Author Archives: Sara

• It sort of is my Friday because I start my vacation in 2 hours, never to return! Well, at least not until September 5th.  14 glorious days.
• Ed has succeeded in telling nearly everyone he’s come in contact with about the babies.  My biggest concern at this point is someone important, who we want to tell in person, hearing it through the grapevine.
• I mean that is my biggest concern in the realm of telling.  I have other concerns and general nervousness about the pregnancy in general.  I feel like there is so much more to worry about with 2 in there.  2 people. Double worry. Something happening to one or both.  ACK. I’m trying to just be positive and not even think about it.
• Apparently, according to The Wise Internets, anyway, the ultrasound tech may have spoken out of turn when she said she was pretty sure the twins would be fraternal.  It’s anybody’s guess at this point is what I believe now. we’ll know more after our ultrasound on 9/17, I suppose.  That seems so far away!!
• Though it tasted good at the time, Chinese food was a Very Bad Idea.
• I had all of my pregnancy lab work done today, and I swear they took something like 45 vials of blood.  And they gave me a soapy cloth to wash up before my urine sample.  It was INSANE.  I guess it is better to be safe, but this is the first time I’ve been at a non-midwife practice at the beginning of my pregnancy, and all the testing is very interesting to me.

I’m sort of a private person by nature.  Well, I guess that’s not entirely accurate–when I know you, and am comfortable, I will talk your ear off about anything and everything both appropriate and inappropriate.  BUT! Even with the people I am the most comfortable with, I’m weird about getting attention.  My surprise party for my 30th birthday?  Was great.  But I was insanely uncomfortable.  I am awkward when it comes to reactions–people watching mine or the reaction of others.  I hate opening gifts in front of people.  I hate any and all surprises. And I really don’t like things being a big deal, especially when it comes to me.

This is causing a minor problem because Ed wants to think of the perfect way to tell everyone in the world about the babies.  It’s not good enough to just say “Hey, Sara’s going to have twins!”.  He wants there to be a scheme, and a surprise, and a reaction.  This makes me beyond uncomfortable.  Yesterday, he wanted to drive over to a friend’s house and just knock on the door out of the blue and tell her.  I forbade this.  For one thing, it was 11am on Sunday.  Who knew if she was even dressed?  For another, I guess I feel like why are we so special that we deserve you spending time on a reaction for us? That sounds fucked up; maybe I don’t know what I mean.  After the forbidding though, I was declared a stick in the mud.

He thinks that because I don’t want to make a big deal about telling people, that I don’t think the babies are a big deal; that maybe I don’t want the babies.  This of course is the farthest thing from the truth.  This is probably the biggest deal that has ever happened to me.  And I am excited.  And also, this is the 4th time I’ve done this! We’ve done the big surprise announcements.  It’s kind of played out!

Regardless of the reaction people give us, I think that they’re also privately going to think “Holy shit, these crackpots are going to have 5 kids!” and if I see that on their face, then what? THEN WHAT? I’d really just rather not deal with it.  I’d rather nonchalantly slip it in to a conversation, or better yet, send a freaking text message.  I don’t want bells and whistles.

So anyway, Ed and I are sort of in a thing over this, because he wants to rent billboards, and I would rather just quietly be pregnant and process everything that is happening by myself without having to worry about the great way we are going to tell the next person.  He’s been telling people without me, and I think that is just fantastic.  I had Eddie tell my mom over the phone.  I texted my brother to tell him.  This is all fine with me.

I suppose that soon enough it won’t matter anyway.  The babies will be quite obvious, first by their presence in my belly and then by their presence here in the world. And really, I should just drop this, and focus my efforts on worrying about other things like complications and c-sections and the NICU.

I don’t know.  I can’t even think of a good way to end this post.  So how about this–did any of you go all out in telling your family and friends about your pregnancies? Am I being irrational? Should Ed cut me some slack?

I don’t think I have blinked since yesterday.

The day started out normal enough.  I had a breakfast meeting with Ed’s web designer, and then Ed and I went to our favorite coffee shop for a snack before going to the movies.  We saw The Bourne Legacy and I started drinking my water like I was supposed to at 2.

We arrived for the appointment on time, got registered, and waited.  When the tech came out, she said she would take me back first to get some initial measurements, and then call Ed back in a few minutes.

The table was positioned where it wasn’t overly comfortable for me to look at the screen, but I did anyway, and as soon as she started swirling the thinger around on my belly, I saw it.  2 dark areas in the abyss of my uterus.  In the back of my mind, I already knew it was twins.  I can’t explain it, but I just knew.  It was one of those things where I didn’t say anything aside from joking, because everyone says “Hahahahaaa, I’m probably having twins!” and then they move merrily on their way with singletons.  But honestly, I knew.  So, just as I was about to ask the tech if those 2 blobs meant what I thought they did, she turned off the machine, and said she was going to get Ed.

That pretty much clinched it for me, and as soon as he was in the room, the door closed, and the machine turned back on, the tech said “So, you are having twins!” Ed was certain that she was joking.  That I had set up some elaborate ruse with the tech, just to get him.  Until he saw my face, that is, which I am sure was contorted in to a mix between craze and terror.  And until I started letting off a string of profanity and mumbo jumbo and who knows what else.  Then we went through the rest of the ultrasound, and terms like Baby A and Baby B began floating around and I died because sometime in March I will have 5 kids and need to sport a Duggar hairdoo and denim jumper.  (Trust me.  I know there are perfectly normal people who have 5 kids.  But I was having a moment.)

So anyway, the rest of yesterday was a blur, though I got many encouraging words from all of The Internets and from my cousin Em, who is a twin herself and is (1)normal and (2) knows that a lot of my anxiety stems from telling my mother. Anyway.  I appreciate all of you more than you know; you are really saving my sanity.

And now, we wait, I guess.  I feel like calling the doctor and saying “Hey! I’m having TWINS! What are you going to DO about it??” but I don’t think that will get me anywhere.  I think I will sign up for the 11 week high tech ultrasound though, even though we didn’t plan on it initially.  The outcome likely won’t change anything, but I feel like in this situation, I need to be as prepared as possible. Plus, I get to see them again! And, my original OB who left my old  favorite midwife practice is the head of the high risk shenanigans at our hospital, and I will get to talk with her about it.

Ok! So, here is what we know about the twins so far:

• 2 separate sacs, with a thick membrane in between, which means fraternal babies who will have their own fluid and placenta.
• they measured at just over 7 weeks, which is a week smaller than they should based on my last period–supporting my theory that antibiotics caused a second ovulation (double ovulation, at that!!).
• My official due date is April 1st, but twins can come much earlier! April Fools day! But I can assure you, this is not a joke!

Last night when we were in bed, Ed told me that he feels like he won the lottery.  That this is the best thing that has ever happened to him.  That we are going to be great, and have so much fun.

I really hope he’s right.

I had my first doctor’s appointment yesterday, and it went probably as well as it could go.  I was a little bit put off when the nurse, after dipping the test, asked what sort of result we were expecting.  I looked at her in horror, and Ed was like ‘if she’s not pregnant, then she has the worst flu in the history of EVER.’, and she laughed and said that of course it was positive an hahahaha, and I nearly fainted. Don’t screw with the pregnant lady, ok?

Ed showed up to the appointment on a whim; he had some work cancel.  I really don’t care if he comes to the doctor with me or not.  I believe he’s been to all of the past first appointments with me, so it was nice that he was there, although the only thing that was accomplished was a lot of digging around in my girly bits.

I transferred from my old practice of midwives (they disbanded and left my least favorite doctor as the only OB in the practice) to this practice around 10 or 12 weeks in to my pregnancy with Hannah, so this was my first experience at the beginning of a pregnancy with them. Ed was not asked to leave the room so they could ask me in private if he beats me.  We didn’t have a long talk abut my feeeeelings on the pregnancy, or talk about lead paint.  It was different than what I am used to.

We did talk about the neural scan to be done between 11 and 13 weeks though.  Where it was always presented to me as optional in the past, they made it seem like it was required.  I didn’t think anything of it at the time, but Ed reminded me as we left that I’ve never done it before.  I don’t think I will do it this time either.  It would not make a difference in the outcome of the pregnancy for me, so I really see no point.

In all though, it was a really good appointment. I made sure that we can schedule an induction like we did with Hannah to avoid (1) Big Baby and (2) hypoglycemia and the NICU, and I got permission to keep going to Zumba as long as I scale it back if I feel at all uncomfortable.  I liked the NP, who I have never seen before, and I will see my regular doctor next month.

Tomorrow, my dating ultrasound is scheduled for 2:45.  I’m pretty certain of the timing of things, even though my phone crashed and I lost all the data in my handy dandy app, but they like a dating sonogram to be sure. I like the early sonogram to see the heart beat–it makes me more comfortable with telling the world…which we will probably do soon, because secrets are hard man!  As things stand today, my due date is March 27th, with potential induction to be scheduled the week of 3/18.

So! Things are looking good so far! And thanks to Unisom and B6, I’ve been feeling much better–to the point where I’ve actually been hungry the last 2 days.  I just might make it after all!

1. I am heavier to start than I have ever been.  Granted, I am the most active I have ever been, so I feel healthy, but I worry about the inevitable weight gain and where it will leave me once I pop the kid out.
2. The fact that I am sicker than I have ever been with at least 5 more weeks of sickness to go.
3. Knowing that this is 100% certainly my last pregnancy, and trying to enjoy it and not wish it away.
4. That this child, who will be so far apart in age from the rest of the kids, will not have an ally.
5. That between the baby and Hannah, I will never sleep again. Ever.
6. That I’m going to get stares and snide comments about being pregnant again and having 4 kids.
7. I feel genuinely bad that it is so easy for me to get pregnant when so many others struggle–to the point that I’m afraid to talk about it–I don’t want to offend.  I am not smug about it, I promise.  And I wish I could pass my fertility on to someone else now that I’m done with it.
8. I hope my kids won’t hate me for being mean, and feeding them chicken nuggets and cereal for dinner almost every night.
9. It really makes me sad that Hannie will no longer be my baby.  And I worry that she’ll be sad about it too and have a hard time adjusting.
10. Our house is way too small to hold 4 small people, which leads to more remodeling.  Do you remember the big kitchen remodel of Hannah’s pregnancy?  Kill me now.

We’d planned on seeing how the weekend went, but after a very restless night, and a trying Saturday morning, we knew that it was time to take Oz in to be put to sleep.  My poor buddy couldn’t walk, wouldn’t eat or drink and was generally miserable.  I slept in the living room with him on Friday night, and he spent some time resting on top of me, but never sleeping.  As hard as it was to do, we knew it was the right time; he was suffering too much.

So I carried him on my lap in the car to the shelter where we picked him up nearly 11 years ago.  They found him in the computer under my maiden name.  They knew we gave him a good life.  We all spent some time with him, and they took him away.

It was all very hard, especially considering my current emotional state, but these are the decisions you have to make when you’re a pet owner.  I’m really going to miss my little buddy.

I’ve struggled with finding pictures of him alone, because he and his “brother”, Sebastian–our 1st cat,  were almost always right on top of each other…until Oz got sick, that is.  Here are some of my favorites.

I sure did love my buddy, and I’ll miss him for a long time to come.

• Oswald isn’t going to make it much longer.  He took a turn for the worse yesterday and is sick, lethargic and generally not himself.  He won’t eat, and peed in Cait’s bedroom today.  We know it is time, so we’re going to give him the weekend, just on the off chance that he does perk up, and the plan is to take him in on Monday to be put down.  I’m going to miss my little snuggler.
• My nausea has been worse than I’ve ever experienced.  This morning I did not drink any coffee, and have had a significant decrease in symptoms.  Still nauseous, mind you, but not gripping the toilet.
• Speaking of nausea, it sort of goes like this: get so hungry I could pass out, eat, and then gag for about 3 hours until I am starving again, and repeat. It’s as fun as it sounds. I do remember it being just like this with Hannah though.
• I’ve been reading some of my archives from when I was newly pregnant the last time.  I was like a psychopath.  Ed says I am mouthy when I’m pregnant.  This is probably true.  I also claimed to be “more nauseous than I’ve ever been” back then too.  So maybe I’m just one big drama queen.  I also mentioned coffee making me nauseous.  I guess you really do forget everything. Granted, it was nearly 5 years ago.  (Really though, this is the worst. Ever.)
• You may not believe it, but I am trying really hard not to be complainy and whiny.  This is 100% for sure the last time I am doing this, so I feel like I should enjoy it a tiny bit.  Not the gagging necessarily, but the general experience.  Anyway, you can totally tell me to shut up when I’m whining.
• I am finally going to see my niece this weekend! She’s coming for a sleepover tomorrow!  Yay!

Once every couple of weeks, I take the kids (or just one or 2 of them depending on the situation) for a quick breakfast at our local donut and coffee joint.  It’s never an overly joyous occasion–kids scrambling to place their orders, find the perfect seat and to get on my last nerve.  They like it though, and even if they forget to thank me, I know they appreciate the change in their normal routine.
I do enjoy taking them though, because of the delightful man who works behind the counter.  A few months ago, when I was there with just Hannah, he struck up a conversation about kids and whatnot and told me that his youngest was 7, and his oldest was “older than me”.  I asked him how old, and he replied “28!”. Yes, I like this man.
Today, he marveled at how well I handled all 3 kids.  “You are a saint!”, he told me “You deserve a medal!  Do you ever get any sleep? you really do a great job with them” and so on and so forth.

I guess, in a world where more often than not I am told “Wow, you really have your hands full!”, the little things, talking to someone who has respect for having a family of small children, rather than horror and sympathy, is very refreshing.

I know that I do ok with them, you know?  But to hear it from someone else, a stranger even…it means a lot to me.