Preface to Eddie’s Birth

Posted on July 30, 2007 by Sara

I was 24 years old, and for at least 3 years I had wanted to have a baby. When Ed and I were married in September 2002 the instinct went in to overdrive. It was all I talked about, every single day. I had stopped taking the pill the day after our wedding, and had become proficient in tracking my cycle. Ed was uncomfortable with the thought of a baby, and barely even entertained the subject.

Ed and I arrived home around the same time one day in April 2003…ok, it was April 16th to be exact. He told me that he had been giving it a lot of thought and that he wanted to have a baby with me. I’m not going to give you the gory details; we all know how babies are made. I knew I was ovulating at the time and I called Ed on it. (It was very weird for me, because we had been “doing it” while I was ovulating for 6 months and I was always nervous that I’d be pregnant and he’d be disappointed. In a crazy kind of way, I feel like since Ed finally wanted it, that I allowed myself to get pregnant that night.)

After a few weeks, I started having horrendous cramps that Midol wouldn’t even touch. I was sure that I was getting my period. I went to my primary doctor for a check-up and mentioned to the nurse practitioner that I was one day late for my period. She asked if I was usually regular, and I was extremely regular at the time. She thought that it wouldn’t hurt to do a pregnancy test, so I did. She told me I’d have to wait about 10 minutes for the results, but burst in to the examining room after about 3 minutes and congratulated me on being pregnant. (It turned out that the cramping was implantation)

I was in shock. I don’t think I even moved when she told me. I didn’t laugh or cry. I stood up, my legs like jelly, and walked out to my car in a complete daze. All I could think about was how I would ever make it back to work and function for the rest of the day; how would I tell Ed without anyone hearing me? For whatever reason, I didn’t have my cell phone that day, so I stopped and tried to call him from a payphone. No answer. I tried again and still no answer. I drove reluctantly back to work.

I eventually reached him from work and told him the news in whispers. He was hard to read. (I later found out that he thought I said the dr. said I might be pregnant) He had a lot of questions that I really couldn’t answer because my job at the bank at that time had me in an environment where I was surrounded by people. I didn’t go right home from work that night as I was taking classes. I bombed an important math test and was finally home about 9:00 PM.

When Ed fully understood, he was thrilled. We talked for a long time, both of us scared, and excited.

We were going to be parents.

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Posted on July 27, 2007 by Sara

I’ve been reading a lot of birth stories lately, and I’ve been wanting to document mine for quite some time, you know, before they’re too far gone from my memory, so that is my next project. I’m going to start with my darling Eddie and Do Caitlyn in the next few weeks as we approach her (gulp) second birthday.

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A Photo Entry

Posted on July 26, 2007 by Sara

Here’s what happens when you let your almost-2-year-old have access to your cupboards:

Potatoes in your bed

These are the glorious cookies I made using Sarah’s recipe:

This is the cutest girl in the world…

One of my new favorite photos, Eddie and Grandpa at the creek

Paris Hilton in training:

Caitlyn the monkey at the brown park:


Eddie on the ladder:

And going down the HUUUUGE twisty slide at the brown park for the 1st time


One more at the creek:

And finally, the giant coffee mug Ed bought me at Cedar Point next to my regular favorite mug for emphasis:


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K E T C H U P

Posted on July 23, 2007 by Sara

I remember singing a song in grade school, something along the lines of

“Ketchup is good on most anything! Hot Dogs! Hamburger! Onion Rings!”

I thought about it the other day as I made some wonderfully tender, flavorful breaded turkey cutlets for dinner. They were quite amazing, if I do say so myself. Naturally, I took offense when Ed put ketchup on them. KETCHUP! ON TURKEY!

He said to me at one point during dinner

“The ketchup tastes kind of weird….”

I didn’t even look up from my plate, but replied quite snarkily

“Perhaps it’s because you’re dipping TURKEY in it.”

I was livid, and so offended, and so……like my mother……in that moment.

But seriously, what in the hell would possess you to slather ketchup all over your perfectly good dinner? To be honest with you, I find it to be quite rude.

I blame his mother, who coats my perfect pork chops in the stuff. I know, right!! MY PORK CHOPS! They taste like heaven!

His mother who upon dishing herself a plate of my cheesy Italian goulash this past Saturday, immediately went to the fridge and squeezed ketchup all over it.

I threw her out of my house.

OK, not really, but I sure felt like it.

And what happened when I politely informed her that there was already ketchup in the goulash?

She giggled and took her seat.

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Another Non-Post

Posted on July 19, 2007 by Sara

1. It is 49 days until I am on vacation, and 52 days until I will be in The White Mountains of New Hampshire in a VERY well appointed hotel room for very little money ($89/night) due to it being EXACTLY one week before their peak fall foliage season begins.

2. And in 55 days we will be in Portland, Maine where I will consume lobster for breakfast, lunch, dinner and dessert (where available). We will spend time in another beautiful hotel for $55 a night because our good friend Melissa is the General Manger there….ooooh yeah.

3. My 5 year wedding anniversary is also in 55 days. Do you think that vacation is enough of a gift to each other? Or should I be considering a gift for Ed?

4. It’s going to be a beautiful, sunny weekend. We’re looking for something fun to do on Saturday. I’d like to go to the Toronto Zoo, but I don’t know if we feel like driving 1.5 hours. Ed has to work on Sunday, but the kids and I are going to Canal Fest (celebrate the Erie Canal!! WOOT!! WOOT!!) with my parents. [there’s actually a really cool craft show and festival]

5. Ed spent the day with my brother and some friends at Cedar Point yesterday. He was the only husband to bring a gift back for his wife (a huuuuuge coffee mug) . He also called me from the spot where he proposed and told me how much he missed me, and that it wasn’t the same without me. Brownie points for him.

6. He bought the kids hats too.

7. This girl at work constantly starts her sentences with “As well”. For example, “As well, we will be moving to a new format next week.” She drives me insane

8. Another girl constantly asks me, when I’m by myself, “How we doing?” I answer her with a smart-assed “We’re doing great, how are you guys” every single time and she just doesn’t get it.

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Posted on July 19, 2007 by Sara

I started this post earlier and hated how it sounded. Here is the revised version.

Ed and I discussed the possibility of having more children last week.

I’ve always wanted 4. My mind has pretty much been made up since I was, like, 12. Ed isn’t opposed to actually having 4 children, but rather, the idea of having 4 children; the looks and the comments and the general stigma that seems to be cast upon people, in this day in age, who have more than 2 children. You know, the “what the hell is the matter with you” stigma.

It was just a quick conversation, nothing controversial, but it really got me thinking.

It has to be biology at work because although the logistics of having a third child right now would be ridiculous, when I even think about it for a second, I have an overwhelming desire to have another baby. I’m stressed to the limit with Eddie and Caitlyn being toddlers on their own, and outside of it all, introducing a newborn would be complete insanity. Then there’s the money……I pay $352 a week for daycare. We would need to make major life changes in order to add a third right now that would come down to one of us quitting our job and losing either money or health insurance. It’s not the right time at all, but the desire sure burns.

In the end, we decided to try for # 3 once Eddie is done with daycare, and we would like to get him in to public school when he is 4 (almost 5) instead of waiting until he is 5 (almost 6). I don’t want to be pregnant on my 30th birthday either, or nursing for that matter, because I am not the “pump and dump” kind of girl.

In the end this boils down to about a year or so of waiting. And if #4 comes after that, so be it.

As much as it is “the right” thing to do, I just don’t want to wait.

Sigh.

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Questions, Questions

Posted on July 16, 2007 by Sara

1. I need a good eye cream. The bags and circles under my eyes are unbearable. Does anyone have any suggestions? I’d like to look so young and vibrant that people would think I was the baby sitter rather than the tired, tired mommy.

2. As far as skin goes in general, mine really sucks right now. My complexion has gone down the toilet since I had Cait, and more so since I went off the pill. While the acne is a small price to pay for the absence of migraines and severe hormonal fluctuation and actually having a sex life (I often joked that the pill didn’t work by stopping me from ovulating, it just plain turned me off to doing it..), something really needs to be done here. I tried Proactiv, no go. I’ve been using this antibacterial face bar and that’s not working either. Has anyone found the secret to a beautiful complexion? This week I’m trying the “chocolate gives you zits” theory and I’m not eating any. Which sucks. And it’s only 2:00 PM on Monday. Please, tell me what to do oh wise women of the blogosphere.

3. I also need a diet that works if you have one. I can’t stomach (haha pun absolutely intended) the feeling of being hungry. I hate not eating bread. I hate limiting myself in general. I considered for a brief second trying that new Alli supplement….that is until I read that if you should by some chance over indulge in fatty foods, an oily substance will leak out of your A-hole. I even told myself that the prospect of a greasy rectum would be enough of a deterrent to not eat any fat at all. Then I took a long hard look at myself (that means I thought about my impulsive personality for about 2 seconds) and decided that unless I was committed to ruining pants and unders because they most definitely would have grease stains, this was probably not a good idea. (BUT IT’S FDA APPROVED!!!) So anyway, if anyone has a plan that meets the criteria of being able to consume bread, never being hungry, and few limits in general, plus the absence of oily anus, I would sure love to hear about it.

**On a side note, I was quite proud of myself for only having a salad for lunch, with grilled chicken as opposed to crispy chicken. That is until I discovered that the dressing alone had 200 calories in it. Why can’t everything just be easy?!?!?! (ok, I just checked and the salad itself was 90 calories and the chicken was 120, so a 440 calorie lunch…not too bad I guess. All I had for breakfast was reduced sugar oatmeal and black coffee—90 calories)

4. I need to know why my button and zipper on these capris is on the wrong side. Like, the button is on the left. I posed this question to my co-workers. Someone thought that maybe they were actually MAN-pris, or capris for men, but I assured her they were women’s. Then I was asked if maybe I bought them in Canada…apparently Canada has some backward zipper policy that I am unaware of. In any case, I didn’t cross the border to get some capris. I bought them right here, at JC Penny in the “misses” section.

5. Why oh why oh why do men insist on showing their feet off in their “mandals”. I hate feet in general, but man feet are the worst. I beg all men to please keep their feet sheathed in their socks.

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Girls on Motorcycles

Posted on July 11, 2007 by Sara

I remember taking a sociology class in college where it was stated that children are not predisposed to act a certain way based on their gender, but actually are molded to act like boys and girls by their parents pushing stereotypical gender based toys/clothes/shows (etc.) at them. Even back then, before having kids, I disagreed. I argued that a person is set up to be who they are regardless of gender and regardless of being given trucks or dolls to play with.

As a child, I had dolls and your basic girly toys, but I found them to be quite boring. Friends would often get upset with me because I would be all about setting up the Barbie house and furniture and arranging it just right, but I had no actual interest in playing Barbie’s. I hated dressing them up and making them talk or go out or whatever. How freaking lame, right? I didn’t want to play in a toy kitchen or use a fake vacuum (are you insane?). I liked playing make believe; I would pretend that I was camping with my stuffed animals, or that I was in a singing competition. Even at a young age I would just hang out and listen to music. I would have much rather played by myself than with a group of kids any day, and I was lucky to have a brother who was the same as me; content to chill or be by himself.

And guess what? I turned out ok! I’m not some kind of psychopath loner; I’m actually a good mom!

I admit that I put Caitlyn in dresses quite a bit, and dress her in pink and purple 98% of the time. I’ve bought her dolls and put her hair in pig tails. I’ve set her up to be the biggest princess there ever was. Despite what I have done, Caitlyn prefers to be dirty. She prefers Diego over Dora. She loves to dig and steal her brother’s trucks. She is loud and extremely outspoken (even at age 2). Regardless of what I dress her in, she always grabs her baseball cap and puts it on backwards. She also sets her stuffed animals around our table and feeds them and brings them milk. She wraps her babies in her blanket and lies them down and runs their backs. She pretends to cook in her little kitchen. I know that I’m doing something right with her because she feels free to be an individual and do her own thing, but she also has the desire to mimic me, and be a little mommy.

It’s hard to put Eddie’s personality in print. While he does all the things a typical boy is “supposed” to do (which include being dirty, loud, and maniacal at times) he is a truly sensitive soul. He’s 3 ½ now and still wants to curl up on my lap and twirl my hair. He likes to sit and have a conversation with you, and talk about his feelings. He carries a pink Dora backpack to school every day and doesn’t care. He sings and dances and loves to watch anything with music on TV. When they play dress up at school, the first thing he goes for is a denim skirt. And you know what? He plays trucks, pretends he is a monster, wrestles and loves to watch NASCAR with his dad. He likes nothing better than watching bulldozers do work.

I went outside last night to see what he and Grandpa were up to and he ran up to me and gave me a huge hug and a great big smile.

“I want to be just like you, Mommy” he says

“Me? How come?” (I think he’s about to tell me that I’m great)

“I want to wear dresses and be a girl.”

“You do?”

“Oh yeah, I want to wear dresses”

“Well, you’re already a boy and boys don’t really wear dresses.”

“Ok Mommy.”

He thinks for a minute.

“Well, can girls ride motorcycles?”

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Posted on July 9, 2007 by Sara

Ugh. Yesterday.

I felt like such a bad Mom.

I swear to you I yelled all day at those kids. Screamed. Me. At them.

It was a bad, bad day.

At bed time, after numerous “time outs” Eddie and I were having a talk; I was sitting in his bed and we discussed why he should listen to me when I tell him to do something once. (like not to jump over the back of the love seat, roll on to the cushions and then on to the floor) I made a mistake and told him that he was acting like “bad Anthony”, a boy from his class. I had to apologize and tell him that it wasn’t a nice thing to say, not because Anthony isn’t bad (because he is hell on wheels) but because Anthony has a bad life with no daddy around and a Mommy who works a whole lot. I told him he was a good boy and that we’d had a hard day.

He looked me in the eyes, serious as anything.

“I know I’m good mommy. I try to teach Anthony how to be good. And I am really sick of you hollering all the time.”

Me too.

I didn’t sleep and cried most of the night.

My biggest fear is fucking my kids up.

Or that they’ll hate me when they are grown and look back.

I’m at a loss as to what to do; how to balance it all.

Both kids were sweet as pie this morning, but for me, it has been a very depressing day.

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Posted on July 8, 2007 by Sara

I was laughing to myself (as I often do) the other day because Caitlyn has this adorable shirt that says “everyone loves a blue eyed girl” and her eyes are so not blue anymore. Isn’t it weird? They are the most lovely shade of hazel that I have ever seen, grey and green with flecks of golden-brown. I was commenting to Ed yesterday that even when she wears blue, her eyes don’t reflect it anymore. Then I downloaded this picture: (**edited to say [was I smoking crack? He eyes don’t look blue at all.) Go ahead, enlarge the pictures. Hazel indeed.]

And this one too:

Where they look SO blue. You will also notice my newly laid kitchen floor, but please try not to notice the pieces of cat food strewn about.

We went to a wedding for Ed’s cousin Karen yesterday and while I didn’t take any pictures of the bride and groom, I did get 2 new pictures of my adorable niece Samantha who is nearly 3 months old. She has 2 idiots for parents, but she sure is a cute pumpkin.

We had a really nice day at the park (where the wedding was) and will probably book Cait’s birthday party there as well. It was a really nice site.

I actually came up here to check my bank account to be sure that I can grocery shop, so I’m going to do that. I hear the kids waking up from their naps…..

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