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There is something about my husband that drives me crazy. Not crazy in the way of “pshaw, that funny man!” with an eye roll and a smile. No, I am talking completely up the wall crazy. Up the wall in the way of making me see red; making me want to just scream and be glad that I don’t have a baseball bat in my hands. It’s true. Now this craze inspiring trait is something that my husband cannot control, and I’ve always felt a little bit bad being so angry about it, but it seems like something he should be able to control, and yet chooses not to. This is irrational on my part. I know. If he could control it, he would. At least I think, or hope he would. Anyway.

Hub cannot keep his eyes open when he is driving. He is ok for short distances, you know, like driving around town running errands. If you get him on the thruway though, or even driving out on open country road, he’s out. His head bobs, his eyelids get heavy, and eventually his eyes just roll in the back of his head. Thankfully, in all the miles that he has traveled for work, he’s never had an accident. He laughingly credits the rumble strips on the thruway for waking him up hundreds of times. He’s not really going out of town for work anymore either, so it is less of a worry.

So what is my problem, right?

Well, I hate to drive. Especially to new and unfamiliar places (like vacations etc. I have panic attacks in heavy traffic and driving in downtown city situations. And not knowing where to park gives me anxiety as well). And his falling asleep puts a big cramp in my “I would like to be driven” plan.

I know. Selfish.

I can actually list a number of reasons why this drives me crazy:
1. I spend my time as a passenger hawk-eyed on my husband to make sure he is awake.
2. I can never relax or nap in the car, even on long trips.
3. I have to drive more often than I want to and to places I don’t want to.
4. Nobody keeps ME company when I am driving. (I feel like I need a Reading (and Chickens) illustration for this one.) It is me and the radio with Hub asleep in the front and 3 children who are either headphoned to their DSi’s or are sleeping themselves.
5. It’s not faaaaiiiiiirrrrr!

So anyway, every single time it happened, I was just full of The Rage. It was ruining every trip. Why should Hub get to have a nice relaxing car nap? Why should I have a non-relaxing drive because I’m worried about him falling asleep and our minivan careening all over the road and eventually off of a cliff? It shouldn’t be this way.

Finally after years of this, I just decided to give up. It still seems to me that there is a problem if the second a car moves it tells your body to fall asleep regardless of being completely non-tired. It still gives me The Rage. But I’m at a point of accepting that I can either be an alert passenger, or I can just drive while he sleeps the trip away. The stress isn’t worth it. Fighting about it isn’t worth it because it won’t change. And so, I drive the long trips and he drives the short ones and I keep my mouth and my rolling eyes in check.

And I swallow my rage, and resist telling him that my next husband will always drive.

12 responses »

  1. OMG – this freaks me the hell out. What if he hurts himself driving? GAH!!!!I would be with you – pissy YOU have to be the one to do everything for such a (seemingly) silly reason. I mean, seriously, how hard can it be to stay awake? (I get it, I do, but that doesn't mean my brain would be reasonable about it)So kudos to you for letting it go. You're a bigger person than me.

  2. Does he have a touch of narcolepsy? J. does, and I cannot sleep at all on long trips because he always wants me to either drive or make sure he stays awake. The thing that enrages me the most is when I have to be the designated driver. I'll have to practically beg him to go home because *I'm* tired, and as soon as we get in the car, HE falls asleep. I have been known to stop short on purpose just to wake him up. RAGE.

  3. Oh, man, it is SO IRRITATING sometimes to be married. I resonate with this SO HARD—not because Paul has the exact same issue, but because I can go through the exact same process (rage, followed after years by resentful/reluctant acceptance) with the issues he does have.

  4. OH MAN. My husband is a sleepy driver too, and many years ago he totalled a car when he fell asleep at the wheel. Even now, if we're in the car for more than twenty minutes, he's asleep. I'm so with you. It makes me so RAGEY to have to drive everywhere AND to be the only person awake. I would like to be sleeping, too! I would like to be resting and relaxing! I don't enjoy this either!

  5. UGH. That is all I really know to say. I FEEL you, though not on this exact issue, and I am SO SORRY. What an infuriating issue. Plus it's a SAFETY issue, so double stress points plus the Rage.

  6. I'm with Mrs. Irritation–this freaks me out too! And while I don't have this particular problem with my husband, I have SO MANY similar type ones where it's like I DO SO MUCH CAN'T YOU JUST DO THIS ONE THING RIGHT? I am so, so with you.

  7. I have issues like this with my husband as well. Namely his refusing to answer any emails from me. (Not the same as endangering his life and the lives around him, I know.)Just this morning, I emailed him. (THIRD TIME!): Quit ignoring me. I know you get this email on multiple fucking electronic devices. Grr.

  8. Oh man, that's tough. My husband didn't even get his driver's license until 2006 (just to put that into perspective, we were married in 1997, had children in 2000, 2003 and 2005 – yes, I drove myself to the hospital while in labour THREE TIMES). So, I REALLY appreciate finally being able to sit in the passenger seat and read, doze off, or just look at the scenery.

  9. Sounds like the best course of action because fighting against something you can't control is fruitless. You may just be showing your age and incredible insight, understanding and compassion. I just love ya. Paprika.

  10. I am fond of the "my next husband will…" thing. Never gets old.An issue that sparks The Rage for me is the way Tosc deals with mail. I.e, HE DOESN'T. He won't open mail, and if I DO make him open it, he leaves it, INCLUDING THE EMPTY ENVELOPE WHY WHY WHY sitting on the counter INDEFINITELY. We finally had to go to a system where I remove the mail to a box in the office. I'm not going to OPEN SOMEONE ELSE'S MAIL, because 1) that's weird and 2) I'm not his fucking secretary.Ahem.

  11. URGH! So frustrating on so many levels! I love Swistle's comment!


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