I am in the basement with all three kids, enjoying that the computer is all mine for the next five days. Lucy is brewing coffee in her play kitchen and is filling my fancy mug from Swistle repeatedly. I tell her that this is the best coffee I’ve ever had, as I take a drink of the actual so-so coffee I’ve brewed and she tells me “It’s chocolate coffee Mama, I made it special for you.” She knows me well…a cup of actual chocolate coffee would probably make my day.

Up until a few days ago, when Lucy said “chocolate”, it was pronounced “cha-locket”. Suddenly though, she asked me for a cup of chocolate milk and “chocolate” was painstakingly pronounced correctly; I could tell she really had to think about saying it the right way.

I immediately burst in to tears, sentimentality and post-partum hormones getting the best of me. Hub laughed and rubbed my back for a second and commented that our little girl is getting so big. She is, you know. Now more of a person, her three-year-old self, than a baby or a toddler.

I don’t know what it is about this time of year that makes it seem like things change so quickly. The air is cooler and I’m taking stock of what I have in the way of warm clothes for the children, and gradually putting away sundresses and sleeveless tees. Yesterday, Lucy started pre-school, as opposed to plain old daycare. She is in Bud’s old room, with Bud’s old teacher and was seemingly ok when we dropped her off. Bud moved in to pre-kindergarten yesterday as well, a room where he will participate in show and tell and learn to write his full name, rather than his nickname. At he end of the day, both tell me that thy had a good day, though Lucy adds “but I did cry for you a lot, Mama.”

The baby changes every day too, showcasing her gummy smile and Michelin arms and legs. She pushes away from my chest and takes everything in, her eyes bright and inquisitive; mischievous even with prospects of what she’ll soon be able to get in to. Yesterday, when both of the big kids were laughing, she let out a tiny giggle.

Life goes by too fast.

Don’t wish their life away life away is some advice I was given when I first became a parent. Don’t think “I wish he could crawl”, “I wish she would start talking” or “I can’t wait until they are in school.” Everything happens in it’s own time, regardless of wishes.

My wishes tend to go unanswered though, after things have already changed, when I find myself wishing for just one more day with things as they used to be.

Do you think it's possible to have post partum rage as opposed to
depression? What do you think it means if I have dreamt of both of my
(deceased) grandmothers the past 3 nights? How is the baby 4 weeks
old already? How will I function when Hub is in CA next week? How
will I survive til Saturday when I get to go out by myself for the
evening?

I don't feel weepy or anything. I actually feel fierce and protective
of the baby. I don't want anybody to look at her or hold her-not even
her grandparents. I am annoyed by my husband's every move for no
particular reason. My temper is short with the big kids. I'd really
just like to feel normal for a change.

Do you think it's normal to have completely stopped bleeding at only 2
weeks post partum? It has been 3 days of nothing. It lasted between
4&6 weeks the other times. I don't want to bother the dr. if I'm just
being silly.

It's been an uneventful few days. Olivia sleeps 4-5 hours at a time
during the night but I am still exhausted. Lucy is a huge bag of
emotions, happy one minute, then sad& then a ball of fire the next.
Bud loves being a big brother to this tiny baby and showers her with
constant kisses & hugs. Hub has been sick since Sunday with a fever
and aches. I took the baby for a walk yesterday-more exercise than
I've had in months& today we are going to do some visiting. This
concludes my mobile post.

*Have you heard of phantom limb syndrome? I totally have phantom baby
syndrome. I feel like she's still in there. *Isn't it
great to lose twelve pounds in less than a day? *The whole
hospital menu has changed. And it sucks. No more gourmet dinner
either. How I will miss that tira misu.

Hannah Lynne 8lbs 10oz 12:10 pm. She is gorgeous and nursing like a
champ. 2 pushes and she was out. She looks like Bud.

They would have kept me and let me have her if I wanted to, but I 1.
freaked out and 2. wanted to eat and sleep, neither of which were
happening there. I am 3cm though and 60% effaced. Regular doctor's
appointment tomorrow at 9. This concludes Saly's updates via phone
for this evening.

We are probably not here to stay since my contractions are not super
strong though they are regular. We decided to get checked out just in
case and we are waiting for blood work. They are checking me again in
about an hour to see if anything has changed. I'll let ya know. Also
my effing Twitter isn't working…FYI.

I slipped and fell in the grocery store parking lot. I am wet and
sore and can not go in to TKD because i'm reasonably sure I peed my
pants. Glamour my friends, glamour.