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The Poop on Poop Etiquette

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The girls, (and some of the guys) who work with and for me are all very open about their bodily functions. We know everyone’s cycle, about gas and yeast infections…you name it. One of our favorite topics of conversation just happens to be pooping. I don’t know why, we are just enamored with pooping.

There is a stigma around here about pooping at work—at least among the girls. Guys, as you know, have no shame. The majority of people don’t feel like anyone in their right mind should be taking a crap in the same bathroom as 10 other women. I know, it’s not an ideal situation. But seriously?

There are several people here who can’t poop anywhere other than their own bathroom. One goes so far as to say that she can’t even go on vacation. She spends entire weeks miserable and holding it. Then again, she won’t even fart in front of her husband.

Others feel free to poop with reckless abandon. Wherever, whenever, they just go.

Where do you fall in?

A. Sara, I feel very uncomfortable with this line of questioning, please knock it off and write something about your kids or something.
B. I can only poop behind closed doors in the privacy of my own home
C. If I have to go, I have to go. Deal with it.
D. I actually plan on pooping at work, or better yet, at someone else’s house so that I can keep my toilet clean and save on the cost of toilet paper. The less cleaning, the better.

I’d also like to know if you fart in front of your significant other.

Here is my opinion:

I will not go out of my way to poop at work, however, should the need arise; I will not inconvenience my body so that you are not offended. I will however, go to the bathroom at the other end of the building where I am less recognized, and use an intricate pattern of flushing and air freshener spritz to disguise what I am doing all the way down there in the handicapped stall. I will probably wait until the bathroom is pretty close to empty before I exit. On the farting—I’m a firm believer in that if my name appears on the mortgage, I am entitled to pass gas anywhere in my own home. The car too.

Well, I hope your eyes aren’t bleeding from reading this or anything………but it had to be said.

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