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Friday Free For All–Work Stuff

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1. I had a minor nervous breakdown on Tuesday when I was working late and could not find my evening Zantac in my purse. The laughter of my employees brought me out of it, as I had the entire contents of my purse, including tampons (um, why are they still there??) spread across my desk. For some reason, none of us could stop laughing. I did find the pill, entangled in about 400 receipts held together with a broken off pen top.
2. We actually laugh a lot at work. One of my employees is a complete germophobe and slathers her entire body in antibacterial gel about 30 times a day. Another employee came over last Friday to tell me that she had seen the girl disinfect the change she just got back from the pop machine. I laughed so hard that I cried. I’ve thought about rubbing my ass on her keyboard A la Elaine, but she actually wipes down her entire desk when she gets in every morning.
3. Tomorrow is my scheduled Saturday to work. I was thinking about taking some photos of my desk to show the world where I blog from. You might be disgusted though because I keep it in a horrible state of disarray. But I know where everything is.
4. I still have one of three bags of Munchos left. You thought I didn’t have any self control.
5. My boss regularly sends me links to check out celebrity gossip and odd things she finds online. She is the best laid back kind of boss there is. She’s also a bad influence on me when it comes to eating and shopping, which is why I have to be well on track with a post-pregnancy diet before I get back to work.
6. We have an employee in my department who has “chemical sensitivity”. A few years ago it was mandated that nobody on our side of the building wear perfume/cologne/scented lotions and no cleaners from home were allowed. We actually invested in this vinegar based cleaner that 1. smells like, well, vinegar (or douche, I’m told) and 2. does not do a very good job. This employee lost a lot of weight last year and all of the sudden we noticed the smell of perfume on her. Scented hairspray too. And she started coloring her own hair. Nobody takes precautions any longer; however the “chemical sensitivity” signs are still posted all over our side of the building.
7. Our coffee machines dispense coffee for free. It is not good coffee. We are not allowed to brew coffee at our desks, or have any other small appliances either.
8. We have an unofficial Lactation Room that despite my booking months in advance had people in it holding meetings at my designated times. I found an abandoned office with a lock and no windows the last time around, but we have since remodeled. I am contacting site management to turn the original room in to an official Lactation Room so that nursing mothers no longer have to worry about being evacuated to the bathroom in order to bring milk home to their babies. (I use an electric pump anyway, so the bathroom thing does not fly for me.)

11 responses »

  1. When I read your blogs about work, I actually miss working. Not all the crap that went with the actual job of course, but the people. I miss people. As Barbara Streisand would sing, People Who Need People are the Luckiest People in the World.Holy shit, I need to get out more.

  2. Seriously, your workplace could be a sitcom. We’ll call it “The Bank”. Take the picture of your desk… it might make me feel better!

  3. I can’t believe people hold meetings in the lactation room! You totally need to make that thing official, STAT.Also, it makes me upset when people abuse antibacterial products, because that contributes to antimicrobial resistance and eventually antibacterial products will be useless because we’ll have created super resistant strains of bacteria. UGH.

  4. We should ALL take pictures of our desk. Yes, I think this is a fabulous idea. Also, go you with the “official lactation room” thing. Mommies, UNITE! I love activism ;).Also…sterilizing change? *Ahem* That’s different.

  5. Oh! And Zantac! Has it been working better for you than the Pepcid?

  6. OMG. I had Lactation Room problems with every pregnancy. I was shifted all over the building(s) and had to pump in some pretty creepy places. The best was when I had to use a projection room. I had to keep the lights off, so you couldn’t see me through the screen. And the folks watching the projections on the other side could HEAR the pump. I just laughed about it and went on my merry way. What else was there to do?Elaine’s butt on the keyboard! Ha! I had a freaky co-worker like that. She’d spray lysol in your face if you so much as had a sniffle. Just wash your hands, people! Sheesh!

  7. I would love you see your desk! And NO, I will NOT show you mine! You will BARF! The PILES! I am a piler.Um, that germophobe girls sounds less like “germophobe” and more like “severe OCD”. She disinfects CHANGE! And her DESK!I love your coworkers. I mean, not really, I actually hate them intensely on your behalf, but still. LOVE IT.

  8. What is going ON with my typo rate today? GOD.

  9. I am stuck on that chemical sensitivity thing. I would be kind of…ticked off. And I would imagine forcing her to recant.I would like to put an embarrassing sign on the lactation room—something that would make it so NO ONE would want to be seen going in there unless they were actually using it as a lactation room.I am a little fiesty-crabby today, I think!

  10. I’ll post a picture of my desk (here at home, of course) I like Swistle’s idea of a “meaningful” sign posted on the lactation room. Yes indeedy.

  11. Oh Swistle’s idea about a funny/sarcastic sign on the Lactation Room door is GREAT! I love all your fun facts. I suppose it’s this way in all work environments, sometimes you just have to be able to laugh.


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