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Not The Cool Mom

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CA’s gymnastics school is closing; Saturday is her last day. I’m torn in my feelings about it because she really enjoys it, and is really good at it (for an almost 3-year-old) but the mom’s were just really hard for me to deal with. So on one had its “poor CA!!!” and on the other it’s “Phew, I never have to see those women again!”

Out of the group, there are maybe two down-to-earth mothers. The majority of them are SAHM’s, but not the cool kind like you all out there; the kind that think working mothers are doing the world a disservice; that daycare is bad etc. I understood them not talking to me at first; I can seem standoffish to those who don’t know me. I am quiet in unfamiliar situations. Even in my adult life, it is hard for me to make friends. I get that. Not to mention that I refuse to get myself all made up on a Saturday morning to take my kid to gymnastics. It’s not a big deal. But at some point, I started feeling comfortable and when one of the instructors began speaking of her sister, who had delivered a “HUGE” 8-lb baby, I inserted that CA herself weighed 9”5 and that ED was 10”2. I then joked that the Bean probably already weighed 8lbs. I wasn’t met with the chorus of “Wow, that’s amazing!!” that I normally get, but rather mutterings of “all of my kids weighed about 5lbs” and “what did you have gestational diabetes or something??”. I felt like they may as well have said “shut up! You don’t belong here!!”

A few weeks later, a new mom joined and commented that her son didn’t want to leave; and he was the same at daycare. I talked a bit with New Mom, CA is the same way and blah blah blah, and a few minutes later was approached by “the ringleader mom.”

“So CA goes to daycare?”

“Yes, she and her brother both……”

“Hmmm, I just registered J for (prestigious) Montessori School for pre-k next year. We’re on the waiting list, but I won’t mind if she’s home with me another year. Where do you work?”

I tell her.

She looks at me like I told her I work at Pizza Hut or something. “And what do you do there??”

“I’m the Assistant Vice President in charge of …”

“Oh, how nice for you.”

For some reason I justify it by saying that Hub is self employed and is home with them 2 days a week.

“Oh, that’s nice for him……”

Indeed.

I’m not sure why I allow myself to be made to feel bad by these women. I am happy with our work/daycare/life balance. My kids are happy and well adjusted. I enjoy working and providing for them. I shook off her comments I returned to class the following week with a smile determined to ignore any comments that came my way. Thankfully none did, but I have to admit that when I heard The Ringleader telling New Mom that the parents usually go out for coffee and donuts after class, that it stung a little bit.

Not all of the parents go—some were never even invited.

16 responses »

  1. Those moms never left high school. I don’t know why some women feel superior just because they have made different choices for their families. I have a friend that I used to work with who decided to stay home after having her second child. I’ve never been anything but supportive of her choice, but she takes every opportunity to tell me what and “unselfish” decision she has made for her family and how she couldn’t imagine leaving them everyday. I don’t know if she feels the need to justify that she’s not working, or if she truly feels that I’m being selfish. I just don’t understand why it matters one way or another.You don’t want to have coffee with those skanks anyway. Good riddance gymnastics school.

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  2. That’s depressing. It makes me really sad to hear about things like this. It’s so frustrating that people can’t just deal with the fact that other people make different choices. Gah.

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  3. Lori- I know right? It’s just annoying.Jess- it really is about tolerance, isn’t it?

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  4. That sucks! Some people are so stupid. That’s probably why I don’t do too many activities like that.I would be your friend! Too bad we don’t live closer. AND my son weighed 9 lbs 11 ozs at birth, so I would totally high-five you.

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  5. Man, it really sounds like they’re insecure in their own choice to stay home and have to disparage everyone else.They also remind me of the two ditzy blond women in “The New Adventures of Old Christine” who always ride Julia Louis-Dreyfus about stuff.

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  6. I can’t stand people like that. I think everyone can make their own choices and while people may not agree, they need to learn to keep their opinions to themselves. I’ve been a working outside of the home mom AND a SAHM and both provide different challenges and joys. Those who think they are better for doing one over the other need to get a life. Or at least shut up. :)And I think we’d be fine friends, even if my kiddos weren’t 9lbs!

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  7. Could you have really stomached a whole conversation over coffee with those women, though?But, I understand. It sucks to be excluded, even if it’s from a group that I wouldn’t have enjoyed. Sometimes I catch myself justifying my working life too, and really I know I don’t need to.

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  8. They remind me of the cool girls from Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion. Who needs that crap? Must be exhausting trying to convince everyone how superior you are all the time.

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  9. people are stupid. grr.in all reality, they just find something to feel superior about – probably to mask their own insecurities. I’ve realized that’s most often why people are arrogant or put others down. They just need to feel good about themselves. We say we grow up, but it’s the same as any teenager really.annoying. 😛

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  10. bitchesThe whole SAH thing never made sense to me since I think there are major advantages to both – and frankly, I think different kids do better in different situations. It would be crazy to assume that every child would be best off in day care or at home.I went to a trial class for gymnastics with O thinking he’d love it and maybe I’d meet some cool new moms. bizarrely enough almost every parent there was a divorced dad trying to get some quality time in with his kid on his weekend.

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  11. I can’t stand “those moms.” I’ve never even been tempted by the playgroup thing and I met my best mom friend at a storytime. BOOK SLUTS AND INDIE WOMEN UNITE!

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  12. You know, I was going to try to be polite and demur, but…Fuck dem bitches. (Sorry)Shame on them. Shame on them. Shame on them. Of COURSE you shouldn’t feel bad about anything they say or think. They are evil and disgusting and don’t deserve to be titled “human”.As for the big babies, well hmph. When they asked if you had gestational diabetes and said their kids were all around 5 pounds, I wish you could have said, “Five Pounds? Jeez, that is a low birth weight. Did you smoke?”Zing! Aaaahhhahahahaha!You are a fabulous mommy and a great wife and an excellent breadwinner. Look at you go! Assistant Vice President indeed. I am jealous. Supporting one’s family is honorable. And in a lot of ways, I think staying at home, in some cases, mine specifically, would be done for selfish reasons. I don’t want you to go to coffee with those ‘things’ anyway. You are wayyy too good for them.

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  13. Man I love you guys!!!!Misty- do you think I could pull a George Costanza and go back and say that to her? Well, the JERK STORE is running out of YOU!!!

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  14. OMG! How terrible! Shame on those women! SHAME! Another reason why I tend to shy away from that stuff, too.If you were talking to me, I would so say “Wow!” about your kids’ birth weights. And I would NEVER ask someone if they’d had gestational diabetes. I can’t go on. I’m just so disgusted. Here’s hoping you find a group of moms (um, besides us internet ones) who are WORTH a cup of coffee….

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  15. HOW NICE FOR YOU? GAH!!!!!! Oh, the humanity. The jerk store IS running out of her! HEHE!It’s actually mostly dads at our gymnastics class, which is kind of funny.HOW NICE FOR THEM!Bah. That’s my new thought of the day, that’s how irritating it is.

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  16. ewww ewwww ewwwww ewww.those moms need to meet me. i would tell them right where they could shove it up their perfectly coifed pie hole

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