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No matter what, three weeks from today there will be babies.  This isn’t to say that they won’t come sooner, but we are scheduled to deliver 3 weeks from today.  I don’t know, a 3 week timeline is sort of panic inducing especially given that they currently don’t have a place to sleep here.  3 weeks.  Three mother effing weeks.  These are numbers I cannot comprehend.

Last week’s sonogram revealed that Miss M has lodged her butt in to my pelvis and is still most definitely breech.  Gus is transverse, with his head resting on Molly’s little bum. It doesn’t seem as though anyone is going to move anytime soon, and so a C-section will be in my future, and even though I will get to avoid labor and Pitocin and all of those funsies, we are still talking about major abdominal surgery for which I am not overly thrilled.  Nope.  Not thrilled one single bit.

My anxiety in  general is sort of kicked in to high gear though, so don’t worry, I am not ONLY stressing about surgery.  Nope! Not at all! Why just the other day I grilled a friend of mine, as Cait was getting ready to spend the night there, on where her smoke and carbon monoxide detectors were.  I needed to know.  I’ve clearly lost my mind.

You probably would too at this point in the game though, right? Everything is large.  Everything hurts.  Our back room is stripped to the studs and who knows if it will be back together in time.  I’m starving all the time and eating constantly, but all of the eating makes me poop.  And pooping is not fun right now…not that it’s fun when you aren’t carrying 12 pounds of baby, but logistically, it’s just a nightmare. Hannah is stressed about the impending doom of babies and is more difficult than she has ever been, and trust me, she is difficult by nature.  My butt is sore from sitting on it all the time, yet when I try to turn in any way, babies get lodged under hips and ribs.

It’s hard not to feel like everything sucks at this point in time, hard not to feel like I am so done, can we just get this over with already, but at the same time if we get it over with, then what.  NO really, tell me…THEN WHAT. Then we have babies, and well, then I can start this little panic attack all over again.

Aaaaaanyway…

I’ve added quite a few photos to my Belly Shots in Random Bathrooms portfolio this week. One is even my naked belly which I have never ever done before, but at this point in the game, when I’ve given up on hair and makeup, I basically have no shame.  Besides, I will never have this chance again. The belly really is marvelous.  Here it is in all of its glory at Week 34:

1. What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before?
Well, getting pregnant with twins comes to mind.  I met people from the internet for the first time. Got promoted to Vice President at work. Served on the board of our PTA. Gave IV fluids to a cat.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Well, I’m kind of too lazy to look up whether I made any real resolutions if that tells you anything…though I will say that I got in to the best shape of my adult life in 2012 (prior to the whole pregnancy thing) and I am immensely proud of that.  I can’t wait to resume in 2013.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
One cousin. Many of The Internets.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
My handsome cat Oswald, poor buddy.  Our adopted from preschool guinea pig.  No people, thank God

5. What countries did you visit?

None.  Though I am now able to travel freely between the US and Canada thanks to my enhanced license.
6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?
An appetite, perhaps? I really can’t wait to enjoy food again, without it being a chore.
7. What dates from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
July 22, which is when I found out I was pregnant, and August 15th when we found out we were having twins.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Work wise, VP.  Personally? Keeping my shit together even though I was scared out of my mind.
9. What was your biggest failure?
This is a tough one.  I’m sure there were many minor failures, but no biggies stand out.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Aside from the worst “morning” sickness I have ever had, nope.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
I don’t think I bought anything major this year.  Like, at all.  That seems…weird. I mean aside from tons of baby gear.  Cloth diapers, maybe? Those were a big investment.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Mine.  MINE, do you hear me??  I was rational at a lot of times this past year where I could have been totally irrational.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
My mother’s.  Several times.  But see above–I am done with that now.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Mortgage. Cars. Groceries. Ultrasounds. Baby gear.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
My girls’ weekend with Shelly, Becky and Kori
16. What song will always remind you of 2011?
No idea.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Happier.
b) thinner or fatter? Fatter–but considering there are 2 babies in my belly, this is justified. If not for the pregnancy, I would be thinner.
c) richer or poorer? Richer.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Blogging. Sleeping in. Playing games with the kids.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Eating junk. Yelling, omg, the yelling. Wiping muddy dog paws. Being nauseous.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
Pre-Christmas: My Mom’s family. Christmas Eve: Ed’s family. Christmas Day: just us, at home.  There was napping. 12/26- at my mom’s.
21. Did you fall in love in 2012?
I started to with my babies, yes.
22. What was your favorite TV program?
Suits. Breaking Bad. Burn Notice.  The usual, really.
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No.
24. What was the best book you read?
I read so much great stuff this year! SMUT! Real books! All the Dystopian!
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
None, really.
26. What did you want and get?
A new couch.
27. What did you want and not get?
I can’t think of anything.  I did ask for a beef stick for Christmas, and did not get it.
28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Magic Mike! Ok, not really.  Silver Linings Playbook.
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 34. We didn’t do much.  There was cake.
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I’m not really sure.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Tunics, leggings and yoga pants.
32. What kept you sane?
My Blog, The Twitters
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Does Kellan Kyle count? Nobody special really did it for me this year.
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Gay marriage. Healthcare. Always.
35. Who did you miss?
FIL.
36. Who was the best new person you met?
I met so many new Twitter folks! And I met Becky, Shelly and Kori in person!  It was a good year!
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012.
You can get through things even when you are scared out of your mind.
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Nope.

I like to think that I am an easygoing person.  I am a laid back person by nature.  Dealing with the general public sometimes gives me the rage though, and it is usually in the same few places.  Sometimes it’s intentional on their part and sometimes it’s not, but people should really work harder at not being assholes.

So, where do I get in to these imaginary altercations?  I will tell you!

1. The Grocery Store: People seem to have no sense of anyone (or anything) except themselves. When I am out and about I am always conscious of staying out of the way, following some general rules, and being mindful of those around me.  Is the aisle super packed? Then I’m going to inch my cart off to the side, grab what I need and keep moving.  I will not, like so many others, angle my cart across the aisle and stop traffic while I grab 250 cans of green beans, send a text message and rifle through my purse.  No I will not.  Similarly, if I cannot find what I am looking for, I will stand back out of the way and scan the shelves until I find it.  Note that I am NOT standing directly in front of the shelves blocking several item while I run my fingers along each row to see if I can find what I am looking for allowing nobody else to grab an item from the shelf.  No, I stay out of the way so that others can do their shopping.
2. The Tim Horton’s Drive-Thru: Our local coffee shop is on a corner, so there are 2 entrances on 2 different streets.  This results in people entering the drive-thru either straight on from the main entrance, or having to drive around the building and enter the drive-thru from the corner of the building.  I almost always enter from the main entrance and while sometimes there are no cars ahead of me, other times there are 4 or more.  Sometimes when the car in front of me is at the speaker, a car will swing around from the other entrance, and shoot me dirty looks when I don’t let them in.  One person even yelled at me to “take turns!!” like I was in preschool.  Here’s the thing–if I just waited in line for 5 minutes, I am not obligated to take turns when you just got here.  Pipe down!
3. School Events: My husband and I (and 3 other ladies) run our parent teacher association.  We’ve been involved now for 4 years and are in our 2nd year on the board.  We get that many if not most parents don’t have the flexible schedules we have and cannot be involved in every single activity. Most parents though will donate, or come to a few meetings, or even volunteer for a half hour at some event at some point during the year and are always thankful for all we do as an organization for the kids. There are a few though who complain no matter what the event, no matter what the cost is, no matter what we do.  One parent went on and on to me at an event about what they would have done if they were in charge, and how we could be doing things better.  Please! Please chair an event! Please come to a meeting and give us your ideas! Please! But no, it’s easier to complain obviously.
4. The Street Exit of the Daycare Parking Lot: There is a 2 lane exit here, one to turn left on to the very busy street, and one to turn right, plus a one lane entrance in to the parking lot from the busy street.  I could tell you how many times I’ve almost been hit (MANY), while waiting to make my left hand turn out in to the busy street because the jackhole turning in from the street takes their own turn too wide and ends up just barely missing me in my CORRECT lane. But what actually makes me mad is how these jackholes actually look at me with pure rage on their faces  as if I am the one in the wrong.  Like I am the one who is in the wrong lane.  This past summer, a man yelled at me from his window “JESUS LEARN TO DRIVE!!” to which I yelled back “I’M IN THE RIGHT LANE, ASSHOLE!!” to no avail (and yes, my kids were in the car).  Last week a “gentleman” actually stopped next to me and stared me down with a hatred in his eyes that I could not believe.  I…well, I didn’t say anything to him. My point though? I’m being punished here, for following the lines and arrows in the parking lot.  And everyone else in the world is stupid.

Where do you get in to imaginary fist fights?

It is now hard to type around my belly, for it is large.  Quite large for having so much longer to go, as someone pointed out to me yesterday afternoon.  Oh, how nice and sensitive people are.

I’ve taken to sleeping upright on the couch because of heartburn and hip pain, and my legs cramping in the worst way in the bed.  I also roll involuntarily to my right side when in bed, and then wake up unable to breathe.  My arms, wrists and fingers fall asleep no matter where I sleep.  It is as much fun as it sounds.

Ailments above as well as a no-good unfair cold aside, I am feeling pretty well.  I’ve found that wearing my running shoes helps to keep me upright long enough to get some housework done.  I’ve been slowly accumulating baby items and making lists of things that we need.  Yes, things have been good.

We can feel the babies, especially Baby Girl, kicking on the outside of my belly now.  The kids usually aren’t patient enough to wait for it, but Hannah has felt Baby Girl a couple of times now.  Baby Boy resides a bit behind his sister, so he mostly kicks her, I think and I’ve decided that this is why she must kick me so hard.  He’s pissing her off! Sibling fun already.

We found out last week that my cousin and his wife are expecting their 4th baby in the late spring.  I am thrilled for them, and also pleased that we have some family crossed over to the large family side.  We really aren’t crazy!

Well, we might be crazy.  But not because of the number of kids we have.

I guess things are pretty uneventful in the way of a weekly update.  I didn’t even get around to taking a picture last week.  I’ll make sure to get one this week. Unless you’re going to tell me that I am way too big…but you guys wouldn’t do that, right?

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November is a good time to talk about being thankful and grateful and all that jazz.  I’m not, you know, doing it daily on Facebook or anything, but a good once a week post will do.

This week, I am grateful for:

• The kindness and generosity of the internet.  Without calling out specific people, I’ve been offered some pretty fantastic stuff as of late, and I am so so grateful to know these folks.
• Being able to swallow coffee without throwing up.  Seriously.  The first 15 weeks of my pregnancy were made that mush worse by not being able to drink my coffee.  I not only can’t, but don’t want to live without it.
• Knowing that we have 2 healthy babies growing inside of me, and that there will be both a fuzzy girl head and a fuzzy boy head to sniff.
• Having a good job, even though I’ve been irritated lately.

What are you grateful for?

As with NaBloPoMo in years past, I give you questions for Saturday. I will answer them Monday.

1. What is your least favorite chore, and please tell me why.
2. What is your favorite throw together quick meal?
3. Are you watching any new TV? What should I be watching?
4. What is your favorite vegetable?

Have a happy day!

• Halloween was ok around these parts.  Cold and Rainy.  Hannah made it to maybe 3 houses before she was back and sitting on the porch with me to hand out candy.  She was bored before 7, and went inside where she promptly fell asleep on the couch.  I was sure she’d wake up sick yesterday morning, but I guess she was just wiped out.
• 
• I thought that maybe if I shopped for the babies a little bit, I might be a little less overwhelmed.  Ha ha ha ha…no. And Cait was with me marveling over baby shoes, and didn’t understand why I find them to be completely unnecessary and wouldn’t buy them, and it was just more stressful than it needed to be. I did buy them each 2 super cute matching outfits though, and shared a decaf peppermint mocha with Caitlyn, so it was an overall win.
• 
• When I showed Eddie the Little Brother Sleeper, he did a little dance and was all giggly.  This is a kid who rarely shows emotion, so for him to be legitimately excited…well, it just makes me happy.  He’s been in a very good mood since we found out. 4 sisters might have been a lot to deal with.
• It’s occurred to me that with all the other issues I had at the beginning, I never spoke to my OB about delivery options. I don’t want an automatic c-section because I’m having twins, you know? I do want the safest possible delivery for the baby, but I’m not on board with not having options. So this is a conversation that is on tap for my next appointment, when I will conveniently have both of the big kids with me.
• NaBloPoMo Ahoy!

• We have no actual plans this weekend and I feel nothing but relief.  I may take the kids to a Halloween thing at Town Hall tonight, just in case we get this Frankenstorm everyone is so up in arms about.  But once we get home from gymnastics tomorrow morning, I have no plans to leave the house.
• Eddie took his last ever belt test at TKD on Wednesday. I may have cried.  He will start working on his black belt next week and depending on how hard he works, he will have his black belt test in 3 to 6 months.  I am hoping for sooner so that I can be there for sure.
• Wacky pregnancy dreams have started in earnest, and I think it’s probably a good thing that they are fuzzy and only remembered in bits and pieces when I wake up, because even then, I am freaked the hell out.
• I’ve been reminded a few times this week how great the internet is.  I am beyond grateful for the friendships I have because of it.
• We’ve gotten the proofs for the kids’ school photos.  I would like to file a complaint because these are photos of big kids, NOT my kids.