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Category Archives: rambling

Catastrophizing (not a word)

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By nature, I am not someone who puts much stock in worrying about situations before there is a definite outcome in sight.  As a rule I don’t see the point in causing myself stress when it is anybody’s guess as to what will happen.  This frustrates people, namely my mother and my husband, who would prefer to hash out all possible scenarios of a particular situation and prepare to deal with all of them.  It probably comes off as being lackadaisical on my part, but really, I just tend to be careful about expending my emotional energy.

Knowing the above, you will understand that it was completely out of character for me to go in to full catastrophe mode yesterday when my OB merely suggested that a c-section could be in my future. Until I hashed a ton of it out on Twitter with Arwen, the only words that I heard over and over again were “Likely c-section.  Likely c-section.” They were on repeat, over and over again for the better part of the day. I have clarity now though, so let’s start at the beginning.

This was my first appointment with the actual OB during this pregnancy.  Until now, I’ve seen the NP each time.  NP is great.  Really, the 2 OBs and the NP in this practice are phenomenal.  They took me in with no questions asked about halfway through my last pregnancy after the practice of midwives I had used disbanded.  I have had nothing but fantastic care from them, and I credit their monitoring and really paying attention to my history with Hannah being my only baby who was not hypo-glycemic at birth and the only one who did not visit the NICU. While Eddie was only there for a short while, Cait’s birth and NICU stay scarred me, and scarred me horribly. They listened to my every concern and we came up with a plan together for a healthy birth and healthy baby Hannah, and it worked. But anyway…the NP doesn’t do most of the deliveries and may have led me on about having very good chances of a vaginal birth.

Ed came with me yesterday just on a whim, and of course was keen on discussing the delivery. OB wanted to anyway since she hadn’t seen me. She started off with “So, you know that if both are head down, you are good for vaginal.  Anything else, we usually do a c-section.” To which I replied “NP said if baby A was head down we are good to go.” This resulted in a long discussion.  And I am glad there was discussion even if I failed to remember most of it until the beating of the words probable c-section left my head last night.  So, here is what the OB said:

  • If I don’t go in to labor on my own, I will be induced or have a c-section at 38 weeks–March 13th ish, which is um…13 weeks away.
  • I have a proven pelvis and can likely handle a vaginal birth regardless of Baby B’s position.
  • I have a history having large babies.  If the twins get too large, it is entirely possible to have my uterus completely give out–regardless of my history, there is only so much stretching that can be done.
  • If she were placing bets, she would bet on my carrying the babies to 38 weeks.
  • I have a history of very fast births (Eddie, with pitocin: labor total 9 hours (4 hours was pushing out his giant 10lb head), Cait, no pitocin: labored for maybe 3 hours, and Hannah- full induction: labor lasted 5 hours) If I went in to labor on my own with these 2, the situation could go bad very quickly. Basically, once my water breaks, my babies come full force.
  • I should be prepared that no matter what kind of birth it is, it will not be warm and fuzzy, but rather monitored, chaotic, and will occur in the operating room with her, the hospital specialists and a team for each baby standing by.
  • Even if Baby A flies out with no problems, I could find myself having a c-section to get Baby B out, giving me 2 types of recovery to worry about.
  • Based on all of this, she is committed to playing it by ear and using the sonograms and the direction of the fetal specialists I see at the hospital for the scans to make an educated decision about what kind of birth I will have.
  • I want what is best and safest for the babies first, then what is best for me. She feels the same.

So that is where we stand.  Do I feel better about it all today than I did yesterday? I do.  I am not against scheduling induction as long as I have a say in the way it happens–that is how it worked with Hannah and it was fine.  I don’t particularly want to schedule a c-section.  I don’t want to recover from surgery while being responsible for 2 newborns.  I just don’t. BUT if their position or the state of my uterus or whatever warrants it, I will accept it.  I’m not saying that I won’t panic, but I will accept it.

For the next several weeks though, I’m going back to my usual M.O. I’m simply not going to worry about it, because worrying doesn’t matter.  The result will be what it will be regardless of my fretting.  The result needs to be healthy babies (and healthy me) regardless of how we get there.

SO! Brisk clap! I am done here! Whatever will be will be.

Another Non-Post

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1. It is 49 days until I am on vacation, and 52 days until I will be in The White Mountains of New Hampshire in a VERY well appointed hotel room for very little money ($89/night) due to it being EXACTLY one week before their peak fall foliage season begins.

2. And in 55 days we will be in Portland, Maine where I will consume lobster for breakfast, lunch, dinner and dessert (where available). We will spend time in another beautiful hotel for $55 a night because our good friend Melissa is the General Manger there….ooooh yeah.

3. My 5 year wedding anniversary is also in 55 days. Do you think that vacation is enough of a gift to each other? Or should I be considering a gift for Ed?

4. It’s going to be a beautiful, sunny weekend. We’re looking for something fun to do on Saturday. I’d like to go to the Toronto Zoo, but I don’t know if we feel like driving 1.5 hours. Ed has to work on Sunday, but the kids and I are going to Canal Fest (celebrate the Erie Canal!! WOOT!! WOOT!!) with my parents. [there’s actually a really cool craft show and festival]

5. Ed spent the day with my brother and some friends at Cedar Point yesterday. He was the only husband to bring a gift back for his wife (a huuuuuge coffee mug) . He also called me from the spot where he proposed and told me how much he missed me, and that it wasn’t the same without me. Brownie points for him.

6. He bought the kids hats too.

7. This girl at work constantly starts her sentences with “As well”. For example, “As well, we will be moving to a new format next week.” She drives me insane

8. Another girl constantly asks me, when I’m by myself, “How we doing?” I answer her with a smart-assed “We’re doing great, how are you guys” every single time and she just doesn’t get it.

Questions, Questions

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1. I need a good eye cream. The bags and circles under my eyes are unbearable. Does anyone have any suggestions? I’d like to look so young and vibrant that people would think I was the baby sitter rather than the tired, tired mommy.

2. As far as skin goes in general, mine really sucks right now. My complexion has gone down the toilet since I had Cait, and more so since I went off the pill. While the acne is a small price to pay for the absence of migraines and severe hormonal fluctuation and actually having a sex life (I often joked that the pill didn’t work by stopping me from ovulating, it just plain turned me off to doing it..), something really needs to be done here. I tried Proactiv, no go. I’ve been using this antibacterial face bar and that’s not working either. Has anyone found the secret to a beautiful complexion? This week I’m trying the “chocolate gives you zits” theory and I’m not eating any. Which sucks. And it’s only 2:00 PM on Monday. Please, tell me what to do oh wise women of the blogosphere.

3. I also need a diet that works if you have one. I can’t stomach (haha pun absolutely intended) the feeling of being hungry. I hate not eating bread. I hate limiting myself in general. I considered for a brief second trying that new Alli supplement….that is until I read that if you should by some chance over indulge in fatty foods, an oily substance will leak out of your A-hole. I even told myself that the prospect of a greasy rectum would be enough of a deterrent to not eat any fat at all. Then I took a long hard look at myself (that means I thought about my impulsive personality for about 2 seconds) and decided that unless I was committed to ruining pants and unders because they most definitely would have grease stains, this was probably not a good idea. (BUT IT’S FDA APPROVED!!!) So anyway, if anyone has a plan that meets the criteria of being able to consume bread, never being hungry, and few limits in general, plus the absence of oily anus, I would sure love to hear about it.

**On a side note, I was quite proud of myself for only having a salad for lunch, with grilled chicken as opposed to crispy chicken. That is until I discovered that the dressing alone had 200 calories in it. Why can’t everything just be easy?!?!?! (ok, I just checked and the salad itself was 90 calories and the chicken was 120, so a 440 calorie lunch…not too bad I guess. All I had for breakfast was reduced sugar oatmeal and black coffee—90 calories)

4. I need to know why my button and zipper on these capris is on the wrong side. Like, the button is on the left. I posed this question to my co-workers. Someone thought that maybe they were actually MAN-pris, or capris for men, but I assured her they were women’s. Then I was asked if maybe I bought them in Canada…apparently Canada has some backward zipper policy that I am unaware of. In any case, I didn’t cross the border to get some capris. I bought them right here, at JC Penny in the “misses” section.

5. Why oh why oh why do men insist on showing their feet off in their “mandals”. I hate feet in general, but man feet are the worst. I beg all men to please keep their feet sheathed in their socks.