Dear Children,
I don’t use the wipes in the bathroom. It is therefore not my job to know that you have used them all, or to replace them. Take care of it!
Love,
Mama
Dear Children (again),
Why do bathroom emergencies only happen when I am in the shower?
Love,
Wet and Annoyed
Dear Husband,
While I am most appreciative of your taking out the garbage, do you think it would be possible to EVER replace the bag?
Putting you on notice,
Your Wife (For now!!!)
Dear Chick who Took My Old Job,
No, I will not help you train the person who is replacing you. It has been a year. Get with the program!
Sincerely,
Not a Pushover
Dear Haley,
You snagged a nail on your paw. This wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t think the giant German shepherd next door wanted to play with you. Stop being so pathetic and for the love of Lassie, please stop licking it all the live long day.
Yours Truly,
The Sound of Licking Makes Me Gag
Dear Oswald,
After all we’ve been through, it would be a shame to get rid of you because you’ve made the basement your personal extra large litter box.
Regards,
Poop Scooper Extraordinaire
Dear Dunkin Donuts,
Please stop advertising, preparing and selling your cookies and creme donut. I cannot resist its evil charms.
Regretfully,
My Belly Resembles Donut Dough
Incubation Nation 
Yes, the garbage bag thing!
Also, it’s probably a good thing we don’t have a Dunkin Donuts in town. Sounds delicious. Eat one for me. 😀
The sound of licking freaks me out, too.
I haaaate the licking. ICK!
The licking would make me put the dog on notice. For reals.
The not telling you when something is out in the bathroom thing. That is a biggie for me. My stepson has told me before that he was waiting for me to notice something was empty. For 2 weeks! My head exploded. I rarely go in his bathroom and, when I do, I don’t use his shampoo. Plus he can communicate. He just doesn’t think it’s his job to tell me things.
Oh and the licking. Maverick does it when it is time to go to bed at night and all I can hear is lick, lick, lick from the corner of the room. Dog has been kicked out before.