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Category Archives: child spacing

Random List Post (on weight, diet, baby names, child spacing, you name it!) I’m everywhere today!!

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It so feels like Wednesday to me today. I don’t know why. I feel out of sorts. Maybe because I went to the gym this morning and I usually (by usually I mean last week) go MWF? I don’t know. In any case this will be a list post, because I really like lists, but also because I’m feeling a bit lazy.

1. Speaking of the gym, I’ve been going for a week and at least paying attention to what I eat, and I have lost one tiny pound. One. I wish there was some way to see immediate results. I wish I was the type of person who could do one of those crazy liquid diets. I wish that I could somehow get the lbs. to melt away. It doesn’t work that way though, huh.
2. Speaking of weight loss, I causally mentioned to Ed that I was going back on the pill because I don’t want an unplanned pregnancy to get in the way of my weight loss goals. (I have an appointment 11/9) He was actually kind of upset with me about it. He kind of thought we’d have another baby sooner than later. Well ok then. We disagree. I’m not canceling the appointment, but I will have a serious discussion with him before I start the pill. Who knew??
3. Eddie and Caitlyn were spitting last night. Their dinner, their beverages, just plain spit, you name it. They were out of control. At one point, I said to Eddie sternly “We do not spit in this house” and he said “Well can we spit in other peoples houses?” I had to walk away so he wouldn’t see me laughing.
4. I’m tired of my job and the shenanigans that go on. That’s all I have to say about that.
5. Caitlyn is on day 5 of being dry. She ran back and forth from the bathroom all last night saying that she needed to poop, but couldn’t get it out. She went in her pull-up right before bed and was actually upset about it. Today is a new day!!
6. Our local park is having an enchanted forest tonight and my FIL and I are taking the kids to walk through. I think they’ll enjoy it. Plus they get to try out their costumes before wearing them to school tomorrow.
7. Eddie still hates school in case you were wondering. He keeps asking for Ed to go with to drop him off, and I know it’s because Ed will stay and I will not. Ed can’t say no though, and usually follows us over. I kiss both kids goodbye and go. Ed has usually just left Eddie by the time my 20 minute commute to work ends. Now even at home, he wants to know where I am all the time—and says things like “Mommy, don’t leave me!!” when I put him to bed or am in the kitchen or something. I wish I knew what to do. I’m sure it’s not stay by his side for life, which is totally my inclination right now. I just feel like “my poor poor baby….” All of the time.
8. It’s supposed to be 70 degrees tomorrow for trick or teat—how awesome is that? I have to pick up crap for the kids to take to school tomorrow for their party and parade and now apparently for an impromptu Halloween party at work. I should have saved the pumpkin cookies (which are FRICKEN AWESOME!!) for tomorrow.
9. Did I happen to mention that we took all of the chocolate candy the kids got last Halloween and put it in the freezer? We have every intention of passing it out tomorrow night. Is that wrong in some way? It was all standard sealed chocolate; we didn’t save gummies or anything, so I think it should be fine. They weren’t going to eat it all.
10. I’d love to know what everyone is dressing their kids as for Halloween, or better yet, I’d like to see photos.
11. FINALLY!! I happened to hear a girls name on the radio this morning and immediately decided it was my new 2nd or 3rd favorite name for a girl. Do you want to hear it? No really, do you? It’s a name Ed would never go for, but I love it. Are you ready? It’s Sabina. I think it’s so pretty! Sabina. It makes me smile.


On Child Spacing (or having more children in general, and when)

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****Disclaimer**** This is written in the form of my train of thought which is a bit crazy, but I think it illustrates my point in the best possible way.

Before I had kids I always said that I wanted four, and I knew exactly how I was going to do it. I would have the first two close together, while I was in my early to mid 20’s, about 2.5 years apart. Ed and I were married when I was 23, and I was pregnant with Eddie soon after I turned 24, right on schedule. I was 25 when he was born. As it happened, Caitlyn came along when Eddie was just 19 months old, but it was close enough to “the plan” for me. I was 26 at the time.

Part two of the master plan involved having babies 3 and 4 in my early 30’s. Baby one and two would be safely off to kindergarten and beyond, eliminating previous childcare costs and it would be like starting over again. It would be perfect. Right?

Then Caitlyn turned 2 and my drive for baby making once again went in to overdrive. OVERDRIVE! But only some of the time. I go back and forth between 2 extremes…the first being MUST MAKE MORE BABIES!! NOW!!! and the other being I can never have any more children. EVER! Two is MORE THAN ENOUGH! I’m using caps to stress how strong the emotions are. And there’s never an in between—-I either want them or I don’t on any given day.

I want more kids more often than I don’t though.

I’ll be 29 in 2 weeks. (oh my gawd, TWENTY NINE, barf) All this does is focus me on the fact that soon I’ll be 30. (soon I’ll be 30, I don’t want to be 30……I’ve got some big plans could well have some big hands… [bonus points to anyone who gets that reference (besides my mother)]) {Am I a parentheses genius or what?—-no, I’m pretty annoying—-I digress} Part of me says “wait until after you are 30 to get pregnant because you can get trashed and forget you are turning 30 for like two weeks!” (Because that is responsible behavior) “Or take a vacation with your best friend to celebrate!” The other part says “probably being pregnant when you are 30 will be a terrific diversion to the fact that you are turning 30. THIRTY!!”

On a completely off the wall side note—I vividly remember my mother turning 30. She was given Oil of Olay, for her wrinkles, because she was old……30. I will knock anyone’s block off who gives me Oil of Olay.

In any case, I anticipate having baby #3 sooner than later. For one, we use no reliable and consistent birth control. The pill makes me feel like ass. And the desire to have another baby completely overwhelms me most of the time. But also, I don’t know. The thought of having these older kids who do their own thing and go to school while I spend all of my time with a baby makes me kind of sad. What if I neglect them because they really don’t need so much attention? The nice thing about having Eddie and Cait so close was that Eddie was so young he still needed a ton of attention. It forced me to be able to balance them and attend to both of their needs almost seamlessly. Maybe this is an irrational fear because I know that I thought I could never love Caitlyn like I love Eddie……and I don’t love them the same because they are totally different kids….but they do share my love equally….you know? Swistle seems to be doing a great job with the balancing of older and younger children, and she has 5 kids (FIVE KIDS) and that reassures me a bit.

In the end what will be, will be and I’m sure that I’ll have a different perspective on the situation once I’m in it. And maybe, just maybe, I need to be in the situation to put it in the right perspective. Until that time though, I’ll put up with the daily freak outs and questioning every aspect of what could possibly be as well as continue with the “third baby envy” of No Whey Mamaand Devan which has pretty much sent me over the edge.

I’ll also count my blessings though because I have to two most amazing and perfect kiddos in the world and if I never had another baby I’d still be the luckiest girl in the world.