Ugh. Yesterday.

I felt like such a bad Mom.

I swear to you I yelled all day at those kids. Screamed. Me. At them.

It was a bad, bad day.

At bed time, after numerous “time outs” Eddie and I were having a talk; I was sitting in his bed and we discussed why he should listen to me when I tell him to do something once. (like not to jump over the back of the love seat, roll on to the cushions and then on to the floor) I made a mistake and told him that he was acting like “bad Anthony”, a boy from his class. I had to apologize and tell him that it wasn’t a nice thing to say, not because Anthony isn’t bad (because he is hell on wheels) but because Anthony has a bad life with no daddy around and a Mommy who works a whole lot. I told him he was a good boy and that we’d had a hard day.

He looked me in the eyes, serious as anything.

“I know I’m good mommy. I try to teach Anthony how to be good. And I am really sick of you hollering all the time.”

Me too.

I didn’t sleep and cried most of the night.

My biggest fear is fucking my kids up.

Or that they’ll hate me when they are grown and look back.

I’m at a loss as to what to do; how to balance it all.

Both kids were sweet as pie this morning, but for me, it has been a very depressing day.

I was laughing to myself (as I often do) the other day because Caitlyn has this adorable shirt that says “everyone loves a blue eyed girl” and her eyes are so not blue anymore. Isn’t it weird? They are the most lovely shade of hazel that I have ever seen, grey and green with flecks of golden-brown. I was commenting to Ed yesterday that even when she wears blue, her eyes don’t reflect it anymore. Then I downloaded this picture: (**edited to say [was I smoking crack? He eyes don’t look blue at all.) Go ahead, enlarge the pictures. Hazel indeed.]

And this one too:

Where they look SO blue. You will also notice my newly laid kitchen floor, but please try not to notice the pieces of cat food strewn about.

We went to a wedding for Ed’s cousin Karen yesterday and while I didn’t take any pictures of the bride and groom, I did get 2 new pictures of my adorable niece Samantha who is nearly 3 months old. She has 2 idiots for parents, but she sure is a cute pumpkin.

We had a really nice day at the park (where the wedding was) and will probably book Cait’s birthday party there as well. It was a really nice site.

I actually came up here to check my bank account to be sure that I can grocery shop, so I’m going to do that. I hear the kids waking up from their naps…..

Ok, so The Flying Mum has tagged me for this 8 things meme. How ever did she know that I wanted to share 8 more things in addition to my 100? The rules are below, but I am not tagging anyone because for one, she tagged all those that I would have tagged, and two, I think the entire blogosphere has done this one now. But for the sake of rules, here they are, lifted from The Flying Mum who stole them from Beck.

A. Each player lists 8 facts/habits about themselves.

B. The rules of the game are posted at the beginning before those facts/habits are listed.

C. At the end of the post, the player then tags 8 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog.

1. My most favorite food in all the world is Salmon. I could eat it every day in any fashion.

2. I am so excited about my vacation in September that I can hardly sleep at night. First off, I am off of work for 11 days in a row, but also, I just love New England. I have been reliving New Hampshire through our honeymoon pictures. My “new” profile pic is 5 years old, from our honeymoon.

3. Speaking of vacation, I would like to lose 20 lbs. before we go. (I would like to lose about 80 lbs. overall)

4. When I went to Ed’s prom in 1995, my dress was a size 3.

5. I love to be in a swimming pool, but I am a horrible swimmer.

7. I never thought I would become so attached to this blog.

8. As much as I hate it that I need to wear glasses now, I think I look kind of cool with them on. Also, I left them downstairs, and I can barely see what I’m typing.

It was rainy and horrible here on the 4th, so thank God we had the sense to check the weather and find fireworks on the 3rd. We picked a good show (despite being kind of in the ghetto) and we were pleased that Eddie wasn’t terrified this year. Caitlyn, though not hysterical, was not thrilled with all of the noise.

We spent the 4th setting up our fish tank and getting the fish accustomed to their new home. We got 7 fish, 2 for Caitlyn and 5 for Eddie. Caitlyn named hers One and Two and Eddie named 3 of his Santa, Grandpa and Daddy. That left the 2 black molly fish to be named, so we called them Sheeba, after our dead dog, and Molly for obvious reasons.

I was off of work yesterday and I took the kids to daycare and came home and slept until after noon. I can’t eve remember the last time I slept so late. After lunch, I did some laundry and cleaned up a bit. I’m off again today, and Ed and I are going to The Cheesecake Factory for lunch after a while. I always get the same meal when we go, Herb Crusted Salmon with Asparagus and Smashed Potatoes, then I change up the cheesecake I order. Last time I got lemon raspberry which was to die for. The time before that, Tira Misu (I have no idea how to spell that). I’ll keep you updated as to what I get today.

My first Children’s Place order arrived yesterday, and the crabby shirt is all I wanted and more. One of the tanks I got for Eddie (I ordered him all XS-4 rather than 4T with the hope that he could wear them next year too) was super huge, but the other 2 will be perfect. The crinkle skirts for Caitlyn are supercute but to keep them crinkled, you have to twist them up, tie them in a not and rubber band them after you wash them…which is probably too much maintenance for me. I’m still waiting on my second order which includes some shorts and a hat for Eddie, then 2 more shirts ad shorts plus sunglasses for Cait. I’m getting nervous because the website doesn’t show that it’s shipped yet.

I need to end this because I left my glasses downstairs and I can’t see anything. I’m thinking of getting a new cell phone today, but we’ll see how that goes. I’m eligible for a free one, but don’t want to sign a contract. I don’t know.

I was totally going to make Sarah’scookies tonight, but when I came home to 5 over-ripe bananas, I decided on muffins instead.

Yes, banana muffins it was.

They were good, too.

Last night was such a gorgeous night; cool and clear with a perfect breeze. It reminded me so much of the mountain air when we were in New Hampshire for our honeymoon, that I was taken aback for a few minutes. My fondest memory of our time there was swimming in our resort’s glorious heated outdoor pool in the moonlight and the crisp mountain air. It was September and while during the day it was about 70 degrees, the evenings were in the upper 40s. The entire trip was amazing, but when I start thinking about it, the nights are the first thing to come to mind.

We’ll have been married for 5 years this coming September, and as it happens, we’ll be going back to The White Mountains of New Hampshire. I’m so excited about it that I can hardly contain myself. While our original plan was to go to Maine to visit our friend Melissa, we’ve slowly been migrating toward taking the kids to do the things we enjoyed when we were there. We may go to Maine for a day, but the deals in NH that time of year, 1 week before their peak fall foliage season begins are phenomenal. I don’t know how I’ll make it through the next 2 months because I seriously just want to go right now.

We happened to have an amazing time on Saturday. The rock formations were just gorgeous and it was a beautiful (if not a little bit cool) sunny day. The path was just a tiny bit treacherous, with some deep crevices and a few cliffs, but we kept a good hold of the kids, and they were just beside themselves with all of the rocks and caves…..and they had to sit on every bench we came across.

We ate our picnic lunch and went through the store before leaving, and then stopped in Ellicottville where they had a teeny tiny craft show on the way home. We ended up being home by about 3:30 and grilled some pork and were all in bed early which was so needed after the long day we had.

The day’s only downside was coming home to find that we had received a letter from our insurance company stating that they would not be covering Ed’s tonsillectomy because it was not deemed to be medically necessary. You know, like he just got up one day and said “I’d sure like t have my tonsils out. What the hell. This is the same insurance company who denied his going to an ambulatory care center when his tonsils had swelled so large that he couldn’t breathe. You know, it probably wasn’t important, and he probably didn’t need to have them out. All that I know is that this really sucks. We have to go through an appeal process and if they don’t pay it….I don’t know what we’ll do.

Anyhoo….

Ed got up early yesterday to go to work, and at about 5:30AM Eddie came to let me know that he’d peed in his bed. I changed him and he crawled in bed with me, and we slept in until 8:30!! It was great to sleep in, but ended up being just about the only great thing of the day. The kids were maniacs. I don’t know what got in to them. They were just absolutely crazy, I took them for haircuts, we went to the grocery store, and I don’t even know…they were just very high maintenance. And my saint of a husband, upon coming home and seeing me frazzled, sent me to Starbucks to catch a few minutes by myself. Wonderful man. (The catch was that I had to stop and by a thermometer for our fridge, which was still acting up but I didn’t really care. Incidentally, our freezer was at 28 degrees, not nearly cold enough, and the fridge was at 55 degrees…..so we ended up putting what we could in a cooler and the rest in the fridge in the garage and completely defrosting the whole thing. As of this morning it was working great, fridge at 40 degrees and freezer at -10 degrees. Oh, and by the way [#2] you know how I was paranoid about the downstairs freezer…..it ended up being open when I went down there yesterday. Can you even believe it!! All of my freaking out wasn’t for nothing!!)

Ed’s dad ended up taking the kids out for a while last night too, so I was able to straighten up and cook dinner in peace. I normally make my own garlic bread, but I happened to buy Pepperidge Farm’s roasted garlic premium garlic bread and let me tell you it was TO.DIE.FOR. Yummy Yummy.

This has become an extraordinarily long entry, so I’ll end here. Work is super busy and even though I haven’t officially taken a lunch break there is much to be done.

~Sigh~

I think that it really sucks that the season finale of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip was also the series finale.

People need to start watching the good stuff so it doesn’t get canceled.

Ok, well thanks to this:

And some retail therapy suggested by Swistle, my day ended up being much better yesterday. Any time I can spend $22.43 and get 2 shirts, 2 skirts and a bathing suit for Cait plus 3 muscle shirts for Eddie is a great day. That averages out to $2.49 per item!!!

Our fridge is being crazy though and it’s kind of making me crazy. I’m pretty sure that the problem is actually our freezer, which somehow has this solid wall of ice on the interior back wall, and while the previously frozen items are still frozen all of my fudgecicles were liquefied and my ground beef was spongy. So I spent an hour last night hauling food from upstairs to my basement freezer. I hope that Ed has a chance to look at it today. This all makes me very uncomfortable, having all of my eggs in one basket, or, er, having all of my meat in one freezer. I kept going downstairs last night to make sure that the freezer door wasn’t left open or something. I’m so paranoid that I’m going to lose all of my food. Very OCD, I know.

Today started out really crappy when I spilled my iced coffee all over me. It could have been worse though, could have been hot. Then I had some AWESOME chicken fingers for lunch…so it’s all good. Plus it’s Friday……

We are still very much looking forward to our picnic tomorrow. I’ll be sure to take tons of pictures.

Is it ever acceptable to drink at work? If it wasn’t before, I think today might be the day.

Mojitos anyone???

If it weren’t for Swistle, I don’t think I would have made it past noon.

Except now I really want some cookie dough.

At least I can laugh about the customer who called me a scumbag piece of shit.

But I still really hate my job today.

I am actually really excited about going to this glacial park that’s about 2 hours away on Saturday. We’re packing a picnic and heading out early. It’s supposed to be a really cool place, where you can climb on the rocks. There’s a mile long trail through the glacial shelf (or something like that). Eddie is really excited and keeps asking me if we’re going on our picnic today. Yesterday, after school, he said to me “I have a great idea about our picnic Mommy..”

“What is it?”

“Maybe we can have our picnic on the rocks instead of at a picnic table!!”

“That sounds like a great idea. We’ll have to check it out!”

It amazes me that he is such a different kid than he was at this time last year. Last year, when we told him we were going to “The Taste of Buffalo”, he looked at me confused and said “Will we eat the buffalo??” He thought about it for a long time after I told him that we wouldn’t be eating buffalo. “Will we just lick them?”, he asked.

And somehow, remembering that, my day just got better.

Cait bit her friend Brianna. Not once, but twice, first on Monday, and then again yesterday. I guess it was a sharing issue.

So I spoke with the director a bit yesterday and told her that I’m totally not playing the “not my kid…” card but this is not something that is ordinary for Caitlyn, so I’d like to understand the situation a little bit better. She has never bitten her brother, or anyone at home. She’s an aggressive child, yes-she will hit pinch or kick you in a minute, but she is not a biter. So did Brianna possibly do something to provoke her? Did she maybe yank a toy out of her hand? Nobody knew. They caught it just after it happened, when Brianna screamed. Brianna and Cait are the best of friends, so something must have gotten out of control—but nobody knows.

Maybe I’m missing something, but shouldn’t all eyes be on the two-year-olds? I’m just throwing it out there….

Ed and I don’t treat our kids like babies, and by this I mean that even in their 2 and 3-ness, we try and have rational discussions with them. So I talked with Cait on the way home about biting and how we tell a teacher if something is wrong, and how we have to use our words, rather than biting our friends. At the end I asked her “Why did you bite Brianna?” And she told me “Nana throw sand”.

I believe her.

And I’ll be having a conversation with her teacher when I pick her up this afternoon because while biting is severely unacceptable, throwing sand is also unacceptable. These girls need to be watched more carefully. When I pay $352 a week to send my kids to the best daycare around, I want answers. I want a detailed accounting of what occurred.

I don’t think it’s too much to ask.