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To Have or Not To Have (more children…)

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The conversation, clearly, was inevitable though I don’t think that Hub thought it would come so soon. Liv is quickly outgrowing her 0-3month clothing and I’ve been removing it from her bureau. “Here’s the question”, I said to Hub, “Keep the clothes? Or donate them??” He kind of gave me a blank stare and then threw the question back at me. “What do YOU want to do?”

I want one more.

Not, like, tomorrow or anything.

Growing up, I always said that I wanted to have 4 children. I don’t know why I settled on that number, perhaps because my mother always said she’d wanted 4, or maybe because each of my grandmothers had 4. In any case, the number was set in stone for me. I had a really hard pregnancy with Bud and was terrified when I got pregnant with Lucy just 9 months after he was born. My pregnancy with her was a breeze, but after my labor I said never again. Cut to 3 years later and here we are after having another miserable pregnancy, contemplating yet another.

Are we nuts?

I have 2 reasons for not wanting another:

• I don’t think I could handle another stressful and uncomfortable pregnancy (though I think this could be remedied if I lost, say, 50lbs)
• I don’t want any more babies after I am 35 and we’d be looking at trying again when I am 33/34 (OMG, I am almost 30)

Hub’s reasons for not wanting more:

• He doesn’t like the person I become when I am pregnant. (I have to give him that one)
• Based on the way that Lucy is handling not being the baby anymore, he doesn’t know how she, or Liv would take it.
• He doesn’t necessarily want another boy; he likes that his and Bud’s bond is a unique one.
• We would more than likely have to move.
• It would be harder to do fun family stuff/vacations with 4 (but not that much harder, right?)

We share our reasons for wanting another:

• ZOMG!! Baby!!
• We like the idea of our kids growing up in a large family.
• We really enjoy our children and another would definitely add to that
• Ok, this one is mine….maybe it will be TWINS!!

We talked some more about it without really making any decisions. Hub stood firm on the fact that he didn’t want any more until Liv was in school. “I’m ok with that”, I told him, “so long as I can get pregnant in the 6-9 months BEFORE she goes off to school.” He smiled and told me “Fine….” As if exasperated, but I know he wants one as much as I do.

I suppose time will tell though. 4 years is a long time. What would you do?

12 responses »

  1. We haven’t discussed things nearly as much as you two have, and I’m still putting the baby stuff back in the attic. Even if we don’t have another, I’ll want to save some special pieces or pass some things on to my sister, etc. I just can’t get rid of it all yet.

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  2. Ha ha! I can’t get rid of the baby stuff fast enough! But, that’s me.Four years is a long time. In four years, you won’t have diapers or bottles. All three kids will be in school and in after-school/weekend activities. You may be happy with your family unit the way it is. On the other hand, Bud and Lucy and even Liv will be a big help to you with a younger sibling. I don’t think taking four kids on a vacation would be much different than taking three.My point is that 4 years is a long time. Pack up the baby stuff. You’ll know when it’s time to give it away forever or make plans to dress your new baby in it.

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  3. I think all of your reasons for not wanting more kids are very valid, but so are your reasons for wanting them. What I wonder (especially given the twins reason) is whether those reasons for wanting a fourth kid will go away after having the fourth kid, or if they will just turn around and apply to the fifth kid and so on. If that’s the case, I’d stop at three. But the nice thing is that you have plenty of time to decide. A lot can change in the next few years and then you can assess how you’re feeling about it.

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  4. Four was my “number” too. I change my mind every day over whether I still want that many. Some days I look at Aidan and think “of course I want more!” Other days I worry about what that will take away from him. So I really have no advice–just want to share that four was the number.

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  5. Such a decision. I don’t know how to make it myself.

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  6. It sounds like you’ve really thought out all the pros and cons for your family. I like that neither of you are in a rush. 4 years is a lot of time to weigh the options. Like other people pointed out, you may be in a different place in your lives in 4 years time. I think you have good things listed now and you can add/subtract them as time goes on. I think by then you’ll know.I always thought I’d want 4 or 5 kids. I still do, but I know that’s not what Matt wants. He’s on board about a second baby for sure now, and even talking abuot a 3rd after that. That’s what I want to hear. I’ve already resolved myself to the fact that I’ll be having babies in my 30s if I want more than 2. Didn’t plan it that way, but life has a way of planning itself without my permission.Oh about the baby clothes…if you think 4 years is too long to hang on to them, give them away/sell them now. Then you’ll have a reason to buy new clothes for a new baby in the future anyway. 😉

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  7. Oooooh, I LOVE maybe-baby talk! I’m packing things away, although this time I’m weeding some stuff out. Half our basement is full of kid clothes in all sizes!

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  8. I’d probably get knocked up again in two years 🙂

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  9. HA! I am trying to talk Honey into #4, now that #3 is firmly on the “to do” list.But 4 is where our life starts changing, too. We would need a bigger house. We would need a bigger car. We would need a second job. (Strike that last one…maybe)I actually don’t want to be having any babies after I am 30, because I am looking forward to having some freedom and still being young enough to enjoy it. That is just my personal choices though. And if #4 came into the picture, I would be having babies after 30. It is tough. I vote with LoriD. Keep stuff. You will know what is the right thing to do when the time comes.

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  10. 4 was my number too. 2 was my husband’s number. I suspect he could be talked into 4 if I whined really hard for a long time, but truth be told I still waffle with it myself. Every time I pack away clothes I think if I had 4 kids I’d be able to part with the B list stuff. I think I’ll just keep it all in the attic in its current state of disarray forever.

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  11. Well, we went for #3 and got twins, SO, we’re done. We are trying to purge the boy things, but the girl things MUST be saved for the twins. Then I just pass them all to my neighbor with twins and let her worry about them. 🙂

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  12. I don’t know what I would do…I would probably do it. I don’t think having kids, no matter the number, is practical in any way, so why start now? I mean, as long as you’re sure you’re not going to be out on the street from being too poor over another one, of course but the “small” stuff? It sounds like more adjustment but not life threatening. Hard decision though. Especially the one about waiting 4 years.

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