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Status Updates I Could have posted to Facebook, but Saved for Here

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…mysteriously has only one swollen ankle. Or Kankle.

…is glad that the third time around, she remembers that all of the hair she has grown on her belly does go away.

…practiced really great parenting on the 4th of July.

…had happy kids over the holiday weekend.

…doesn’t think that the Jon and Kate Plus 8 music video should make her blubber like a baby, but somehow, it does.

…is deathly afraid of water, and projected such fears on to her children. She eventually gave in though, and Bud lived.

…doesn’t give a rat’s ass about “his needs” when she is 36-weeks pregnant.

…is 36 weeks pregnant!!!! Her belly is bigger than her boobs!!

…looks like a sumo wrestler (with great hair).

…coughed so hard in the middle of the night that she threw up on the living room carpet. Cleaning up your own vomit at 2AM is very glamorous.

…is embarrassed when Lucy uses baby talk. Not because it’s stupid and annoying (which it is), but because she wants everyone to know how smart and well spoken her 3-year-old actually is.

…is maybe a little bit shallow.

…definitely needs more sleep.

…can’t wait to meet her new baby girl.

Mish Mosh

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• I think that my blog is officially like “What the hell??” after receiving 40 comments yesterday and double that in hits. This contest thing is kind of weird. All of these bloggers that I’ve “seen around” but never visited were at my blog yesterday, and I was at theirs. It was like a mixer of sorts, huh?
• Though I usually do their shoe shopping on my own, I took Bud and Lucy with me last night so that they could try things on. Things were ok while I was taking care of Lucy, who ended up with some light-up princess sandals and a cute pair of pink Mary Jane style sneakers. Bud ran up and down the aisles a bit, but overall, he was manageable. While trying to find him a new pair of sneakers though, Lucy was a tyrant. Running, screaming, pulling things off of shelves—you name it. She was completely out of my control. Finally, she knocked a garbage can over causing a huge crash and then started screaming and crying “I’m sorry Mama!!” over and over again while flailing her arms in an all out freak-fest. The way she behaved you would think that she received regular beatings or something. She finally calmed down and then she and Bud locked the doors and put down the door stops while I was paying at which point the store manager yelled at them and gave me a dirty look. I can never go back there again. Lesson learned—we went right from school. I totally should have fed them first.
• Bud got a pair of Spiderman sandals, by the way, but no sneakers. I don’t know what it is about size 11.5, which is what he has worn for nearly a year. I can never find anything. (unless it’s really ugly) So I guess I’ll be checking out Target or something for new sneakers because he needs them for school.
• Things I have said in the last 2 days that I never thought I would: “Please take your mouth off of the garbage can!!” and “Why are your sneakers in the cupboard next to my clean plates?” (The answer was “So Lucy can’t find them and put them on……”) OMG.
• For Bud, today was the best day ever because they started work on our street. The equipment has been there since Friday, but this morning they actually started working……at 6AM. I was up already, but Bud came out of his room screaming “Mommy!! The back hoe!! The digger!!! A FORKLIFT!!!” They also put their outhouse on my neighbor’s lawn right across the street. She must be loving that. The good about this? We are getting a brand new street with proper drainage, new water lines to support sump pumps, brand new 4-foot wide cement sidewalks, and a tree out front. The bad? We can not park on the street (or in our driveways if we’d like to leave during the day) from like 7AM to 7PM. We live one house from the corner and Hub is going to ask our neighbor whose driveway is just around the corner if I could maybe park there during the day so that I don’t have to park at Walgreens or around the block or something.
• Did I mention that today is my actual last full day of work??? OMG!! There is so much to do!! We are having a baby!!!

Friday Free For All–The Random Mish Mosh of Things I Didn’t Tell You This Week Edition

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1. OH! So you wanted to hear actual details about my pregnancy related doctor’s visit this week? How rude of me! The hip pain and locking I’ve been experiencing is, in fact, sciatica. Who knew? I met the third and final doctor of my practice and she might be my favorite so far…she curses more than I do! She began documenting my chart re: the sciatica so that I can get out of work as soon as possible. Apparently, (according to her) “insurance companies typically don’t give a damn when it comes to pulling a woman from work because of sciatica. They’re all run by men who do not understand this pain.” So we’ll keep record of it and I’ll stick it out another week or two, and I’ll be done working. My insurance is pretty lenient though; I was pulled for a hemorrhoid the last time around….
2. Speaking of embarrassing pregnancy symptoms, I had a sneeze stuck all day yesterday. I kept getting the “ha ha….” But no “CHOO!”. Finally, at about 10PM the choo up and surprised me, and I, well, peed a little. The joys, right? What is the most embarrassing thing that happened to you while pregnant? For me, and nobody even knows, it was when I was 8-months pregnant with Lucy and we were in Virginia Beach. Our second night there, we decided to take Bud for a dip in the pool. I was amazed at how relaxing the water was; I felt light, and comfortable, and didn’t have 15lbs resting on my bladder. We stayed in for quite a while—I even stated for a bit once Hub and Bud were done. Getting out was the issue. Standing on the deck, all of the sudden my legs were warm. I thought “well what the…..did my water break??” Oh no. All of the pressure being back on my bladder caused me involuntarily pee. I couldn’t do anything but laugh hysterically, and be glad that nobody else was around. (The second most embarrassing pregnancy thing for me was Bud pulling down my whole shirt, from the neck, in the grocery store. There were exposed breasts involved. Maybe THIS is the most embarrassing…..)
3. I have developed a craving for anything containing apple compote. The Tim Horton’s by our house has a delicious apple cheese danish and I have had to set a serious limit on myself to 2 per day. I’m glad that none of the others in my daily path carry them, for I would be in big trouble. McDonald’s apple pies do not figure in to my 2 per day limit, in case you were wondering.
4. Lucy has taken to a fun new game where she asks such questions as “what if I turned in to a table?” or “what if I turned in to the ceiling?” I’ve taken to wanting to hurl myself out the window.
5. We took a really fun trip to Canada’s Wonderland yesterday, which is actually where Dora and Diego live. Spongebob was visiting from the Ocean as well. Despite being stuck in traffic for 3 hours on the way home, it was a great day. We took it really slow, and let the kids do pretty much whatever they wanted. We were afraid Lucy would be too small for the rides, but she just made it. It was our first big outing without a stroller, and it was missed—not for kid-porting, but for storage. Olivia will give us reason to use it again soon though!!! Here are a few photos:

Bud Lucy and Me on a Swan Boat. (Alternate title: Holy Bazongas!!!!)

Watching Bud Ride

You should have heard him trash-talking the other kids! “You’re going in to the wall…I’m slamming you in to it. You’ll never hit my car!” and so on…

Diego is a bit creepy, no? A lot creepy? Yeah…

Didn’t stop Lucy though….

BY FAR Lucy’s favorite ride

My absolute favorite photo of the day

Here it is the right way though

6. I am back to work on Monday, so more regular posting will follow. I am committed to catching up on blogs now, before Hub gets home. It’s impossible to get on the computer when he’s home. I am fearing that my blog will be severely lacking while I’m on maternity leave.

Friday Free For All–Work Stuff

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1. I had a minor nervous breakdown on Tuesday when I was working late and could not find my evening Zantac in my purse. The laughter of my employees brought me out of it, as I had the entire contents of my purse, including tampons (um, why are they still there??) spread across my desk. For some reason, none of us could stop laughing. I did find the pill, entangled in about 400 receipts held together with a broken off pen top.
2. We actually laugh a lot at work. One of my employees is a complete germophobe and slathers her entire body in antibacterial gel about 30 times a day. Another employee came over last Friday to tell me that she had seen the girl disinfect the change she just got back from the pop machine. I laughed so hard that I cried. I’ve thought about rubbing my ass on her keyboard A la Elaine, but she actually wipes down her entire desk when she gets in every morning.
3. Tomorrow is my scheduled Saturday to work. I was thinking about taking some photos of my desk to show the world where I blog from. You might be disgusted though because I keep it in a horrible state of disarray. But I know where everything is.
4. I still have one of three bags of Munchos left. You thought I didn’t have any self control.
5. My boss regularly sends me links to check out celebrity gossip and odd things she finds online. She is the best laid back kind of boss there is. She’s also a bad influence on me when it comes to eating and shopping, which is why I have to be well on track with a post-pregnancy diet before I get back to work.
6. We have an employee in my department who has “chemical sensitivity”. A few years ago it was mandated that nobody on our side of the building wear perfume/cologne/scented lotions and no cleaners from home were allowed. We actually invested in this vinegar based cleaner that 1. smells like, well, vinegar (or douche, I’m told) and 2. does not do a very good job. This employee lost a lot of weight last year and all of the sudden we noticed the smell of perfume on her. Scented hairspray too. And she started coloring her own hair. Nobody takes precautions any longer; however the “chemical sensitivity” signs are still posted all over our side of the building.
7. Our coffee machines dispense coffee for free. It is not good coffee. We are not allowed to brew coffee at our desks, or have any other small appliances either.
8. We have an unofficial Lactation Room that despite my booking months in advance had people in it holding meetings at my designated times. I found an abandoned office with a lock and no windows the last time around, but we have since remodeled. I am contacting site management to turn the original room in to an official Lactation Room so that nursing mothers no longer have to worry about being evacuated to the bathroom in order to bring milk home to their babies. (I use an electric pump anyway, so the bathroom thing does not fly for me.)

Just Stuff

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1. I am booked solid from 11:00-3:30 today and then have another meeting at 4. Here is the question: When the hell am I going to eat?? Hopefully the 3 bags of Munchos I bought from the vending machine yesterday (they were $.50!! A Bargain!! I couldn’t just buy one!!) will 1. get me through the day and 2. Not crunchily annoy the folks I am on the phone with.
2. I’m tired of people talking about gas prices. I realize it is expensive and a pain in the ass, but guess what—the majority of us have no other choice than to suck it up. So let’s stop making idle chit chat about it, and reporting about “NEW RECORD HIGHS!!” on the news. Let me tell you this—I filled my tank last Wednesday and it cost me $92.00. I am just now at half a tank. I’m going to assume that this will get me through Sunday because we have some extra driving to do—so 11 days for one tank at $92.00. it costs me $8.36 a day to drive to and from work, to the grocery store, gymnastics, Tim Horton’s, Tae Kwon Do, and/or Starbucks. If I took the bus to all of these different places, even if I had a monthly bus pass, it would cost me $8.33 per day PLUS a hell of a lot more time with walking from stop to stop, waiting, and changing bus lines. It is worth the extra $.03. Also—people need to stop sending the “boycott Exxon and Mobil” emails. Here’s a fun fact about gas which I learned when jack of all trades Hub owned a gas station for a few years: The majority of gas (at least in this area), regardless of where YOU buy it from, is purchased from Exxon or Mobil. You may be buying it at say, Getty, but it is probably Exxon/Mobil fuel. So there!!
3. Why do I need to continually explain to Lucy that fruit snacks are not an appropriate breakfast food?
4. A casual acquaintance (co-worker who takes her kid to our daycare) asked me last week about how I was feeling and I mentioned that this was the hardest pregnancy thus far. She had the nerve to say to me “Well, it does get harder with age……” Um, 1. How old do you think I am? And 2. Go to hell.
5. My hair is ridiculously long, thanks to prenatal vitamins AND being too lazy to have it trimmed. It is also 48 times fuller than it normally is. I bought Herbal Essences Dangerously Straight shampoo, and it works like a dream to tame all of the body. This is the type of shampoo that would give me limp locks when not pregnant, but it is SO the right thing for my hair right now. There are few things better than finding a good shampoo, no?

Friday Free For All (28-week check-up edition)

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• I don’t have Gestational Diabetes!! Hooray! No more of that orange crap!!
• I am in the “meet all of the doctors in our practice in case they deliver your baby” phase. I met Dr. 2 of 3 today and liked her just as much as my regular doctor. I feel very validated in changing practices.
• As of now, I am on every 2 week visits. The third trimester!! Holy Hell!!
• Doctor asked “how many kids is this for you???” and when I said 3 she immediately asked me what I was doing about birth control post-baby. What if I said nothing?? (I said Mirena because I’ve heard it’s an excellent option for breastfeeding moms and she agreed stating “more effective than tubal ligation!! They should put that on a billboard.)
• She wants me to see a surgeon regarding my hernia. They will probably do nothing while I am pregnant, however, it’s better to have a relationship with someone incase something does happen. So I’ll schedule that shortly.
• To date I have gained 18 lbs. I weigh right now what I did at the end of my pregnancy with Bud. (shoot harpoon me)
• I am measuring 2 weeks ahead of schedule, which is on par for me. We will be evaluating size between 34 and 36 weeks.
• Olivia kicked or punched the Doppler in every spot the doctor placed it. Already, she has SPUNK. (I am in for it………)

In blast from the past news: The last song I heard on my way in today was Michael Jackson “Black or White”. Wasn’t this the coolest video back in the day? I loved Macauley Culkin and the morphing faces! Then my very favorite show at the time, “In Living Color” spoofed it. “Am I black or white, please tell me! We don’t know!” It’s funny what you remember when you least expect it. This goes back to me being in 8th grade—like 15 years.

On one hand, reminiscing is good, but the other hand makes me want to vomit.

I’m old.

Minor Annoyance

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1. I just got an email from Target that the going home outfit I ordered will not ship until at least 7/15. Yeah, that’s a problem. I’m only somewhat irritated though because upon closer inspection of the baby clothes we already have, it is the exact same outfit Lucy came home in. Both kids came home in a Winnie the Pooh outfit that came with hat and booties. I would like something similar for Olivia but I’m not sure what. More shopping for me……yay.

This is the only picture I have of Bud coming home????

Here’s Lucy!

2. Hub just called because his mother called to ask him which I prefer: silver or gold. The short answer is none of the above. I am annoyed for 2 reasons—1. Hub should know that the answer is white gold AND that anything that is not 100% gold will give me a horrific rash. 2. Both of them should know that I do not wear jewelry and buying me jewelry gives me this awkward feeling of obligation to wear it OR makes me feel like crap when after say, 3 years you have never seen me wear the earrings you bought me. Seriously, I can’t even be bothered to wear my wedding ring. People should know this.
3. I have to go to three banks on my lunch break which I pretty much think is shit.
4. Lucy is constipated and it’s not her diet. She just plain refuses to poop. I sat on the floor in the bathroom with her for about 20 minutes last night letting her hug me while she squeezed it out—she screamed and cried the entire time. Who knew that being a mother could be so glamorous? And also, thanks to Hub for teaching her to say “I growed a big tail!!”
5. Bud has a Tae Kwon Do expo on Saturday. There is no way he’s going to do it in front of anyone who is not normally there. I’m not looking forward to it.
6. Hub has also invited a friend over on Saturday to help him finish tearing out the kitchen—which is great!. His friend is bringing his 8 and 5-year-old because his wife is out of town, which leaves me responsible for 4 children. Great news—it will be cold and rainy!! We’ll all be cooped up in the living room!
7. It is times like these when I miss booze.

Random Crap and Questions

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I still have not bought my husband a birthday gift because I am a horrible excuse for a human being. Honestly, I just don’t know what to do. There is one thing in the world that he wants, but I think he’ll be upset with me because of the money. But why shouldn’t I spend it? Especially when he’s offered to take me to the new maternity store in town, that offers pregnancy massage and all kinds of other cool stuff, tomorrow…on his birthday. I don’t know. I have to go out after work tonight and make a decision because I wasn’t able to get out on my lunch today. 1st day of the month and work is a horror. I was up to my eyeballs in reports until about 12:30, taking a few minutes here and there to browse blogs in order to save my sanity. I will not miss the monthly reporting when I am off. No Siree.

We are thinking of cancelling the install for our kitchen. Hub thinks it’s ridiculous to pay close to $2k to install some cabinets when he is the one doing the entire tear-out and redesign. The guy is literally coming in to hang cupboards. He’s probably right; but I just want it to be so perfect. I’m going to trust him; I typically do on these matters anyway.

Have any of you gone to a home show, like at your local convention center? Hub gave our number (read, MY cell phone) to several companies and when they are calling to make appointments, they are insistent on both of us being there. Like, one person can’t make the decision. When Hub tells them that he is the one at home and that I work full time, they want to come out on Saturday or Sunday……or like, FRIDAY NIGHT! So we can both be there……it makes no sense to me. I flat out told someone who called last night that I didn’t care and that Hub makes house decisions—it was some gutter crap or something—why do I care about gutters??? OH! I don’t!! Anyhoo, the lady on the phone asked me if I could just be there as a personal favor to her because she gets in trouble if only one spouse is at the consult. WTF? Sure, Patty my dear old friend….as a personal favor to you. IDIOT.

Can someone remind me to pay my cell phone bill today? Kthanks.

So I used the pseudonyms yesterday……was it weird for anybody? The feeling of typing out “Lucy” and “Bud” was akin to speaking with marbles in my mouth. So should I try and get used to it? Should I resort back to ED and CA? Should I just use their real names for the love of Pete? Is it vain of me to assume that someone would specifically google my kid’s names in an effort to read about my life? Seriously? We all know it’s not about anonymity—billions of you know my full name because of Swistle and the Facebook and I don’t care. (Billions, HA, now that’s vain) It shouldn’t be this hard. But if I’m keeping the pseudonyms, I have to update my profile.

I’m babbling because I am wicked tired. I actually slept in bed all night and I feel worse than if I’d been on the couch.

I have to sort all of my reports to present at 2:00 PM so I guess I’m ending this now.

The Long and Winding Post…….

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I mentioned the other day that I wanted to get away from using initials for my kid’s names. I’m pretty set on calling CA “Lucy” as that is what I call her at home anyway. The Bean will be Olivia because we can’t use it but I love it. Much like choosing a boy’s name though, choosing a pseudonym for ED is excruciating! Nothing fits. He is nothing to me other than his name. I call him Handsome and Bud at home, but those don’t fit here. I should just say SCREW IT and go back to using their real names. Everyone knows them anyway. It’s just the whole searching thing. If someone searched all 3 kid’s names, surely they would find this Blog, correct? This is stupid. And hard.

I’m ready to stop working now. Really really ready. The official countdown is 99 days! DOUBLE DIGITS!! But I anticipate giving birth between 7/21 and 7/28 which puts us at about 11-12 weeks to go. (Watch me go like 10 days overdue or some crap) Seriously though, with how low she is, my back is killing me consistently, I have my usual pregnancy related hip pain, and now I have this hernia to contend with, which is actually pretty sore. Work is also ridiculously busy and stressful on top of it, so it seems like a good idea to be done sooner than later. I’m at the point where I would be paid for any time off as long as it was medically necessary and documented (2 weeks per year of service times 8 years=16 weeks of paid time off prior to Maternity Leave) I planned on working at least through 7/15 and friends, I don’t think it’s going to happen. My issue is with my monthly bonus—I have to work at least one day in the month to qualify for it. So….June 1st? July 1st? I have 9 vacation days plus Memorial Day off in May so I think I can get through it.

I also have until tomorrow to decide the kid’s summer daycare schedule. When I had CA, ED was still at the old center and they were very flexible. I dropped him down to 2 days a week to get him out of the house as well as to give me alone time with CA. The new center, not so flexible. They can go MWF or T/THU. I think that for consistency, the MWF is the best, and I do receive my full pay while I am out, so no big deal. I just wish we could go Tues/Weds/Thurs instead and then have them home Friday through Monday. 3 days on, 4 days off, you know? Maybe if I sat down and talked with the director……but I really don’t want to.

Hub’s birthday is Friday; he will be 32. I still have not got him a gift. I still don’t know what to get him. I actually know what I want to get him, but I think he will be upset with the cost. I don’t know. I have the day off and we are planning on doing lunch at the Casino where they have a huge buffet. We go there exclusively to eat, we almost never gamble. Then we’ll have cake at home after we pick up the kids. Is it wrong that I’m stressing out about not being near the computer all day for Swistle’s Big Reveal? Thankfully, I can check email and read Blogs through the internet browser on my phone. I just can’t comment.

My mother really irritated me on Sunday which I neglected to mention yesterday. ED was being a real pisser at dinner, pouting and just being nasty overall. After Hub said something he didn’t like he said “Well FINE THEN!” I’m, not eating!!” Hun took his drink away, stating the obvious—he wasn’t drinking pop if he wasn’t eating dinner. ED broke down in hysterics so Hub took him out of the restaurant. My mother was appalled “all of that for a little bit of acting out?” I told her it is the only way to deal with him; the only thing that works. “I think it’s too much and it really bothers me.” Again, you do not deal with this kid on a daily basis. When he gets in this sort of mood you have to physically remove him from the situation in order to break it. “So what, now they’re not going to eat dinner??” They will be back in a few minutes; ED just needs time to relax. “Well, it really bothers me.” I wanted to say really hurtful things, relating to the way my youngest brother acts and behaves—that maybe if she had used some different tactics he wouldn’t be the way he is. But I bit my tongue. She feels bad enough about my brother as it is. And sure enough, Hub and ED returned less than 5 minutes later, with ED happy as a clam. I don’t appreciate my parenting being criticized. Here’s the thing—we will put up with silliness, and we can tolerate moods/acting out to an extent—it is typical preschool/toddler behavior. But when it turns in to total bullshit, it is plain not allowed. We have happy, well adjusted, and for the most part, very well behaved children. I felt like she was implying we were beating them or something……we don’t even spank them. I feel better getting that out—much better.

I am treating myself to Burger King for lunch today. Hub picked up food for himself and the kids yesterday but nothing for me because 1. I haven’t been eating much for dinner and 2. He didn’t know what I would want. Of course, this put me on the warpath……but I can recover by getting my own Whopper today. I’m excited, which in a word, is sad.

Finally, out of the mouth of my baby, I offer you three recent revelations. The first, after hearing someone on TV mention their boyfriend: “I have two boyfriends, Merrick and Davin……” At dinner on Friday she stood up, pointed to Hub and said “what the hell is the matter with you!!” (That one is all me…) And on the way home the other day “Mommy, we don’t say sum of the bitch, we say sum of the gun, right?” (I take no credit for that one though…she heard it from my dad on Easter…one time…and has been obsessed ever since.)

Friday Free For All

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• This is actually my 100th entry here, however I have 143 entries over here, so I’m not celebrating. If you want to know 100 things about me, you can read them here.
• I am getting bored of using abbreviations for the kid’s names on here. It’s tiring. I don’t want to use their real names because I don’t want my immediate family to find me, however typing ED and CA is annoying me. Would it be too confusing if I changed their names to pseudonyms?
• I think that the parents at daycare think I am a bad mom. They must. They all dress their kids in long sleeves and pants. It is in the 50’s in the morning……but it will be 80 degrees this afternoon, so I dress my kids in shorts and t-shirts with a jacket for the morning.
• I’ve never been big on the whole bundling the kids or even a newborn phenomenon anyway. I dress them the way that I would dress myself. This drives my mother INSANE. I still remember her covering ED with tons of blankets after he was born, when he was already in a blanket sleeper. Irritating! He was warm enough. Both of my kids, like Hub are warm all the time anyway.
• Did I ever mention that I did, in fact, have strep throat this week? (for some reason I just wrote french toast instead of strep throat—weird) What a miserable freaking experience.
• I decided last night, that since I hadn’t slept in my own bed all week due to acid reflux, that I was not eating any dinner. It worked; I slept in bed without coughing up food in the middle of the night. I did wake up starving on several occasions though. Not sure which was worse?
• We have decided not to travel to Atlanta next month. There is no way I am sitting in a car for 13 hours. We will take a shorter, and closer (read cheaper) trip instead. Regardless of what we do I am off for a week and a half—YIPPEE!
• It smells like pizza and wings in here and it is making me nauseous. Tonight is pizza night at home. BOO!
• Oh! I updated my links for who I’m reading. Check out the newbies!
• ED’s injury is completely healed. He is no worse for the wear. YAY.