Author Archives: Sara

• I am finishing up my first week back at work. It wasn’t nearly as stressful as I thought it wold be. The babies were a little bit fussy with adjusting to their new schedule, but it was mostly smooth sailing.  And even though I miss them, it is really nice to sit alone in my office and drink an entire cup of coffee while it is still hot.
• The kids are chomping at the bit for summer vacation.  3 half days next week and they are done. I have no idea how I am going to handle having 5 kids home. Thank goodness for summer camp, I guess.
• We put our garden in a few weeks ago, and for the first time, I neglected to take any pictures.  We’ve had so much rain that I’ve hardly had to do anything.  I have some slug be gone or something like that coming today because something is chewing my leaves, but other than that, I think it’s going well. Gardening is my favorite; I can’t wait until things start to grow!
• We have 8 pacifiers in rotation here. This seems so ridiculous to me.
• I am on day 5 of a gluten and dairy free diet.  I’ve eaten more fruits and veggies this week than I have in a really long time.  I feel generally good, if not a little bit hungry. My biggest struggle, as always, is remembering to drink enough water.
• We booked our shelter for the girls’ birthday party this summer. Part of me thinks I am insane for throwing a huge family picnic with these tiny babies around.
• We’re also doing a mini vacation to Hershey, PA in July. The kids are beyond excited.  I am mostly excited, except for the whole 7 people in a hotel room situation.

The babies turned 3 months old last Saturday.  I went back to work today. Can someone please tell me how this is possible? On any given day, if you ask me what month it is, I am certain that it is still March.  And yet, it is June.  These babies are growing up.

As much as I thought they had little personalities in the previous months, they are more apparent now.  Molly will fuss and cry at the drop of a hat, but…BUT she also smiles so easily. Gus is still very chill.  He doesn’t fuss.  He takes everything in and is kind of cautious with his smiles. You can see him really considering things before he smiles.  I can easily see Mol barreling through the world with Gussy content to follow.

In any case, they are both super sweet.

The third month with them was a good one.  They are consistently sleeping through the night.  They don’t nap very well but I think that will come with the introduction of an actual routine, with me back at work.  I think what surprises me the most is how tied they are to their schedule.  Not that we have a day long regiment, but man…if they are not in bed between 8:30 and 9, they lose their collective shit.  They need to be fed, burped and wrapped by 9 at the latest. We usually give them their bottles around 7/7:30 and then I nurse them just before we wrap and put them down. Those swaddling blankets, man.  They are a miracle. I am Team Swaddle til College for sure.

Nursing the twins is not going as well as I would like.  I’ve always sort of struggled with my supply anyway, and this time is no different.  I know your body is supposed to adjust and yadda yadda, but mine does not.  So, I do the best I can.  They nurse 3 times a day and have formula the rest of the time, and I am ok with that.  My supply always takes a dive when I go back to work as well, but I’m hoping that it will actually be the opposite, since I am home and can pump without worrying about booking a conference room that locks.

In the third month, the babies went from just lying around like blobs to really taking in their surroundings.  They notice when I walk in the room. Molly really notices when I pick Gussy up instead of her.  They both settle when I put their bibs on because they know the bottle is coming.

We seem to finally have Molly’s reflux in check.  Prevacid twice a day is working way better than the Zantac. Prevacid has no flavor, whereas the Zantac was minty, so she sucks it right out of an extra nipple with no problem.

Month 3 Happenings:

• We started cloth diapers
• The babies spent some time in the Bumbo seats
• They outgrew size 1 disposables, and most of their 0-3 month clothes
• They are starting to enjoy floor time a bit more
• They hate tummy time…HATE
• They spent time at their first back yard camp fire

Month 3 Photos:

It’s been all pregnancy and all baby up in here for way too long, and I’ve had some thoughts recently, but none of them worthy of their own post necessarily, so, perfect time for a Free for All.

• I have very strong opinions about children wearing flip flops.  In that I don’t think they should wear them.  Ever.  There is no ankle support.  They are not meant to be run in. They are an accident waiting to happen.  Do I buy them for my kids every year anyway?  I do, for the pool and the beach, but damn if I don’t have to monitor the shit out of them to make sure the kids aren’t wearing them to play.  I know.  I’m crazy.  Also? You will pry my own flip flops out of my cold dead hands.
• After being in the program for 5 years, Eddie will be testing for his Tae Kwon Do black belt at the end of July. I am beyond proud of his achievement even though I am put out by driving him in to the city 2 days a week for the prep classes.  I HATE city driving, and though I’ve become more comfortable with the route, any small issue sends my anxiety through the roof.  Driving home in the pouring rain yesterday sent me in to full blown panic mode.  The things we do for our kids, I guess.
• Ed has been working a lot, in addition to being involved in several activities, leaving me lone wolf more than I would like.  Parenting 5 kids alone is hard work.  I’m pretty sure they can smell my weakness too.  The older ones, anyway.  The babies are tiny tyrants regardless of who is here.  I’m tired.
• I go back to work a week from Monday and we’ve finally worked out baby care.  2 days at daycare, 2 days with my mom, and 1 day split between Ed and me (depending on my meeting schedule). I’m ready to go back.  I’m ready to lock myself in my office for 8 hours a day and only have to worry about myself. This will change once I’m actually doing it, I am sure.  I will miss the babies.
• I am terrified of summer vacation and having all 5 kids home.  TUUURRRIFIIIIED.  Summer camp plans need to be made.
• I wrote this post while the babies were sleeping and thought I would still have time for a shower when I was done.  Rookie mistake.

At lunch time on March 1st, I was on the couch, talking to the admin at the kids’ school about an upcoming event, and casually texting my cousin about whether or not she should get her daughter’s ears pierced when I adjusted my enormous body and felt a gush.  For a few minutes, I didn’t think anything of it; I was sure I had just peed.  Let’s face it–all of the pressure was making it happen more and more, so why wouldn’t it start to happen when I was just sitting around minding my own business? But then I got to thinking…was there a pop? Maybe. Did it feel like maybe my pad wasn’t handling the amount of liquid? And oh yeah, didn’t I lose my mucous plug the night before?  This is when I took to Twitter, asking “Is it safe to say that you would know the difference between peeing your pants and your water breaking? Um…asking for a friend”. This was before I bugged my husband who was in a chamber of commerce luncheon with senators and congress people. That’s right, Twitter knew first!

I sat for a bit and then stood up.  I got Hannah some lunch.  I texted Shelly 150 times. And gush.  And gush again.  And so I called Ed.  He did not answer.  I texted him to call me and responded to his everything ok text with “I think my water broke…but I’m ok.” Then he called me, and booked it out of his luncheon. I told him I was going to take a shower, and not to rush but of course he did and was home before I was out of the shower, had childcare arranged for the big kids, and had his aunt on the way to the hospital to meet us to grab Han. I still took my time, and even though I kept gushing I thought maybe, just maybe this is some sort of weird bladder problem.  There was a whole ton of baby in there, you know.

Anyway, we finally got out of the house, and as Ed hit the thruway speeding I told him to relax. This was not an emergency. We probably weren’t even having the babies today! Hahahaa.  Oh, ha.

We got to the hospital, and got Hannah situated in Aunt G’s car and I insisted on walking in to labor and delivery, and managed to soak all the way through my pants on the way in, so that was nice.  There was paperwork, and then we were put in a combined triage/recovery room because there were no labor and delivery rooms available. I changed in to a gown, splatted more water all over the floor, and did not need a litmus test to determine that my water had in fact broken. We were there to stay.

I was ok for a while.  An IV was started and the blood pressure monitoring. My doctor was still a ways away. We had a sonogram to make sure the babies were still breech…and they were, so it was C-section ahoy. I was ok at the time.  Really I was.  Scared out of my mind, but ok. That is until the girl wheeled in to recovery next to me was screaming in pain because her spinal hadn’t taken, so she was put under for the delivery and didn’t have time for any pain meds.  And the one across from me had been put under for her delivery too.  This was when I started to cry hysterically.  I didn’t want to have surgery.  Not at all.  Could I go home? Could I change my mind? (No.) I got it together though, and met the anesthesiologist and talked through the plan.  No narcotics if we could help it. He would be with me through everything. Tell him if I felt sick. He was very comforting (and not the one who couldn’t get the spinals to work on those other girls.

There was only one OR open in labor and delivery, so we were told that it could be a while, but then based on the number of women who were currently delivering and not wanted to have a build-up of ladies waiting for sections I was told I was up next. I was prepped for surgery with a shave (if anyone ever asks me what to do before a section, I will suggest a good wax, because the nurse butchered me), a catheter and tons of iv fluids.  Before I knew it, I was being rolled in to the OR and Ed was left to put on his scrubs.

The OR was just like it looks on TV.  Cold, sterile and there were tools and different groups of doctors all over the place.  I moved from my roller bed to the table, and we got right to work on the spinal. It didn’t feel too much different from an epidural going in, until it felt like he hit a nerve in my leg.  Apparently, that’s what he was going for though as he asked where exactly I felt it.  One more jab, and everything went warm and then numb.  My whole body feeling asleep up to my armpits was by far the weirdest thing I had ever felt.

A large curtain was put up, and I was flat on my back. I could only see the ceiling, Ed to my left and the anesthesiologist to my right. I felt nothing when the dr. did the practice cut, except for immediately sick, so the meds in my IV were adjusted.  Before we knew it, the surgery was underway.

Molly, who was low in my belly, came out like a breeze.  I didn’t even feel the tugging and shifting everyone had warned me about. She was born at 5:07 PM and the dr. peeked her tiny head at me around the corner before taking her to get cleaned up.  She screamed her fool head off the whole time.  Angus was a different story.  I could feel them trying to maneuver him out, but he was wedged so high up under my ribs, they were having a hard time. It took a lot of manipulation, leaving his poor feet and legs black and blue, but he was out at 5:11PM. Again, the doctor peeked his head around the curtain and he was taken to be assessed.

I don’t remember much of what happened as they finished cleaning me out and stitching me up. Ed was back and forth between the babies and me. The anesthesiologist told me stories of his own twins, talked about my irregular heartbeat, and my thyroid. I felt like I was in and out of it, and everything was kind of surreal.  Soon enough though, it was over and I was being moved back to my rolling bed.  That is the one thing I remember feeling–half my body was asleep and I was told to rock it back and forth so they could get me back in to it.  I felt all of my insides shift, but couldn’t feel the outside of my body.  It was…weird.

Anyway, back in recovery, they brought the babies in, and I was finally able to hold them.  I was lying flat so it was hard, but first one at a time, and then with Ed’s help, together.  Soon, I was able to be propped up, and was able to nurse Molly. When she was done, she was taken up to the nursery to be assessed, and we tried with Gus.  He wouldn’t latch, as hard as we tried.  He cried and cried and would settle for a minute or 2, and then would cry some more. Eventually, they took him to the nursery as well.

I spent several hours in recovery waiting for a room.  Ed left for a bit to make sure the big kids were situated.  He got back after 10PM and I was still in recovery, but getting ready to move.  When we got upstairs, we were told that Gus had a tube feeding because he wouldn’t take a bottle, and that they were watching him.  Molly was able to come to my room with me.  It wasn’t long before Ed left, and the nurses came to say that Gus was breathing quickly and still would not feed, so he was going to the NICU.

I’m not going to use this post to talk about that whole (shitty) experience. I will be discussing it, but it needs its own post.

Anyway, the next morning came, and my catheter was removed, and eventually I had to pee which meant getting out of bed for the first time.  This was by far the worst part of the C-section process.  It hurt.  It hurt so bad.  Getting in and out of bed, sitting down, everything…it just hurt.  BUT! Sunday was better, and by Monday I was able to walk myself to the NICU instead of being wheeled, and by Tuesday when Molly and I went home, I felt sore but mostly normal, except for the post surgery swelling…OMG the swelling! My feet looked like bricks! I couldn’t even wear my shoes home.

The first 2 days at home were maybe made a little bit easier by only having one baby here, except for her only wanting to be on top of me.  I slept sitting up on the couch for a few nights, not unlike the last 6 months of my pregnancy. I’m thankful to have felt as good as I did, so that I was able to deal with Molly and drive myself to the hospital to spend time with Gus.  I think I will always remember that first drive, when the space behind the steering wheel of my van where there was no longer belly just felt so luxurious!

Luckily Gus was able to come home on Thursday, so we only spent 2 days without him, and everything has been smooth sailing (or as much as it can be with 2 newborns) ever since! The babies are 3 weeks old today, and it’s hard to even remember them not being here.  We are head over heels in love with them!

This morning was my 36 week appointment, even though I’m not officially 36 weeks along until Wednesday.  I met the new OB in the practice for just in case, and she was nice although her internal exam was the least comfortable thing I’ve felt in a long time.  I don’t think it was her though, more the fact that it’s been a very long time since anyone has poked around up there, AND that there is a very stubborn butt hanging out right on top of my cervix.  It wasn’t my idea of fun at all.

Next week is my last appointment.  The end of this week is March.  Within the next 2 weeks, FOURTEEN (14) DAYS there are going to be babies.  Panic is an understatement at this point.  a C-section is likely inevitable.  I’m not scared of the surgery itself, except for what if the spinal doesn’t take and I have to be put under, but more so I am freaked about the recovery. The incision, my God.  I don’t do well with pain killers; they make me sick.  I’m trying not to think about it, but the more I try, the more I actually do think about it.  Just reassure me that I’m not going to die on the table, ok?

I’ve had a pretty uneventful week.  I didn’t take any photos because honestly, I barely got dressed or left the house all week.  I wouldn’t say that I am necessarily depressed, I’m just done.  I can’t walk.  My ribs hurt.  My hips hurt.  My butt is sore from sitting on it, but I can’t lie down.  I feel genuinely bad for not enjoying the last few weeks of my very last pregnancy, but there is nothing to be enjoyed.

We finally got our family photos back last week, and I’m happy with the way they turned out.  Since we don’t have a 35 week photo here, let’s skip back to week 32! I do wish that Hannah would have been more cooperative, but I guess the photos show her true essence.

No matter what, three weeks from today there will be babies.  This isn’t to say that they won’t come sooner, but we are scheduled to deliver 3 weeks from today.  I don’t know, a 3 week timeline is sort of panic inducing especially given that they currently don’t have a place to sleep here.  3 weeks.  Three mother effing weeks.  These are numbers I cannot comprehend.

Last week’s sonogram revealed that Miss M has lodged her butt in to my pelvis and is still most definitely breech.  Gus is transverse, with his head resting on Molly’s little bum. It doesn’t seem as though anyone is going to move anytime soon, and so a C-section will be in my future, and even though I will get to avoid labor and Pitocin and all of those funsies, we are still talking about major abdominal surgery for which I am not overly thrilled.  Nope.  Not thrilled one single bit.

My anxiety in  general is sort of kicked in to high gear though, so don’t worry, I am not ONLY stressing about surgery.  Nope! Not at all! Why just the other day I grilled a friend of mine, as Cait was getting ready to spend the night there, on where her smoke and carbon monoxide detectors were.  I needed to know.  I’ve clearly lost my mind.

You probably would too at this point in the game though, right? Everything is large.  Everything hurts.  Our back room is stripped to the studs and who knows if it will be back together in time.  I’m starving all the time and eating constantly, but all of the eating makes me poop.  And pooping is not fun right now…not that it’s fun when you aren’t carrying 12 pounds of baby, but logistically, it’s just a nightmare. Hannah is stressed about the impending doom of babies and is more difficult than she has ever been, and trust me, she is difficult by nature.  My butt is sore from sitting on it all the time, yet when I try to turn in any way, babies get lodged under hips and ribs.

It’s hard not to feel like everything sucks at this point in time, hard not to feel like I am so done, can we just get this over with already, but at the same time if we get it over with, then what.  NO really, tell me…THEN WHAT. Then we have babies, and well, then I can start this little panic attack all over again.

Aaaaaanyway…

I’ve added quite a few photos to my Belly Shots in Random Bathrooms portfolio this week. One is even my naked belly which I have never ever done before, but at this point in the game, when I’ve given up on hair and makeup, I basically have no shame.  Besides, I will never have this chance again. The belly really is marvelous.  Here it is in all of its glory at Week 34: