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The babies celebrated their half birthday this past weekend, and by celebrate, I mean that we did nothing, but still.  They are six months old and that is half a year, and please time, just slow down, ok? Ok.

We’re getting in to my favorite time of baby times here.  Between 6 and 18 months…man I just love it.  They learn so much every single day.  It really blows my mind. You can just see them taking everything in and processing and really starting to understand the world around them.  I think that’s just aces.

Not much happened this month in the realm of milestones.  Molly is now rolling both ways when she wants to, but really doesn’t want to be bothered.  Gus vocalizes a whole lot, mostly bababa, dadadada and a bunch of ah-dee, which has Eddie convinced that he is speaking his name.  Mol is still more of a squealer and a bubble blower and doesn’t do a whole lot of actual babbling.  We’ve done nothing else with solids, because well, I’m lazy and I don’t feel like spoon feeding 2 babies.  Our 6 month checkup is tomorrow though, so that may change.

Month 6 Happenings:

• Molly began to roll both ways
• Gus is a babbler
• Both babies are moving in to size 6-9 month clothes–Molly more so
• We were very busy, taking in many sights while enjoying the end of summer.  We went to the county fair, some parks, Cedar Point, and to play mini golf.
• The babies went swimming for the first time.
• Gus has decided that both naps, and sleeping all night, is stuff for babies. He will however accept sleeping snuggled up with mom and dad in bed.
• Molly has decided that life is not worth living unless she can stand up, and wants to be upright pretty much any time she is awake.  It’s as fun for us as it sounds.

Month 6 Photo Dump (the last 6 photos are from my failed attempt at getting them together for their 6 month photo):

I took the whole day off of work so Ed and I could have a day date before my sonogram.  I’d been feeling so crappy but my Unisom/B6 combo was starting to help a little bit, so I was excited to have some time with Ed.  We dropped the kids at camp had breakfast at our favorite coffee shop and went to the mall to see a movie.  Ed grumbled because I’d insisted on taking the first appointment that the imaging place had available, so we wouldn’t have time to get lunch after the movie.  It was just a dating sonogram after all, nothing different than before.

I’d joked with Ed in the days leading up to the appointment that surely I was having twins because my symptoms were so extreme.  In the back of my mind, I knew something was different–maybe it was that I was older, or heavier or some unknown factor but I just KNEW. We joked about it here in fact, and on Twitter.  Twins!  Hahahahahaa!

Ha.

As long as I live I will never forget lying on the table, and watching the tech start her scan.  She’d left Ed in the waiting room to get some initial measurements before bringing him back for the fun. I was no stranger to any of this, of course.  She felt my belly and determined that my uterus felt big enough that she should be able to see the baby without an internal sonogram. She angled me away from the table so that I had to strain my head to see.  And hooo boy, I saw.  Two distinct areas where I knew from experience there should only be one.  My heart started racing. She did some things quickly–I would assume that she checked for 2 heartbeats, and abruptly turned the monitor off, announcing that she was going to go and get my husband and leaving me alone in the dimly lit room.

The very second that she came back and shut the door behind Ed, she leaned against it casually and said “soooo…you guys are having twins!”. Ed was sure that I had put her up to it; that it was a joke. I…well, I burst in to tears.  I may have exclaimed “shit!” over and over again. I am surprised that I didn’t have a heart attack.  She let me pee, finished the ultrasound and handed us a stack of pictures labeled “A” and “B” on the way out.

Shock was an understatement in describing how I felt.  We left the appointment and went shopping.  A beaming Ed told everyone there that we were having twins.  We went to Mighty Taco.  A beaming Ed told everyone there that we were having twins. I came home and posted this.  We picked the kids up from camp. A beaming Ed told everyone there that we were having twins. We went to his Rotary picnic.  Again, a beaming Ed told everyone there that we were having twins. Through all of this I was numb.  I was a deer in headlights.  I hissed at Ed to just Shut! Up! more than once. I excused myself from the party several times to tweet frantically.  I am reasonably sure that I did not blink for at least 24 hours. I wanted to take to my bed and just process it all.

It wasn’t long before I came to terms with it, obviously. I mean, it’s still shocking on some level.  I still have days, 5.5 months after their birth, where I can’t believe that there are 2 of them.  I will make mention of “the twins” and immediately think “Holy SHIT we have twins!”.

BUT! For all the fear of the unknown and wondering exactly how we were going to do this whole two infants thing, I don’t think I would change any of it.  They are supposed to be here.  It’s kind of like they’ve always been here.

One year ago we found out that we were having twins. Today, those twins are five months old and are an absolute delight to everyone they meet. One year from now they will be 17 months old and walking, talking tiny people.

One year since our lives changed forever and I would never ever go back.  We thought we were one kid short of our complete family, and it turns out that we were actually missing two.

We’re all here now.

Five, you guys.  And these babies.  My goodness they are something.  You would think that for how in awe of them I am that I had never done this before, and I guess I never have times 2, but you get the picture.  I’ve had babies.  I know what they do.  I know what yo expect.  AND YET.

They really are the very best babies around.  So interactive.  So loving.  So…just…them. This isn’t to say that things are never hard, because oh, things are hard here on the reg.  Take for example The Great Nap Boycott, that lasted pretty much all month.  Or the horrible time that is the 2 hours between getting home from daycare and bedtime.  OR THE 5 HOUR DRIVE HOME FROM VACATION THAT TOOK US 9 HOURS BECAUSE HOLEEEE SHIT UNHAPPY BABIES. The good certainly outweighs the bad though.

For the first time since they were born, Gus has achieved a milestone before his sister.  He is rolling in both directions.  He started going from his back to his belly a couple of weeks ago, and then more recently figured out how to go the other way.  He can spin himself and scootch to where he wants to go too, which is kind of frightening.  Molly is still content to just lie on the floor and put her feet on anyone and anything who will let her.  She loves to touch with her toes.  The babies are both super grabby now, and love to hold on to toys.  Gus is particularly fond of holding and chewing a burp cloth while Molly likes this soft teething toy I got on clearance at Target.  Both babies have pretty much given up the binky.

Speaking of teething, we’ve seen some teething behavior from them both over the last week or so.  Red gums, mouth punching, maybe a little bit more irritability. Molly definitely has some bumps under her gums.  The symptoms come and go though, so I’m not holding my breath for there to be teeth anytime soon.  We’ve had a wide timeline with the other kids getting teeth (Hannah 5ish months, Eddie 7months, Caitlyn 11 months) so we’ll just wait and see.

The babies got to come with the other kids and me to Hannah’s doctor’s appointment at the end of July and the ped suggested introducing some solids since they are such meaty babies.  I was planning on waiting because (1) They were premies so were really only 4mos adjusted and (2) I really just didn’t want to deal with spoon feeding 2 babies.  Ed was really excited about it though, so we started some oatmeal and they like it ok.  I’ve given it to them before bed and it’s sort of a crapshoot as to whether they will be happy enough to eat it.  They’ve really only had it a handful of times and I’m not eager at this point to ramp it up or be any more consistent with it.  I guess we will see what the next months brings, especially when the big kids go back to school and our schedule settles a bit.

Month 5 Happenings:

• 1st Fourth of July! Gus wore earmuffs and did great!
• We stopped breastfeeding for good
• Gussy started rolling both ways
• We took our first vacation as a family of 7, which even including having the babies share a bed for a couple of nights was pretty good.  Until the ride home.
• We enjoyed (HA) the 4 month sleep regression, otherwise known as BABIES! WHY YOU NO NAP ANYMORE?
• Babies started making some consonant sounds (Molly says mmmm and ma Gus says babababa, dadadada and niii) It seems like they will be chatty early like their brother and sisters before them
• Ridiculous shrieks of joy
• Full on belly giggles
• Molly blowing bubbles All. The Time.
• Babies seem to seek each other out and enjoy yapping and grinning at each other
• Gussy is a roller!
• Tried oatmeal (and whipped cream…thanks Daddy)
• Cannot sit on our laps at dinner anymore, as they steal all of our food

Month 5 Photo Dump:

I don’t know why I feel like I owe it to The Internet to make an announcement about the status of my breasts and whether or not my babies continue to use them, but here we are.  It’s really more so that I can remember it when I am beating myself up about it later. Here is the truth.

I breastfed for the last time (ever) over the 4th of July weekend.  The situation had become so incredibly frustrating for all 3 of us that when coupled with my lack of output when pumping, it was unreasonable to continue.

We started supplementing with formula somewhere in the second month when my supply was decreasing and even with around the clock nursing and pumping for weeks it was obvious that the babies were starving.  This was 100% in line with every one of my other postpartum periods.  And speaking of periods, I got mine (and it was bad) and we saw my supply dip further.  At this point I tried fenugreek and steel cut oats and mother’s milk tea. None made a huge difference (except for the tea giving me hives) but did help to keep my supply stable…until I got mastitis.  My left breast, which had previously been my strong over-producer was clogged to the point of next to nothing coming out for a good week.  Although I nursed both babies on both sides during that whole ordeal, we never recovered.

From there we moved to a schedule where I was able to nurse the babies in the morning, once midday and before bed.  Pumping in between yielded maybe an ounce or 2 of milk in total–and that was on a good day.  Typically, I got half an ounce (ish) from one side and an ounce from the other.  It was a lot of time and effort spent for such little output.  This isn’t to say that I don’t think my babies are worth that time or effort but when you have twins, plus 3 other kids whose daily lives require managing, the extra time for pumping just didn’t exist.

My supply dropped further after going back to work–this is what happened every other time for me as well, so I expected it–and I had to begin supplementing the babies after each nursing session. They’d gotten quite grabby and squirmy as well, so a feeding session of nursing one, then the other and topping off with bottles could take up to 90 minutes. When they began fussing and screaming at the breast (often leaving me sobbing too), obviously put out by having to do so much work for so little reward, I made the decision to end it once and for all.

I owed it to my babies to try. I am proud for making it over 4 months. I’m glad I have pictures of them nursing.  I’m glad that I actually do have a small freezer stash from the early days when things went so well. Thanks to the stigma associated with formula feeding, I often feel guilty anyway. Knowing that these are my last babies, I do wish that it would have worked out to be doable longer, that I could have “cherished the moments”, but it wasn’t meant to be.  And I am (mostly) ok.

Friday started off well enough.  The big kids went to camp. and the babies stayed with me because they had their 4month check-up in the afternoon. Ed was to take over with them after the doctor so I could work. And then it started to rain. And it rained and then rained some more. We were lucky here, the creeks rose and it was most definitely wet, but we had no flooding.  The towns north of us weren’t as lucky.

I suppose it was luck that my internet wouldn’t connect when we got home from the doctor because Ed had to go out to prep for the flood work that he was surely going to get because of the rain, and Shot Babies were not going to be very good co-workers.  Ed picked the big kids up and was gone by 6. The babies lost their minds by about 7 and were inconsolable for a good hour (until I remembered to give them some Tylenol…because I am a rookie) until I put them to bed. The big kids were hell beasts.  I was not in a good place.

Saturday morning came, Ed was back out working and I was dreading it.  I was beyond dreading it. The kids had chores and I lazed around with the babies and everything was good until just after lunch.  I decided that if we stayed in the house for one more minute, I was going to lose my damn mind and made a quick decision to get the hell out of here.  Quick bottles were made, and I threw the babies and the kids in the car and we went to the park. On the way there I told the kids they could play, but that we were also going for a nice walk while we were there. And they all agreed. I don’t know if they sensed that I was on the edge or what.

We ended up having a really nice afternoon. I got to walk off some frustration.  The kids worked off some energy. It was a good decision. The kids skipped rocks in the creek and climbed all over the playground. We ended the afternoon with ice cream and when we got home, all 5 snuggled on the couch while I cycled laundry.

Sunday, Ed and I had plans to meet our PTA board out for breakfast. I had planned on getting a hair cut on the way home while my parents were still with the kids, but Ed had to leave breakfast early because of work and I had to get a ride home. Instead, I brought all of them with me and Cait and I both got our hairs did. From there? We went to the zoo, because why not?

Our zoo is teeny, and is kind of pricey for what you get, so it helped when on the way in, a woman who was leaving handed me a free pass for adult admission, a free parking coupon and a free train ride. They were expiring that day and she couldn’t use them. Ed is always doing stuff like that, so it was nice to be on the receiving end of things, and even nicer to get in for just the cost of the big kids.

With the exception of the snack bar deciding to shut its grills down 2 hours before closing time, the kids had a really nice time.  Everyone was tired and hungry on the way out but promising McDonald’s helped a lot. And we got to see one of the new polar bear cubs, so that made the trip worth it. For me anyway.  Hannah was excited to ride the train and play on the big jungle gym. Eddie and Caitlyn were too big for that, so they climbed trees instead.

So! Instead of sitting home and being miserable, I embraced my lone wolf status. By the time Ed got home last night, I was beyond exhausted but it was the good kind of exhausted. I wouldn’t necessarily look forward to doing it all again soon, but it wasn’t so bad.

• I am finishing up my first week back at work. It wasn’t nearly as stressful as I thought it wold be. The babies were a little bit fussy with adjusting to their new schedule, but it was mostly smooth sailing.  And even though I miss them, it is really nice to sit alone in my office and drink an entire cup of coffee while it is still hot.
• The kids are chomping at the bit for summer vacation.  3 half days next week and they are done. I have no idea how I am going to handle having 5 kids home. Thank goodness for summer camp, I guess.
• We put our garden in a few weeks ago, and for the first time, I neglected to take any pictures.  We’ve had so much rain that I’ve hardly had to do anything.  I have some slug be gone or something like that coming today because something is chewing my leaves, but other than that, I think it’s going well. Gardening is my favorite; I can’t wait until things start to grow!
• We have 8 pacifiers in rotation here. This seems so ridiculous to me.
• I am on day 5 of a gluten and dairy free diet.  I’ve eaten more fruits and veggies this week than I have in a really long time.  I feel generally good, if not a little bit hungry. My biggest struggle, as always, is remembering to drink enough water.
• We booked our shelter for the girls’ birthday party this summer. Part of me thinks I am insane for throwing a huge family picnic with these tiny babies around.
• We’re also doing a mini vacation to Hershey, PA in July. The kids are beyond excited.  I am mostly excited, except for the whole 7 people in a hotel room situation.

The babies turned 3 months old last Saturday.  I went back to work today. Can someone please tell me how this is possible? On any given day, if you ask me what month it is, I am certain that it is still March.  And yet, it is June.  These babies are growing up.

As much as I thought they had little personalities in the previous months, they are more apparent now.  Molly will fuss and cry at the drop of a hat, but…BUT she also smiles so easily. Gus is still very chill.  He doesn’t fuss.  He takes everything in and is kind of cautious with his smiles. You can see him really considering things before he smiles.  I can easily see Mol barreling through the world with Gussy content to follow.

In any case, they are both super sweet.

The third month with them was a good one.  They are consistently sleeping through the night.  They don’t nap very well but I think that will come with the introduction of an actual routine, with me back at work.  I think what surprises me the most is how tied they are to their schedule.  Not that we have a day long regiment, but man…if they are not in bed between 8:30 and 9, they lose their collective shit.  They need to be fed, burped and wrapped by 9 at the latest. We usually give them their bottles around 7/7:30 and then I nurse them just before we wrap and put them down. Those swaddling blankets, man.  They are a miracle. I am Team Swaddle til College for sure.

Nursing the twins is not going as well as I would like.  I’ve always sort of struggled with my supply anyway, and this time is no different.  I know your body is supposed to adjust and yadda yadda, but mine does not.  So, I do the best I can.  They nurse 3 times a day and have formula the rest of the time, and I am ok with that.  My supply always takes a dive when I go back to work as well, but I’m hoping that it will actually be the opposite, since I am home and can pump without worrying about booking a conference room that locks.

In the third month, the babies went from just lying around like blobs to really taking in their surroundings.  They notice when I walk in the room. Molly really notices when I pick Gussy up instead of her.  They both settle when I put their bibs on because they know the bottle is coming.

We seem to finally have Molly’s reflux in check.  Prevacid twice a day is working way better than the Zantac. Prevacid has no flavor, whereas the Zantac was minty, so she sucks it right out of an extra nipple with no problem.

Month 3 Happenings:

• We started cloth diapers
• The babies spent some time in the Bumbo seats
• They outgrew size 1 disposables, and most of their 0-3 month clothes
• They are starting to enjoy floor time a bit more
• They hate tummy time…HATE
• They spent time at their first back yard camp fire

Month 3 Photos:

It’s been all pregnancy and all baby up in here for way too long, and I’ve had some thoughts recently, but none of them worthy of their own post necessarily, so, perfect time for a Free for All.

• I have very strong opinions about children wearing flip flops.  In that I don’t think they should wear them.  Ever.  There is no ankle support.  They are not meant to be run in. They are an accident waiting to happen.  Do I buy them for my kids every year anyway?  I do, for the pool and the beach, but damn if I don’t have to monitor the shit out of them to make sure the kids aren’t wearing them to play.  I know.  I’m crazy.  Also? You will pry my own flip flops out of my cold dead hands.
• After being in the program for 5 years, Eddie will be testing for his Tae Kwon Do black belt at the end of July. I am beyond proud of his achievement even though I am put out by driving him in to the city 2 days a week for the prep classes.  I HATE city driving, and though I’ve become more comfortable with the route, any small issue sends my anxiety through the roof.  Driving home in the pouring rain yesterday sent me in to full blown panic mode.  The things we do for our kids, I guess.
• Ed has been working a lot, in addition to being involved in several activities, leaving me lone wolf more than I would like.  Parenting 5 kids alone is hard work.  I’m pretty sure they can smell my weakness too.  The older ones, anyway.  The babies are tiny tyrants regardless of who is here.  I’m tired.
• I go back to work a week from Monday and we’ve finally worked out baby care.  2 days at daycare, 2 days with my mom, and 1 day split between Ed and me (depending on my meeting schedule). I’m ready to go back.  I’m ready to lock myself in my office for 8 hours a day and only have to worry about myself. This will change once I’m actually doing it, I am sure.  I will miss the babies.
• I am terrified of summer vacation and having all 5 kids home.  TUUURRRIFIIIIED.  Summer camp plans need to be made.
• I wrote this post while the babies were sleeping and thought I would still have time for a shower when I was done.  Rookie mistake.

At lunch time on March 1st, I was on the couch, talking to the admin at the kids’ school about an upcoming event, and casually texting my cousin about whether or not she should get her daughter’s ears pierced when I adjusted my enormous body and felt a gush.  For a few minutes, I didn’t think anything of it; I was sure I had just peed.  Let’s face it–all of the pressure was making it happen more and more, so why wouldn’t it start to happen when I was just sitting around minding my own business? But then I got to thinking…was there a pop? Maybe. Did it feel like maybe my pad wasn’t handling the amount of liquid? And oh yeah, didn’t I lose my mucous plug the night before?  This is when I took to Twitter, asking “Is it safe to say that you would know the difference between peeing your pants and your water breaking? Um…asking for a friend”. This was before I bugged my husband who was in a chamber of commerce luncheon with senators and congress people. That’s right, Twitter knew first!

I sat for a bit and then stood up.  I got Hannah some lunch.  I texted Shelly 150 times. And gush.  And gush again.  And so I called Ed.  He did not answer.  I texted him to call me and responded to his everything ok text with “I think my water broke…but I’m ok.” Then he called me, and booked it out of his luncheon. I told him I was going to take a shower, and not to rush but of course he did and was home before I was out of the shower, had childcare arranged for the big kids, and had his aunt on the way to the hospital to meet us to grab Han. I still took my time, and even though I kept gushing I thought maybe, just maybe this is some sort of weird bladder problem.  There was a whole ton of baby in there, you know.

Anyway, we finally got out of the house, and as Ed hit the thruway speeding I told him to relax. This was not an emergency. We probably weren’t even having the babies today! Hahahaa.  Oh, ha.

We got to the hospital, and got Hannah situated in Aunt G’s car and I insisted on walking in to labor and delivery, and managed to soak all the way through my pants on the way in, so that was nice.  There was paperwork, and then we were put in a combined triage/recovery room because there were no labor and delivery rooms available. I changed in to a gown, splatted more water all over the floor, and did not need a litmus test to determine that my water had in fact broken. We were there to stay.

I was ok for a while.  An IV was started and the blood pressure monitoring. My doctor was still a ways away. We had a sonogram to make sure the babies were still breech…and they were, so it was C-section ahoy. I was ok at the time.  Really I was.  Scared out of my mind, but ok. That is until the girl wheeled in to recovery next to me was screaming in pain because her spinal hadn’t taken, so she was put under for the delivery and didn’t have time for any pain meds.  And the one across from me had been put under for her delivery too.  This was when I started to cry hysterically.  I didn’t want to have surgery.  Not at all.  Could I go home? Could I change my mind? (No.) I got it together though, and met the anesthesiologist and talked through the plan.  No narcotics if we could help it. He would be with me through everything. Tell him if I felt sick. He was very comforting (and not the one who couldn’t get the spinals to work on those other girls.

There was only one OR open in labor and delivery, so we were told that it could be a while, but then based on the number of women who were currently delivering and not wanted to have a build-up of ladies waiting for sections I was told I was up next. I was prepped for surgery with a shave (if anyone ever asks me what to do before a section, I will suggest a good wax, because the nurse butchered me), a catheter and tons of iv fluids.  Before I knew it, I was being rolled in to the OR and Ed was left to put on his scrubs.

The OR was just like it looks on TV.  Cold, sterile and there were tools and different groups of doctors all over the place.  I moved from my roller bed to the table, and we got right to work on the spinal. It didn’t feel too much different from an epidural going in, until it felt like he hit a nerve in my leg.  Apparently, that’s what he was going for though as he asked where exactly I felt it.  One more jab, and everything went warm and then numb.  My whole body feeling asleep up to my armpits was by far the weirdest thing I had ever felt.

A large curtain was put up, and I was flat on my back. I could only see the ceiling, Ed to my left and the anesthesiologist to my right. I felt nothing when the dr. did the practice cut, except for immediately sick, so the meds in my IV were adjusted.  Before we knew it, the surgery was underway.

Molly, who was low in my belly, came out like a breeze.  I didn’t even feel the tugging and shifting everyone had warned me about. She was born at 5:07 PM and the dr. peeked her tiny head at me around the corner before taking her to get cleaned up.  She screamed her fool head off the whole time.  Angus was a different story.  I could feel them trying to maneuver him out, but he was wedged so high up under my ribs, they were having a hard time. It took a lot of manipulation, leaving his poor feet and legs black and blue, but he was out at 5:11PM. Again, the doctor peeked his head around the curtain and he was taken to be assessed.

I don’t remember much of what happened as they finished cleaning me out and stitching me up. Ed was back and forth between the babies and me. The anesthesiologist told me stories of his own twins, talked about my irregular heartbeat, and my thyroid. I felt like I was in and out of it, and everything was kind of surreal.  Soon enough though, it was over and I was being moved back to my rolling bed.  That is the one thing I remember feeling–half my body was asleep and I was told to rock it back and forth so they could get me back in to it.  I felt all of my insides shift, but couldn’t feel the outside of my body.  It was…weird.

Anyway, back in recovery, they brought the babies in, and I was finally able to hold them.  I was lying flat so it was hard, but first one at a time, and then with Ed’s help, together.  Soon, I was able to be propped up, and was able to nurse Molly. When she was done, she was taken up to the nursery to be assessed, and we tried with Gus.  He wouldn’t latch, as hard as we tried.  He cried and cried and would settle for a minute or 2, and then would cry some more. Eventually, they took him to the nursery as well.

I spent several hours in recovery waiting for a room.  Ed left for a bit to make sure the big kids were situated.  He got back after 10PM and I was still in recovery, but getting ready to move.  When we got upstairs, we were told that Gus had a tube feeding because he wouldn’t take a bottle, and that they were watching him.  Molly was able to come to my room with me.  It wasn’t long before Ed left, and the nurses came to say that Gus was breathing quickly and still would not feed, so he was going to the NICU.

I’m not going to use this post to talk about that whole (shitty) experience. I will be discussing it, but it needs its own post.

Anyway, the next morning came, and my catheter was removed, and eventually I had to pee which meant getting out of bed for the first time.  This was by far the worst part of the C-section process.  It hurt.  It hurt so bad.  Getting in and out of bed, sitting down, everything…it just hurt.  BUT! Sunday was better, and by Monday I was able to walk myself to the NICU instead of being wheeled, and by Tuesday when Molly and I went home, I felt sore but mostly normal, except for the post surgery swelling…OMG the swelling! My feet looked like bricks! I couldn’t even wear my shoes home.

The first 2 days at home were maybe made a little bit easier by only having one baby here, except for her only wanting to be on top of me.  I slept sitting up on the couch for a few nights, not unlike the last 6 months of my pregnancy. I’m thankful to have felt as good as I did, so that I was able to deal with Molly and drive myself to the hospital to spend time with Gus.  I think I will always remember that first drive, when the space behind the steering wheel of my van where there was no longer belly just felt so luxurious!

Luckily Gus was able to come home on Thursday, so we only spent 2 days without him, and everything has been smooth sailing (or as much as it can be with 2 newborns) ever since! The babies are 3 weeks old today, and it’s hard to even remember them not being here.  We are head over heels in love with them!

This morning was my 36 week appointment, even though I’m not officially 36 weeks along until Wednesday.  I met the new OB in the practice for just in case, and she was nice although her internal exam was the least comfortable thing I’ve felt in a long time.  I don’t think it was her though, more the fact that it’s been a very long time since anyone has poked around up there, AND that there is a very stubborn butt hanging out right on top of my cervix.  It wasn’t my idea of fun at all.

Next week is my last appointment.  The end of this week is March.  Within the next 2 weeks, FOURTEEN (14) DAYS there are going to be babies.  Panic is an understatement at this point.  a C-section is likely inevitable.  I’m not scared of the surgery itself, except for what if the spinal doesn’t take and I have to be put under, but more so I am freaked about the recovery. The incision, my God.  I don’t do well with pain killers; they make me sick.  I’m trying not to think about it, but the more I try, the more I actually do think about it.  Just reassure me that I’m not going to die on the table, ok?

I’ve had a pretty uneventful week.  I didn’t take any photos because honestly, I barely got dressed or left the house all week.  I wouldn’t say that I am necessarily depressed, I’m just done.  I can’t walk.  My ribs hurt.  My hips hurt.  My butt is sore from sitting on it, but I can’t lie down.  I feel genuinely bad for not enjoying the last few weeks of my very last pregnancy, but there is nothing to be enjoyed.

We finally got our family photos back last week, and I’m happy with the way they turned out.  Since we don’t have a 35 week photo here, let’s skip back to week 32! I do wish that Hannah would have been more cooperative, but I guess the photos show her true essence.