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Category Archives: I’m a crazy bitch

When the Baby Name Game Gets Messy

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I love to watch the old Seinfeld reruns before I go to bed every night. Last night was one of my favorites, the one where George has his heart set on naming his baby, who has not even been conceived, Seven. His fiancée Susan wants nothing of it and mentions it to a pregnant friend, who loves it. She and her husband decide that their baby will be named Seven, and George goes on a rampage, causing her to go in to labor. George goes with them to the hospital, all the while suggesting different names to no avail. The episode ends, and in my opinion climaxes with George pressed against the glass of the delivery room door screaming in despair, “SEVEN!! SEVEN!!!”

I laughed hysterically last night, as I watched this episode for what was probably the 20th time, never thinking that I would be in a similar situation today. But here it is, Tuesday morning, and friends of ours who did not know the sex of their baby and would not discuss names, emailed to tell of the birth of their new daughter. (You can see where this is going, right?) The subject of the email is “Hannah Emily”.

As soon as I saw it pop, my breath caught in my throat. This probably isn’t justified, but I burst in to tears right at my desk. Hannah is OUR name!! We didn’t have the same middle name, mind you, but it was ours just the same!! I called Hub to tell him and he insisted that this doesn’t change anything. We’ve been talking about her name amongst ourselves since November now, and it doesn’t change anything. “THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING!!!”, I wailed, stifling sniffles. Hub was on a job and couldn’t talk any longer, but it would stand to reason that he thinks I’m a loon.

Am I a loon?

I like to think that I am a pretty rational person. I am well aware that Hannah is on the rise as one of the top baby names out there and I was prepared for our baby girl to have a common name as she enters school. My name is Sara for God’s sake…I was never one in a million and it wasn’t a problem for my parents—they love my name. But never in my life did it occur to me that our friends were considering this name. I think that maybe, MAYBE, I would be ok if they were casual acquaintances, but they are not. In addition to being my SIL’s brother and wife, they are our friends. We see them at family and non-family functions. My brother and SIL would have 2 nieces named Hannah.

We only found out that she was a girl last Thursday and did not tell anyone our name until then. They definitely didn’t know. Justifiably, they had their baby first and it is a free country. I know no malice was involved. She is a beautiful baby girl, with teeny tiny toes, and a full head of blonde hair, and I am thrilled for our friends.

But here I am, my face pressed against the delivery room door screaming “Hannah!! HANNAH!!!!”

The Weekend, Wind Burn, The Monday After and a Crisis of Underwear

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We had a pretty big snow storm this weekend which forced many cancellations, including CA’s gymnastics on Saturday morning. I drove home from a baby shower on Friday evening, willing the snow to cancel my bowl-a-thon on Saturday morning, but alas, I had no luck and had to bowl anyway. I came home and Hub, CA and I ventured downtown for our local home and garden show. It was pretty interesting, especially the part where we talked to a guy about remodeling our existing house VS. building a brand new house and how comparable the price would actually be, and the vanilla ice cream with a minty swirl in it.

Hub snowblowed a pretty good hill on to our porch, so the kids spent the day sledding in the front yard yesterday. Well, CA mostly threw snowballs, but ED really enjoyed the sledding. I have photos and video to prove it, but you know me……you may not see them for a while……or at all. The kids’ cheeks were rosy like apples from the cold and the wind, but I was not so lucky. I ended up with a horrible windburn, complete with raised blotchy bumps, all over my cheeks and chin. At first I thought I was having some sort of allergic reaction, but the fact that it only appeared where my skin was exposed convinced me that I did not need to bust out the benedryl (though I had to try harder to convince myself that my throat was not closing up as I drifted off to sleep last night). I’d also decided that if I woke up today looking the same, that I was not coming in to work.

My skin today is red and blotchy, but not bumpy, so I did come to work, but only after dealing with horrific dreams filled with blood and miscarriage all night long (can we do something to shut the dreams off already? It’s getting OLD!), the kids not wanting to get out of bed this morning because it was still dark, a partially flat tire—I thought it was fine but drove FIL’s car in anyway, and an underwear crisis.

I have never had to buy new underwear during pregnancy. I wear them below my belly anyhow, so it has never been an issue. (TMI?? Perhaps.) But this baby girl, she is so low in my belly, that all of my underwear is severely uncomfortable. She is kicking me in my waistband as we speak. I fear that I will be investing in granny panties soon. I’m telling you, its one thing after another these days.

In any case, I arrived at work less than an hour late. And I won another free coffee, bringing my tally to 4 out of, say, 11. Not an entirely bad start to my week.

Rambling on About My Sucky Weekend and Corporate BS

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I think that I had mentioned that I was off on Friday, having worked the previous Saturday, so I did have a 3-day weekend, this weekend past. We didn’t do much on Friday other than going out to breakfast and finalizing our kitchen plans (it should be complete by the end of April!!! WOOT!!) Hub had a chiropractor appointment and I passed out on the couch for the better part of 3 hours, never even hearing him come home and go back out again.

We picked up the kids later than normal and stood around for a while talking with the assistant director about CA’s teacher (the one who came from the old center) who mysteriously disappeared, and ED’s “manny”, who we actually do like quite a bit now. (It turns out, Beck, that he actually does work there as part of a work/study program; he is studying to be an elementary teacher.) It was mentioned in passing that CA had a low fever at about 6:00 but since it was nearing pick-up time, they hadn’t called us.

The low-grade fever was actually 102 and she looked like death when we picked her up. We got her home and the coughing, sneezing and fever progressed through the night. The fever got up to 103 and we could not get her to sleep except for being propped up on me on the couch. I stayed with her all night, barely sleeping myself, medicating her on an off, just making sure she was comfortable. Thankfully, ED slept the night so I only needed to worry about her.

Morning came, and she was no better, so we had to cancel her very first gymnastics class and postpone until next week. She didn’t eat much and was lethargic and mopey. Hub took ED out to a train show that was in town and to get a hair cut, so CA and I took a good three hour nap. She woke up feeling much better, thank goodness, and after contraband Robitussen and some Motrin, she was behaving pretty much like herself. We decided to go bowling for a bit because being cooped up in the house hadn’t been good for any of us, so once Hub brought ED home and showered him (because he refuses to wear the cape at the barber) off we went for a bit. It was actually fun, and we were home after about 2 hours. The kids were in bed early and Hub and I watched some TV before going to bed pretty early ourselves.

CA slept on her own until about 5 on Sunday morning at which point I relocated to the couch with her. We slept until about 8 and once everyone was up, I got out the waffle iron and made some waffles. Hub did some running around while the kids napped and I folded a crapload of laundry. I braved my chicken-phobia and fried up chicken fingers for dinner, complete with a buttery hot sauce. They turned out well, but my breading kept falling off. The Bean rather enjoyed the hot sauce, and wiggled around for a good hour after I went to bed last night. My stomach did not enjoy it so much so I was up for a few hours in the middle of the night with horrible reflux. YAY.

Today I’m back at work dealing with the bunch of shit that accumulates when you take a day off, and keeping it in the back of my mind that I need to clean and take down my way too many pictures and kid’s artwork because we are being evaluated by a transition team this week, from our newly acquired company (yes, we acquired them, but we have to prepare for them to come in….what kind of sense does this make? NONE!!), which will determine my site’s future. Apparently, desks that look lived in and personalized will not do……our work environment needs to be sterile. We are also required to be in full business dress when the team does their walk thru on Thursday—which makes no sense to me since we do not see customers. I can tell you this though—I am not buying a maternity suit. I have a nice button down and dress pants and I will wear heels and stockings, but that is all THE MAN is getting. Official day one of this transaction occurs July 1st and I plan on being off preparing for the baby by 7/15. Here’s the thing—I do not care at all if they close my office, so long as I get my full maternity pay. If I never had to come back here……well, that’s a story for another day. There’s so much more to it than I can even get in to here anyway.

Ok, you’ve heard enough from me!! I need to eat lunch anyway.

Deep Calming Breaths

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I figured I should take a few minutes and sit down and write because I have been on a horrific rampage here at work today. Note To Self: It is never acceptable to stand up and yell “Hey Ass-wipes!!” in the workplace.

I worked yesterday, President’s Day, in order to gain a future floating holiday. It was dead, and I did absolutely nothing. Glorious. I left around 4:30 though because I had a conference set up with ED’s teacher. Typically, I avoid daycare parent/teacher conferences, because, well, it’s weird—but I decided to do this one since it is a new school and I don’t get to talk to his teacher often like I did at the old place. I fully expected to hear that my son was a gifted genius, but all I got was “he is one of the smartest in the class……” I was pleased to hear, however, that ED is the best mannered 4-year-old she has ever encountered. We are big on the polite thing in our house (well, all of us but CA who seems to think it is acceptable to bark orders on a wide variety of subjects……but that’s a story for another day) so it’s nice to hear that he carries it over to school. The good things she said: he is very bright, he can count to 30 and identify numbers up to 99, he knows all of his colors (which he has since he was like 18-months old) both in English and in Spanish, he can identify a few words—his name, cat, dog etc by sight, he can write his name and the majority of his letters, he excels in computer class (seriously, you should see this kid at p b s dot com) and he gets along well with the other children. Her concerns: he is something of a know-it-all, shouting out answers before the other kids can and he holds his pencil in his fist rather than the right way. I asserted that it may have something to do with him being a lefty and she agreed. She is starting a name book with him where he can work on printing his full formal first name on dotted lines. First he’ll be tracing and then he will write it out on his own. In all, I think it went really well. It was nice to have a little one-on-one with her.

I picked the kids up then, a full hour early, and ran in to the CA’s infant teacher from the old center; apparently, her daughter goes there. She told me that she can’t believe how big CA has gotten, and that it’s funny to see how much the same, personality wise she is as she was as a baby. (She wants what she wants, when she wants it and will do whatever it takes to get it) She said there’s no word to describe her except to say “she is such a CA”. Indeed.

So, like I said, I’m reasonably miserable today. Hub has had the flu since Thursday and hasn’t been sleeping well, which means I haven’t been sleeping well either. My mother is having a jewelry party tonight, which I am skipping, because Hub has to work, but also because of my sinuses-I don’t think I can deal with the cigarette smoke, even if she didn’t smoke inside at all today.

Tomorrow I will be 16-weeks along, so maybe I’ll post another belly shot, for your enjoyment.

Toodles, for now!


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1. The baby portion of my belly is pushing up the flabby belly left over from previous pregnancies, creating this obscene ridge. It is horrific.
2. Also, my boobs no longer fit in my bras.
3. The breakfast nook I ordered arrived today, more than 3 weeks before our kitchen will even be started. That was fast! And now we have to store it!
4. Hub went to Target to pay on our charge yesterday, and I had him walk over to the baby section. He found a bedding set (Classic Pooh) with the comforter, sheet, bumper and dust ruffle marked down from $89.99 to $19.98, and bought it. At full price, I probably wouldn’t have picked Classic Pooh, but it is adorable. And I like the idea that this baby will have something that only belonged to her/him out there in the sea of hand-me-downs it will encounter.
5. I had a really bad night with the kids last night and did a lot of yelling, which caused me to do a lot of crying after they had gone to bed. They deserved to be in trouble, but I felt horrible about the way I went about things.
6. ED told me yesterday that he was calling an 18-wheeler to come and get me and he was going to pack me up in the back and send me away for ever. I told him to enjoy life with no Mommy which caused him to burst in to tears. Sigh.
7. He also told me that he wants to learn to swing on those rings like the American Gladiators do. Double Sigh.
8. I have gone to the bathroom 4 times during this post due to drinking a large Dr. Pepper. Annoying. Even more annoying—of the 7 sinks in the work bathroom, one does not shut off automatically. Every time I go in to the bathroom, someone has left it on. WTF people?
9. I am really tired of my job and the assholes that come along with it. Really tired.
10. One of my best associates was feeling really sick today and was shaking and white and pasty and thought she was going to pass out. Her mother came to take her to the hospital to save her the embarrassment of being carted out in an ambulance. I walked her out to the front to make sure she got in the car ok. Apparently, rumor has it that I fired her and escorted her out of the building. Again, assholes.
11. I hate it when people pronounce “escalated” Esc-YA-lated.
12. We just got a “Melting Pot” restaurant here. A bunch of us have reservations for 2/16. Exciting, right?
13. There, now I’ve ended on a positive. I feel a little bit better.

Yoo Hoo!

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Ok, it’s true, I’ve been miserable, but I’ve had a really hard time putting it in to words. This is by far the worst 1st trimester I have ever had, and I feel like it’s got to get better sometime soon. I am now in my 13th week. For the love of corn dogs! Please STOP!

As I was shoving my face full of a McDonalds Hot Fudge Sundae last night (but only the parts with hot fudge, the rest, was chucked in the garbage), standing over the counter shoveling it in like a wino over a garbage can as the kids sat and stared at me over their chicken and apples (and fries), and then again this morning as I stuffed my purse full of frozen Jimmy Dean Sausage Breakfast Sandwiches on my way out the door to work (since clearly, they are the only acceptable form of MEAT in the world), I was reminded of Catherine Newman—specifically her white trash pregnancy diet. When I re-read this post this morning, I really felt validated. This is what I’ve been going through! Someone understands me! And I know that all of you gals out there get it too, but to read this again, I don’t know, it just helped me out a lot this morning.

In other pregnancy news, I am losing my mind! I actually left the house with only one sock on today. Only. One. Sock. The reason? One of my socks was upstairs and I knew that I saw the match in the basement. I put the lone sock on, figuring I would grab the other on my way out, and put my boots on as well. Kissed the kids goodbye, and out to the car I went. At least I hadn’t made it out of the driveway before I remembered. Both of my feet are now safely “socked.”

I’ve heard speculation that after your first pregnancy, you can feel the baby moving sooner. I’m reasonably sure that I can feel this baby moving around down there, tiny flutters abound, however my brain is saying “um, you are 12 weeks and one day pregnant, idiot. You don’t feel the baby.”

But I think I do. And although it is the 3rd time around, it sure is grand.

Target Clearance Shopping, Onion Soup, and Apparently, I Look Like Crap

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Well. I’ve just finished my lunch, which means I am nauseous. That’s the way it goes around here lately. I planned on getting something small for lunch, but I was on such a high from clearance shopping at Target that I needed immediate sustenance. Panera happened to be on the way, and though they forgot the cheese in my french onion soup, it was very delicious.

Oh, you want to know what I got at Target? LET ME TELL YOU!!!

I will start by saying that I spent $17.99 on new sneakers for ED because his feet will not stop growing. Everything else I got was less than $4 and I bought in bigger sizes for next year. 2 pair of tights, a red knitted sweater (she has the same one for this year and I spent $15 on it then), a fancy dress with a velour top and puffy pink plaid skirt for CA, 2 pair of pants, 2 shirts, and a hoodie for ED, and 2 blankets for the baby (one is purple, so if it is a boy it will go to my friend Kel who is having a girl—the other is green). All of the Circo brand fleecy blankets were on clearance for $2.74. I would have bought one in every color and style (there were about 10) if Hub wouldn’t have killed me for it. In all, I spent $56 and $30 of it was on a gift card. $26 out of pocket, not bad.

I also bought a lot on clearance last week with ED’s 20% off birthday coupon at TCP. It came today, so I can’t wait to get home.

My mother called me last night to say that she changed her mind; she thinks I’m having a girl. Why? Because girls drain all of the beauty from your face. Not to say that I’m ugly, but that I have big black circles under my eyes. So it must be a girl.


Well, At Least I’ll get to Eat Hospital Food

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I don’t know why I thought that with a third child I would have fewer expenses. The more we talk about it, the more we need. I expected this with CA, because obviously, I was not going to dress her in boy’s clothes, but all of our gear was pretty gender neutral so there was not much cost involved there.

Here’s the thing. Once “your gear” has already been through two children, it’s pretty much useless to the third. Couple that with my insurance co-pay going up from $250 to $500 to deliver, and we’ve already pretty much sucked up the tax credit we’ll get for number 3.

I am glad that we invested in a sturdy and oversized bassinette so that we don’t have to throw CA out of the crib right away (both kids slept in our room for 6-8 months—we only moved CA out because she was crawling out over the side and in to our bed—yes she was even a stinker at 7months old), and also that the crib is in really good shape. Our stroller, short of being FILTHY, is in very good condition too. I suppose those are the heavy hitters; the ones that are meant to last. Again, I’m glad that they have.

Here is a list of what we need though, and more importantly, why we need it.

1. A Bouncy Seat. I slipped and fell on ours when ED was a baby and I couldn’t bear to have him in another room while I showered. Yes, he was in it at the time, and also my knee barely missed his head. It was severely bent, but still usable. CA used it for about 6 months before ED jumped on it and snapped the metal (where it was already bent) in half. We also had the baby papasan for CA but I gave it away. It was stupid.
2. A baby monitor. Ours shorted out; sparks and all, shortly after ED and CA began sharing a room. I suspect foul play.
3. A new swing. I’ve always hated ours because it randomly stops and starts and has no rhythm. Plus, after I discovered that CA had been dumping her bottle in the pad and there was actually mildew growing under there, I’ve never looked at it the same. I also can not get the pad clean.
4. A new high chair. Ours is permanently reclined. It’s a piece of garbage. We won’t need this for a while at least.

I feel a little bit better typing it out and seeing that it’s only a few things. But then of course breast milk bags, bottles, nursing pads, etc. etc. will add up. If it’s a boy, I’ll need to buy clothes too, since ED was huge and born in the dead of winter.

I suppose the expenses never go away. I’m not concerned that we won’t be able to afford it, but it doesn’t make it any less stressful. I’m registering at Babies ‘R Us because I have a coupon for free bottles and binkies when you register (even thought I hate binkies) and for 10% off any gift that wasn’t purchased for you. I don’t anticipate any of them being purchased for me (nor would I ask anyone for anything) but that 10% is a bonus!

I know; I’m a lunatic. I apologize. Less than 7 months to go!!

Cheaper Than Therapy!

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Dear Grocery Store-

Is it too much to ask for you to carry some GOLDEN Italian Dressing? Seriously! There are people our there who don’t want balsamic this and Extra Virgin that! I just wanted some regular effing dressing! JEEZE!


Dear Employees-

If you make fun of one of my typos in an instant message again I’m going to lose it. Because you’re perfect, right? Keep in mind that I wouldn’t be sending mass IM’s if you were doing your jobs. Rot in hell.


Dear Hubs-

Can we get over this silent fight reminiscent of Everybody Loves Raymond where neither of us will empty the bathroom garbage can regardless of how full it is? So what if I’ve jammed a toilet paper tube in there and am now packing my garbage in to the tube just so that it fits without getting all over the floor. You should suck it up and empty it.


Dear Hubs-

Also, no, you can not touch my boobs. Deal with the fact that it’s probably going to be a year before you can.


Dear Tomato Sandwich (that I brought for lunch today)—

I can’t wait to eat you!!!


Dear Sabbie-Cat-

I appreciate you taking the initiative to keep your own butt clean after multiple attempts on our part as well as seriously cutting back on your food. This does not mean that I want said ass in face.


Dear Coffee-

How I miss you. Your delicious aroma is everywhere. I am looking forward to the day we can meet again peacefully.


Dear ED-

We get that you are four now. Contrary to popular belief, this does not mean that you can stay up late or drive the car. You are four, which is big, but not that big.


Dear Headache-

Please just go away. I am begging you. Please, once and for all.


Dear Christmas and Birthday Photos-

Could you maybe upload yourself? I just don’t feel like it.


Dear OBGYN’s of the World-

Can the best one in my area that delivers at the hospital I want just contact me directly? Finding someone who is reputable when you are pregnant is hard work. I know you’re looking for me……here I am!!! Conversely, can you, the OBGYN I want, change your policy and deliver at my hospital of choice? That would work a whole lot better for me. Kay? Thanks.


Dear CA-

Telling me that your hands are full to get out of doing something when it is apparent that your hands are not full is probably not the best lie you could tell. It reminds me how innocent you are though even when you’re trying to be a piss-pot. Also, I’m proud of you for being able to recognize all of your letters. I had no idea you could do that!


Dear End of the Day

Please come quickly! I want to go home!!!

Love to you all,


Could someone just strap my mouth shut?

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The appropriate response when one is given $170 pre-paid MasterCard from her adoring associates is not “Well, at least I know how much I’m worth.” Pointing out that there isn’t even a card……not so cool either. It’s $170 damn $$ that I didn’t have yesterday. Add it to the $60 in Target Cards and $40 in Kohl’s cards and I’m one lucky lady.

What is my problem??

P.S. I’m more nauseus than I’ve ever been the other 2 times. My ass is seriously being kicked here. Only 33 weeks to go….