It’s not a secret that my time in the hospital after the twins were born was not a happy one. They were separated; Mol with me and Gus in special care. Nobody would talk to me, and when they did, all of the information conflicted. I had horrible guilt for spending so much time with Molly, using her to build up my milk supply, while Gus was physically unable to eat. The entire time I was in the hospital, I held them together exactly twice–once, right after birth and once when a nurse who acted like she was doing me a favor let me wheel Mol in to special care to be with Gus and me. I’m still not over it. I still don’t think I’m ready to talk or even write about how bad of an experience it was for me regardless of the fact that my babies are 100% fine, happy and healthy 7-month-olds today. Hell, I’m still not over my experience with Caitlyn, and that was more than 8 years ago. So.
Anyway, with that all being said, when the link to the hospital photos was emailed to me, I couldn’t bring myself to actually look at any of them. I didn’t want to remember the hospital stay at all. Time has passed though, and as they get closer to a year old, and I get closer to maybe putting baby books together for them, I decided to figure out how to log in and see my babies as they were then.
It still hurts a little bit to look, if I’m being honest. But I did enjoy seeing their wrinkly 6lb baby faces and remembering what strangers they were then. I didn’t know them, but when I look at those wee faces, I can see glimpses of them now; how they were already SO themselves, even if I didn’t know it.
So, anyway, after 7.5 months, here are the babies’ first photos:
March 1, 2013
March 1, 2013
6lbs 13 oz