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Sucking it Up

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It’s not a secret that I’ve been less than happy with my job for a while. There are a lot of reasons–reasons that should not be put in writing necessarily–for my unhappiness and I have focused and dwelled and stewed about them pretty much since I returned from maternity leave. I’ve spent so much time stewing, in fact, that my work has taken a major nosedive. I don’t particularly want to be doing this work, so why do it, right? So, I’ve been plugging along, doing the bare minimum and sort of lazily checking out other options and not doing anything about them either.

I’ve finally snapped out of my stupidity in the last couple of weeks, in realizing that it’s obvious that the perfect job is not going to just come around and all that I’m really doing by not doing my best work is burning bridges and destroying my credibility. This seems like an incredibly adult realization to come to when I’ve been acting like such a baby.

The fact of the matter is that I have a really good situation happening here. I’m paid well, I get a lot of time off, I work from home, and my hours are flexible. So fucking what if what I’m doing right now isn’t my favorite. So fucking what if I’m no longer The Expert everyone comes to thanks to being shuffled and shuffled and shuffled again. So fucking what if it hurt my feelings when I wasn’t given a choice in where I was placed. It’s over and it’s done. I can’t change the past, so I need to focus on the future.

What it comes down to is that I am here, in this job and I need to make the best of it. I’ve given myself a pep talk, and I’m making a commitment to doing my job well. And in doing my job well, I intend to make myself the best at it regardless of my how I feel about the work itself–making lemonade, if you will. And having committed to it, and promising myself that I’m done slacking, actually makes me feel pretty good.

Being an adult is so much different than I thought it would be.

5 responses »

  1. I enjoyed this post so much, I briefly considered adding “So fucking what?” to my list of tattoo ideas.

    Reply
  2. Yes! This.
    Most days I feel like my job is slowing killing me. But, in reality, it’s all in my attitude. There are so many blog posts/articles out there about loving what you do but how many people really get to do that? Not many.
    My hours are reliable, I’m not working out in the cold and snow. The pay is okay. So fucking what if my boss is a bitch and it’s boring work sometimes?

    Reply
  3. Wow, that is a tough thing, when you don’t agree with (or like) what you do all day. You are very brave and strong to suck it up and do it anyway. I’m glad that focusing on the positives of working at home and being flexible are helping you to not hate your job so much!

    I kinda felt the same after I had my first child – I wanted so desperately to be home with her that no work felt as meaningful as being with her. That…hasn’t really gotten better but she’s having some Terrible Twos, so it’s definitely easier to leave her now than when she was a tiny, precious, delicate newborn!

    I’m so glad you were able to share this. Definitely inspiring!

    Reply
  4. If you and Swistle get the tattoo, I’m in.

    Being an adult is Very Little like I thought it would be. What’s up with that? Can we lodge formal complaints?

    Reply
  5. You know, I was JUST having this same line of thought yesterday, but re: being a stay at home mom, after yet another day home with all four of them thanks to Snow: Apparently An Act of God and not just normal winter weather. This has just been a very rough year for me and I am so low in patience and having a hard time finding joy in the constant, constant stream of needs and mess and noise. (I’m sure you know a little bit about that!) There are moments, but they feel fewer and farther between lately.

    I was doing yet another load of dishes and thinking how being home w/ little kids is really not much at all like I imagined, or like it seemed to be for my mom. I thought I’d be raising the Von Trapp children or something, apparently. The Waltons, at the VERY least. Instead, when they’re all home together I just feeling like I’m fighting to stay in charge amidst Lord of the Flies type anarchy. But, here we are. Turns out I’m not Mary Poppins and my kids aren’t harmonizing Austrian angels in matching outfits. So fucking what? 🙂

    At the moment it makes way more sense for me to be at home with them than to try to pursue a full time job, so I will grin and bear it until Talia is in kindergarten. Of course by then all the kids will be in ages/phases that I seem to enjoy more, but then it will seem like I SHOULD get a job and I’ll probably be sad panda about that too! Adulthood: It Mostly Blows.

    Also, sorry for highjacking your comment section. Perhaps I should just go write my own post now! Anyways, thanks for sharing- it’s good to know someone else isn’t feeling a hundred percent fulfilled and thrilled with their life choices and is just riding it out at the moment, too.

    Reply

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