Incubation Nation

Ok, so seriously, I am exhausted. 3 nights ago, Liv slept through the whole night with nary a peep. 2 nights ago she was up screaming at the top of her lungs every.fifteen.minutes until I finally brought her out on the couch with me. Last night it was every few hours and she ended up in bed with us. I have been up since 3am. When will this ever end?

I am starting to believe that as long as she is under our roof, she will never sleep, never stop with the incessant screeching, and will never be off the bottle. This girl. She is destroying my will to live.

It helps some to read Sundry who has the same sort of issues going on at her house. The difference is that our house is very very small. And to let her scream, when the other children have school in the morning, well, that is just not going to happen. So I go to her in the middle of the night, and I calm her. Change her diaper. Get her the bottle she asks for. Pick up her teetee (her blanket) for the 100-millionth time. And I deal with it.

But damn if it isn’t wearing me thin.

The lack of sleep has made me very crabby, and it took every ounce of self control I had to not punch this lady at the portrait studio the other day. I arrived with the children 20 minutes before our scheduled appointment. The lady from the previous appointment was selecting her photos. I got checked in, and took the kids for a walk in the store and picked up a few things that we needed. We came back right at 4:30, and Lady was still picking her photos. She continued to select them, sheet by sheet, until 4:50. So at the very least, she had spent 40 minutes picking out photos. While I waited with 3 children who were getting more and more antsy by the second. I partly blame the studio, because they took over 100 shots [there was an outfit change involved (in my short session alone, they took 45 shots)] but really, this bitch just had no regard for any of us. I was livid!!! And when she left, she made no apologies, just breezed on out of there, her pocket $129 lighter (thank you very much) and just left. I mean GOD!

The only reason we were at this particular studio was because I bought a $10 package while out shopping a few weeks ago, and it was a ridiculous amount of photos for not a lot of money. I realized that they would try and suck me in to buying more photos. I bought not one other photo. I can not get past this. Everything aside though, the photos turned out very well—and I give anyone kudos who can get 3 kids to smile and look at the camera all at the same time. I think I am kind of done with studios though. I’d like to find a nice private photographer.

And speaking of photos, we got Bud’s school photos back last week, and when I opened them, my breath actually caught in my throat. Then I immediately burst in to tears. I know; lame. But there was this KID staring at me! Not my baby boy; a KID!! So yeah, I cried over how fast the time has gone by, and how before I know it I’ll be opening his senior portrait package (yes, I know he’s in kindergarten).

Anyway…look at my KID!

It was the coldest Halloween we’ve had in years, but it went off (pretty much) without a hitch. Lucy was crabby that she had to wear pants under her Tinkerbell costume, (but felt better wearing her rain boots and winter hat that is covered in peace signs). Bud, who was recovering from H1N1, tired quickly. I dug out an old costume for my niece, Sam, whose did not have one. And Liv? Well, she was the happiest baby in town! Maybe it’s a fluke, but her surgery has really seemed tom make a difference. Just look at that face!!

We got a ton of candy, and the kids had a fantastic time. Liv was thrilled to be part of what the big kids were doing, until she tripped on her dress and smashed her nose in to someone’s porch. We saw many of Bud’s school friends, who were thrilled that he was out and feeling better. Lucy took inventory of all of her candy, which was crazy funny. After every house she said “Mama, look! I got some M&M’s!” and so on. And like I said, Bud tired quickly, but he was a good sport. Hub and I had a great time following behind him because his costume, which was the same he wore last year (his choice) was a bit tight, especially with the sweats I made him wear underneath for warmth. His pants bell bottomed out a bit at the bottom. Hub kept making comments like “Abba called, they want their outfit back”.

I was happy to be out with my kiddos. And to be wearing my new Ugg boots. (that shipped from China, but that is a story for another day)

Does this work? The baby had tubes put in her ears this morning and she did great. She is being her regular old self.

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

I am having a major PMS-fueled salt crisis. I just thought you should know that. I’m back at work today after a week off, and as always, it feels like I never left. My vacation was ok. Hub and I got a lot of work done in the basement and I think I am finally ready to begin listing clothes on Ebay. Of course, getting rid of anything child related gives me the major nervous tummy. I feel like as soon as everything is gone, I will miraculously get pregnant. Time will only tell, I suppose.

In unrelated news, I took my very first “dud” pregnancy test last week. I’ve never had one completely not register. And then I didn’t have to pee anymore, so we had to wait until the next day to do it again, and holy crap what a lot of mother effing stress. The result was negative and I pretty much knew that it would be but my cycle was crazy last month, I am assuming because of the pneumonia and antibiotics and all of that crap and even though I had a (very very short and light) period, I still felt really off. And well, I did not want to go off on my weekend getaway with the Hub and drink myself in to a stupor enjoy some wine if there was any question in my mind, you know? So I tested and it was negative. And there is no baby to speak of—although I had a dream that I was pregnant with my fourth child and shopping and talking to a friend the day before my induction date. And aren’t those the weirdest dreams? Where you wake up feeling like it was so real, but you know that it wasn’t? I don’t know. I hate it when my head and my hormones fuck with me.

So anyway, Wednesday was my 28th 29th 30th 31st birthday and we didn’t really do much of anything. Hub, FIL and I went to The Olive Garden for lunch, and then we had chocolate cake after the kids had dinner. I was proclaimed “the best mom EVER” because I asked for chocolate cake with chocolate frosting. This is what you do as a mom—order the damn chocolate chocolate when you would really prefer white and buttercream. Whatever. It’s cake.

So my parents took the kids on Friday night so Hub and I could do our whole overnight thing, and it was good. We stayed here and had a fantastic dinner and overnight stay. I think that maybe I would like to die and be buried in their Jacuzzi tub. It was nice. Dinner was fantastic! And when they brought out the coffee with dessert, it came with a tray of chocolate shavings and real whipped cream, and heavy cream for stirring in to the coffee. That could have been my dessert right there, man. It was awesome.

I only realized the following evening that it was the first night I ever spent away from Liv, and I promptly burst in to tears. I know. Talk about crazy. I mean, we were home already. I’d spent the whole day with her. But for whatever reason, it hit me kind of hard.

Well I have rambled enough for one day. Plus I need to lick the salt off of the inside of this Chex Mix bag.

I was sure that I would have photos from our weekend downloaded by now, but I don’t. This pneumonia is still kicking my ass something fierce. By the time I have worked and picked up the children and have taken care of baths and homework, I am completely wiped. We are going on 3 weeks now, and while I do feel a bit better, I definitely don’t feel normal. Thankfully, I have a vacation next week, and hopefully I will be able to rest up and finally feel better.

This was a sort of unplanned vacation. I was on vacation in July when MIL passed away, and was able to convert those days to bereavement, thereby giving me a few days back. The week of Columbus Day seemed as good a time as any—because of the holiday, I only have to use 4 days, AND Wednesday just happens to be my birthday. So, a vacation I will take. We aren’t going anywhere, and I actually signed Bud up for camp on the holiday so that all 3 kids will be out of the house and Hub and I can finally catch up on housework and some general organization. Bud has school the rest of the week, and the girls will follow their normal grandma’s/daycare routine.

I originally had plans for Friday, which is the girls’ normal day home with Hub, to meet up with a friend and her 2 girls, but my husband made other plans for us. It was funny because I had just been checking out this new boutique hotel and restaurant online, and called him to drop a hint about the dinner for 2/overnight stay/breakfast for 2 packages they have. I casually mentioned it and he was silent. “Sara”, he said, “I just pulled out of their parking lot…” ESP much? So we are doing that Friday over Saturday while the children spend the night with Grandma and Papa. I’m excited about it. It will be the 1st time that all 3 kids have spent the night with them, but I am sure that it will be just fine.

Lets be honest, the gift is as much for Hub as it is for me, but I am looking forward to a fancy dinner, and sleeping in a fancy room without worrying whether the kids will be up screaming at some point. I am looking forward to rolling out of bed when I want to get up and having breakfast at my leisure. And sure, I could do that in the comfort of my own home while they are away, but the hotel makes it kind of special right?

I just might go out and buy a new dress for the occasion.

I have to admit that I may have been a bit arrogant in the past about my children’s eating habits. Upon hearing stories about a child refusing to eat anything but say, a cheese quesadilla for dinner, for nights on end. I’d scoff to myself “it’s because that is what you let him do…”.

Here is a list of things that Liv will eat consistently:
• Cantaloupe
• Cheerios
• That.Is.All.

I don’t know what to do about it. I give her just about everything we eat. And after a bite or 2, she is spitting it out. Not even maliciously spitting, just casually opening her mouth and letting the offender fall out. I don’t know if it is her molars, or her ears (did I mention she has a consult for tubes at the end of the month), or if she is just being picky, or what. What I do know is that by the time my other children were here age, they were not still taking 3-4 bottles a day and they most certainly were eating a wide variety of table food. And up until recently, Liv was too. She loved to eat. LOVED. Now, not so much. And I am lost as to what to do. My only saving grace is to give her a fork with whatever we are eating, and she does eat some of it until the novelty of the fork wears off.

For now, I am discounting it as a phase, and loading her up on cantaloupe.

She’s lucky she is cute.

I want to go back in time and BE THERE!!!

She hears the dog across the street barking long before we are actually ready to get up. She barks back a few times before standing up in the crib and screaming "Ma!! Ma!!! aaaaaaaaare youuuuuu?? MA!!! MA?? MA!!!" I haven't even rolled out of bed yet and the cat walks by. She meows at him relentlessly, as if asking him questions in cat speak. "Mow?? Mow mow?? MOW kitty cat, mow?"

She sees me sneak by to get her bottle ready. She knows where I am going but insists on screaming "Out? Out??" and when I arrive with her bottle like clockwork she picks up her blanket and hands it to me. "See?" she says as if I should be surprised that the blanket was in her crib. As I lay her back down with the bottle, her hand shoots up to ask for her blanket back.

I usually take my shower while she is taking her bottle, and by the time I've gotten out, she's got the big kids up and has somehow convinced them to entertain her. She is standing in her crib clapping and laughing at their antics.

I get her out, and get her changed and dressed for the day. As soon as she's dressed, she asks for her shoes. She carries them and her socks to grandpa's room shouting "shoes! on!" the whole way there. She loves her routine and is a creature of habit.

This is my absolute favorite part of having kids. That magical time when your child turns from baby to toddler, expanding their comprehension and vocabulary seemingly by the minute. A year ago, she laid around like a lump. Now–she moves from morning until night. Sure, there are rough spots, like the fact that she doesn't sleep through the night or the fact that she routinely throws a temper tantrum during dinner, but she is such a bright spot in our lives right now.

When I am leaving her in the morning, she runs to me with her lips turned up for a kiss goodbye. She does the same to her daddy, brother and sister at bedtime. When it's time to read, she is climbing in to the bed, just as excited as the big kids. "See book?", she asks and then settles in to a lap to listen to the story.

Remember way back when I was pregnant and was worried about how she would change our family dynamic? It was a real concern then and to even think of it now, it seems like it was an irrational worry. Of course she fits right in with us. She is one of us. Hub said it best a few weeks ago when we were talking about how lucky we truly are. "She is the icing on the cake."

My boss and his wife had their first child last week. They just named her this past weekend. This is UNFATHOMABLE to me. Could you even imagine? I have so many names lying in wait for children that I will never have (though we've spoken more recently about MAYBE having a 4th) you would not even believe it. I can't imagine showing up at the hospital without having at least a pretty good idea of what my child would be called. In all three of my own pregnancies, the baby was named pretty much as soon as we knew the sex. (Aside from Liv's middle name which was changed at the last minute when Hub called his mom to tell her she was here.)

This seems like as good a reason as any to discuss some actual names, doesn't it? I think that if I were to define my own naming style, it would be classic, with a bit of modern flair. Bud's real name hasn't made it in to the top 100 list in about a zillion years, but it is a recognizable, normal name. And my girl's names are much more common, each of them slightly modern; slightly classic.

Prior to having children, I was obsessed with the name Sebastian for a boy (What is he, a CAT?) Hub was hell to the no on that one. We did actually end up naming our cat Sebastian. And for a girl, aside from the name we chose for our first daughter, I loved (still love) Felicity. Felicity was a great show, and a great name too. Hub vetoed for no "nicknameablity" and I'll give him that, but really…so pretty.

If I were to have another child the (very few) top boy contenders would be: Callum, Andrew, or Erik. Something tells me that Hub would loathe Callum. But I love it. And also, Cal.

For a girl, I really like(in this order) Fiona, Carly, Abby (not Abigail), Delilah, and Lilly.

I may never have the opportunity to use any of these names. The point is that if I do, here is our starting point. I have a list. The baby will surely be named before he or she is born. I could not deal with having to make such a decision in the delivery room.

What about you? I'm dying to know what you would name your future child–or what the contenders might be.

**for the record, my boss named his daughter Ava