On a recent particularly tiring day (as if any one of my days is not tiring…) I finally got Eddie in to bed around 9:30.
He carried on a bit…
“I don’t feeeeeeeel good. I have to sleep in yoooooouuuur bed”
“I’m not ready to go to bed yet”, I say, “I have some work to do”
He becomes more insistent, and I begin to lose patience. I bargain with him.
“You stay in here until I’m done working, and if you’re still awake, you can come in Mommy’s bed”
He agrees, but only after I promise to come back and check on him in a few minutes and give him a football to play with.
I putter in the kitchen, feeding the cats and putting dinner away. I wait a few more minutes and go in to check. He’s still awake, of course and asks “Are you workin’ in the kitchen?” We talked for a few minutes, and I told him I’d be back after I was done with my work.
I sat down on the couch and settled in to my work which consisted of watching Seinfeld and paging through a magazine. He played quietly in bed for what seemed like hours. Finally, he became quiet, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I waited a few more minutes, shut down the house, and headed to bed myself.
As I passed his room, he stirred. I stepped in to check on him and he rolled over and looked right at me. His face, round and pale as the moon, and his sparkling blue eyes shone up at me. He held his football up, smiled and in his so cute, so sleepy voice said “wanna play catch Mommy?” He tossed the ball up, grabbed it, and rolled over back to sleep.
I don’t know what it was, but in that moment my heart swelled. “God, I love this kid”, I thought. Minutes ago, I had been irritated and just wanted “me” time, and now, I just wanted to scoop him up and hold him forever; wanted him to be just this age forever.
I stayed in his room and watched him sleep for a few minutes, and then finally went to bed.
How lucky am I to have two wonderful, sweet, and healthy kids? I take it for granted so often, and lose my patience and get nasty. Moments like that one can be so humbling. It caused me to take a step back. I pray for the presence of mind to step back before reacting negatively. I pray for patience. Most of all, I pray that Eddie and Caitlyn remain exactly as they are today….a prayer I know is useless…but I still pray.