinner, and with everything that had gone on, it was close to 8PM by the time we actually ate. And then BIL dropped my niece off for a sleepover so the kids were up until around 10. I had been popping pills all day for my headache, and I was just done. The throbbing of my head, along with some pretty bad heartburn, woke me up at around midnight. I took some Advil and tried to get comfortable on the couch. It wasn’t a great night of sleep, so when the kids woke up at 7, I needed help. Hub got up and I swore I was just laying back down for 20 minutes, but before I knew it, it was after 9. We had planned on going to 9am mass (we found a great new church that does children’s services at 9 and 10:30) but that was out. I was still moving slow, so we decided to go at noon instead. And what a mistake! It was packed and we had 4 kids and the quiet room was full. Plus there was a renewal of wedding vows and 2 baptisms. We hightailed it out of there right after communion.

Hub had the inside of my car detailed after we came home, and then we went to a party at his cousin’s house for the evening. I barely feel like we had a second to breathe all weekend long. And now we’re back to the mundane of the week, and still no closer to planning our vacation or even sooner, the girls’ birthday party. I don’t think Hub will be as busy this week as he was last week though, so hopefully we can accomplish some of that.

I couldn’t place it at first, what was different about our basement yesterday, but when I did, my breath caught in my throat. The bassinette was gone. It’s not as if I didn’t know we were getting rid of it; Hub and I had discussed it at length. It was one of the Graco recalled models, so although we were fine with using it because the defect was easy for us to fix, and we were aware of exactly what it was, we weren’t comfortable giving it away or donating it. We discussed that in the unlikely event of having more children, we’d buy a new smaller model. We talked about it several times, and though I always sounded wishy-washy about it, I did tell Hub to go ahead and get rid of it. It was taking up space and there was no reason to keep it. Still, when I realized it was gone, I found myself bawling in the middle of the basement, having to put the cans of vegetables I’d got from the pantry down so that I could wipe my eyes. It was just so final, like though the door is open a teensy crack, the safe bet is that I will never ever have another child. We are done saving baby items for what might someday be. It was as if in that moment all of my eggs shriveled up, and the door slammed closed. I don’t know, I guess I just wasn’t prepared. I composed myself quickly, and went upstairs to finish dinner, and took a minute to take in my babies, all absorbed in what they were doing, all so much older than I ever imagine them. My babies, who all slept cozily in the same bassinette and then crib for the first years of their lives. It just all goes so fast. I’m not prepared for it to be over.

Normally when I take vacation time where I don’t have a trip planned, we label it a working vacation, and accomplish projects around the house. This past week though, we hyped it up for the kids, and even though we didn’t like, go stay in a hotel, we made it a real vacation-loose bedtimes, junk food, and day trips. It was a really good time, and I was sorry to see it come to an end last night.

We spent the 4th at home, played a big game of kickball in the yard and cooked out before we went to the park for fireworks.

On Monday, Hub did have to work a bit and I took Liv to daycare so I could spend some time just with the big kids. I made triple decker peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch and the kids played with the hose and sprinkler while I lounged in the sun. It was so hot that I didn’t even care when they sprayed me.

Tuesday was report card day at the local amusement park, so we took that on despite the 90+ degree weather. It never gets that hot here, and when coupled with humidity, it was kind of hard to deal with. We made the best of it though, and spent a few hours in the water park cooling off, and the kids had a fabulous time. The downside was that Liv wanted to ride EVERYTHING that the big kids rode, and well, she couldn’t. She did ride a lot though and had a grand time.

Wednesday was lazy day and was hotter than Tuesday was. We didn’t leave the house all day and played games and did crafts in the house. Ok, there was some TV watching too.

I had an appointment on Thursday morning, and afterward I came home and sunscreened the kiddos and we headed to the community pool. It was 95 degrees that day as well, and the water in the kiddie pool was like bath water. The kids didn’t mind though, and had a great time splashing around. The fountains were much cooler. Everyone was tired and hungry by the time we were done there.

Friday was Rock City, which is about 90 minutes from us. It is a walk through type deal in the mountains where rocks were deposited as a result of glaciers. It’s pretty cool. And aside from making sure Liv didn’t fall in to any crevices or just plain walk off a cliff, it was a good time. We packed a picnic lunch and ate under a shelter when we were done.

Top it off with another yard day and then The Taste of Buffalo yesterday, and it was a pretty eventful staycation. And though it was fun, I can’t wait to plan our REAL vacation the week of 8/30. We just need to decide once and for all what we are doing.

So, the baby will be 2 in just over a month, which basically renders her not a baby anymore. I’m at a loss as to what to do with this development. When Lucy turned 2, I knew for certain there were more children on the horizon, so it was easy to take. I became pregnant a few months after her second birthday.

I’ve felt kind of like “now what!?” for the better part of the last 2 weeks as it has really hit me that soon my baby will be 2. I really just don’t know. Hub is pretty firmly in the no more kids camp. Some days I am there too, but others, like today when I saw a hugely pregnant woman in Target, I swoon. *I* want to be hugely pregnant and feel a baby rolling around in there one more time. *I* want to snuggle on the couch with a teeny baby who is mine all mine. In so many ways I am not ready for the childbearing part of my life to be over with. It doesn’t seem right.

But in other ways, I am so good with what we have. The big kids are so self sufficient now; Bud can (aside from getting the water to the right temperature) take his entire shower on his own. He can get a stool and pour himself (or his sisters) a drink. Lucy isn’t too far behind. Liv has slept through the night for a few months now. We’ve finally gotten her off the bottle. She knows how to work the TV and the remote! They are all so big! In a few weeks, we will be down to one child in daycare for the first time in 5 years. That is a great feeling.

And I’ve really enjoyed Liv as “my baby”. I mean really—I think I have done a better job of that with her than with the other 2. So, what exactly is my problem?

I’m not eager to have morning sickness, sciatica, varicose veins or to go through labor. I’m not eager to have sore cracked nipples. I’m not eager to spend sleepless night after sleepless night. I’m not eager to spend my days calming a fussy baby. Or to start the whole daycare routine over again. To go through the struggle of leaving to go to work when I’d rather be home. Honestly, none of it sounds appealing.

But still, there is this voice going “baby….baby….baby” (It’s not Justin Bieber) Will it ever go away. Even if I had 4 more babies…would it be gone?

Last week I attempted to barter with Hub for one more baby. I won’t tell you what I offered him, but he was willing to work out the details. Later that day though, while sitting at Kindergarten graduation, Liv was a terror; the screaming, throwing herself on the floor obnoxious terror that only a 2-year-old can be, and Hub looked at me. “Do you really want one more of these?”, he asked.

I don’t think I do.

Today anyway.

I’ve seen this guy outside of my office every day this week

We harassed Bud all week last week to practice his Tae Kwon Do form. All week he gave us a hard time about it. Whined that he had forgotten it. That his stomach hurt. That he just didn’t feel like it. He wouldn’t do it in front of anyone. I was more than a little bit nervous when we arrived for his tournament on Saturday; worried that he would just phone it in.

(Ok, I was on the verge of throwing up, but only because I had to drive in to the city by myself—which I HATE—and my GPS signal crapped out on the way there, so I had to wing it. It took me a long time to recover. Aaaaaanyway…)

His teacher had told me that he would be one of the first to go, so I figured we’d be in and out. His teacher was wrong though, and we ended up being there for almost 2 hours. He was in a competitive division (where you get real number scores, i.e. 9.45 instead of the baby scores of “super awesome!”) but there was nobody from his age division (age 4-6) there, so they put him up against the older kids—two 7-year-olds.

When it was finally his turn, Hub, who had come a little later me, Lucy and I joined him on the competition floor. Bud is sort of famous among the schools because, well, he’s Bud, so many people came by to watch. The other children, one being a belt lower and the other a belt higher than Bud, went first and were nervous through their forms. When Bud came up, I held my breath. He was loud and confident as he announced himself and his form. He was right on as he went through his moves. Hub and I were kind of blown away. We should have known though; he’s been doing this since he was 4. He turned around while the judges tallied their scores. He got mid and high 9’s. Hub and I knew he had won, but he did not.

After sparring, the children lined up. The judges announced 3rd place, and then 2nd place. You could see the look on his face as he realized he had come in first. I couldn’t have been more proud. He was ridiculously proud of himself. He also got a first place medal for his sparring.

He has them displayed at home now, with the participation trophies he got from his non-competitive tournaments, and with the 2nd place medal he got in his first competitive tournament a few months back. We had various company this weekend, and he proudly showed them all.

My son, who will graduate from Kindergarten tomorrow btw, is a superstar.