Hub has lost about 50lbs since January. “I’ve basically lost an entire Lucy”, he told me smugly last night, “Could you imagine carrying her around all day every day?” I roll my eyes smug with my own knowledge of irrelevant facts about our children. “She weighs 60lbs. You haven’t lost her yet.”
Score. Ok, not really.
I want to be happy for Hub. I want to be thrilled that with hard(ish) work, he’s really done it. He’s reduced his triglycerides by two thirds and is probably healthier than he’s ever been. Mostly though, I am pissed off about it all the time. Everything I’d told him for years about whole grains and carbs and sugars is now The Bible because HE thought of it. Right. Perhaps if I had been hitting the drive thru twice a day for 10 years grabbing a doughnut or 2 with my coffee then I too could drop 50lbs by just stopping and changing my eating habits. But I’ve never done that. Just eating some damned wheat bread is not going to help me.
Aside from the probably hundreds of studies (none of which I am familiar with, so…) that have shown this, it is quite obvious that men and women are very different when it comes to losing or gaining weight. I have heard so many stories of husbands who need to lose 20lbs and just stop drinking beer for a few weeks and lose the 20 and more. Men are different! It is science! It is also infuriating.
I will say that after starting to work from home, when there was no longer an endless buffet of potluck lunches, birthday and anniversary cakes and milkshake runs at my disposal, that I lost 15lbs without doing anything else. You may think “But Saly? Weren’t you going to the gym???” Well, no. I wasn’t. I decided that since I was working from home there was no reason for me to get up at 5am to go any longer. I could go any time! My lunch! Mid afternoon! The possibilities were endless, except that they weren’t as my calendar filled up on a daily basis. So gradually I dropped from 4 times a week to 2-3 and then to never. And I sit here knowing that it is ridiculous. Working from home has saved me something like 10 hours a week. I talked myself up and started going back at the end of April and then I traveled to California for work where I was told I had to go back to the office for a while, and from there everything went back downhill.
I couldn’t very well go to the gym when I had to be in the office, could I? And I couldn’t turn down my team members’ offers of milkshakes and lunches out and of course the weekly ice cream parties. I marveled at how loosely my work clothes were fitting, my size 22 pants nearly falling off of me. During the 6 weeks that I was in the office, I put 5lbs back on.
Thankfully I am back home. I’ve bought shorts for the summer in a size 20 and they are a bit loose. Large, yes. But not a 22 which is the biggest size I’ve ever worn. I’ve dropped the 5lbs just by getting back in to my home habits. I’ve been to the gym once with the excuse of “The Holiday Weekend” keeping me away this week.
Long story short, Hub’s weight loss has not been about turning in to a buff hottie. It’s been about his health. His doctor told him to change his habits or he would be dead, and he did it. He talks to the kids about why he’s doing it and why we don’t keep cookies in the house anymore and why their lunch is made on different bread now. The kids know that part of the reason Grandpa died was because he never quit smoking, even though the doctors told him to quit many times. They correlate that to what Hub is doing, and they get it. Hub is doing all of this so he is healthy and here for them for a very long time.
So how come I am not? I feel like someone has slapped me in the face and I’ve woken up. I am lazy. Why do I get to say that it’s too hard? Why do I get to be annoyed with Hub for making it look so damned easy? I don’t really have that right. He’s found what works for him and he’s doing it—so good for him! Really!! This is the time for me to find what works and to do it too. I started by calling my endocrinologist for a lab slip because I haven’t had my meds checked in a very long time. In fact, the rude receptionist who is The Reason I Haven’t Called, pointed out that it has been 2 years since I was last in the office. One hard thing out of the way, right? We’ve found that operating on a family schedule really helps with chores and keeping household things running smoothly, so I am going to try scheduling my gym time. And it will have to be in the early mornings. I know this. And the hard part? I will actually have to get up and go, and not phone it in when I get there and just ride the bike. Finally—I need to give up my favorite coffee drinks for a while. I drink it black at home, but when I am out I love nothing more than stopping for a creamy iced coffee. Once in a while for a treat will be fine later on, but no more to the “I am in my car and therefore DESERVE an iced coffee”.
So. 3 hard things. 4, if you count me telling you my pant size. I am going to work on pushing myself out of my comfort zone a little bit, maybe by accomplishing 3 hard things a week. I think it might work. And if it doesn’t, I need to keep trying until I find something that does. I think I give up too easily—so I need to figure out a way to stop myself from doing that. Anyone want to scream in my face to get my lazy butt up and to the gym? I don’t know—I’m going to do it somehow. You might not hear me gloating that I lost a whole Lucy, but maybe somewhere down the line I’ll be able to say that I’ve lost a Liv. Or that I’ve at least reached my pre-(1st)pregnancy weight.
Or maybe I’ll just take to my bed like the mom from Gilbert Grape.
Ok, not really. Wish me luck.